Could it get more hectic? I'm thinking....Yes! Many of you are finding the transition to summer a bit more complicated and time consuming than you thought it would be. We work on these issues as part of our Transition workshops and come up with methods, plans and ways to make it all seem seamless and as painless as possible. It takes some time and direction which is impossible to replicate in a blog post but in answer to emails and questions I'll just give you a quick nudge in the right direction.
Quick Start Steps:
1. Take out your calendars and start filling in the dates.
* How much "free" time will the children have?
* How do you want them to fill it?
2. Plan Activities and Alternates.
* Choose one activity for each block of time
(yes, it's a ton!)and choose 5 or so summer appropriate alternates.
This way you're prepared for changes due to weather, car trouble, colds and all
the other things that come up.
3. Make Arrangements.
*Make arrangements for at least 1-2 weeks in advance so that you have breathin
room.
*Make contingency plans (you're going to need them)
*Create travel and cleanup routines. Make charts, use pictures, whatever works.
4. Gather the troops.
* Prepare your support system of adults.
* Sit down with the children and let them know what you've got in mind for them
and what you're planning.
5. Ask for input.
*From your adult support system and the children. Each group may have good ideas and ways to put it all together that you haven't thought of.
And the MOST IMPORTANT element. Sit down for this one (ok you're sitting but you know what I mean). Ready? Ok. I mean really ready?
6. HAVE FUN!!!
It sounds almost impossible what with planning and doing and arranging and organizing and cleaning up but it is possible. These days will never be here in quite this way again. Enjoy the moments, they add up to lots of beautiful memories.
Enjoy the day your way -
Rebecca (Kiki)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information about coaching, workshops, groups, seminars, materials for your classes, groups or organizations please call 646.468.0608 or email coach at daily life consulting.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Setting Limits - Giving Children a Childhood Re: Never Too Young For a Pedicure
I received many emails and questions this morning about the very, very disturbing article in today's New York Times Never Too Young for That First Pedicure asking me what I thought.
What do I think? I think that there is a time that a child is too young for a pedicure and everything else that might go along with that. Why the rush? Why are people rushing children past the most wonderful, innocent, fun and youthful times of their lives?
The best way to phrase this comes from something my own mother said to my younger sister (Rachel C.)years ago. My sister's classmate got some ridiculously inappropriate outfit for a girl that age - I think it was a white mink skirt for a tween or early teen. After hearing all about the outfit my mother responded "what will she have to look forward to?".
That's it in a nutshell. What will they have to look forward to?
I work with people who are working very hard to raise their children the best way they can, in a world that seems to have decided that children are a consumer opportunity, miniature adults, accessories, in charge and lots of other things. They're not.
Setting limits for children is a loving and generous thing. You are allowing them the freedom to be children and not have to deal with situations that they aren't equipped to deal with now and that they'll have plenty of time to deal with later. You are giving children the opportunity of having an authority figure who tells, and shows, them how to navigate the world while they're too young to understand the consequences of many of their actions.
Many parents I work with are often afraid at the beginning to set limits because they're afraid their children "won't love them" "will be angry at them" "won't think I'm cool". So?
Yes. You heard that right. So? They will love you even if they say "I hate you", it is inevitable that they will be angry with you and quite frankly your job as a parent is not to be there in order to be cool. If you want constant adulation and cool appreciation become a rock star.
You are there as their parent, first role models and authority figures. At some point every parent who is doing a good job and is asserting their authority will hear the dreaded "I hate you". Guess what? You'll live through it. Your children will live through it. Sometimes they'll feel that way. It doesn't mean it will last forever, it doesn't even mean it's unusual. It's just what they're feeling at the moment.
The question is do you have the guts to stand up for what you believe in?
Can you be a role model in asserting your beliefs and opinions to your children? If you can, whether they like it or not, they'll learn to stand up for what they believe in. It won't happen until they're older but it will happen and then you'll hear and feel the love.
Can you delay the gratification until then? Can you tolerate the negative feelings they'll be having toward you? Great. That's how they will learn how to do the same.
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Feel free to email any comments or questions to
rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
What do I think? I think that there is a time that a child is too young for a pedicure and everything else that might go along with that. Why the rush? Why are people rushing children past the most wonderful, innocent, fun and youthful times of their lives?
The best way to phrase this comes from something my own mother said to my younger sister (Rachel C.)years ago. My sister's classmate got some ridiculously inappropriate outfit for a girl that age - I think it was a white mink skirt for a tween or early teen. After hearing all about the outfit my mother responded "what will she have to look forward to?".
That's it in a nutshell. What will they have to look forward to?
I work with people who are working very hard to raise their children the best way they can, in a world that seems to have decided that children are a consumer opportunity, miniature adults, accessories, in charge and lots of other things. They're not.
Setting limits for children is a loving and generous thing. You are allowing them the freedom to be children and not have to deal with situations that they aren't equipped to deal with now and that they'll have plenty of time to deal with later. You are giving children the opportunity of having an authority figure who tells, and shows, them how to navigate the world while they're too young to understand the consequences of many of their actions.
Many parents I work with are often afraid at the beginning to set limits because they're afraid their children "won't love them" "will be angry at them" "won't think I'm cool". So?
Yes. You heard that right. So? They will love you even if they say "I hate you", it is inevitable that they will be angry with you and quite frankly your job as a parent is not to be there in order to be cool. If you want constant adulation and cool appreciation become a rock star.
You are there as their parent, first role models and authority figures. At some point every parent who is doing a good job and is asserting their authority will hear the dreaded "I hate you". Guess what? You'll live through it. Your children will live through it. Sometimes they'll feel that way. It doesn't mean it will last forever, it doesn't even mean it's unusual. It's just what they're feeling at the moment.
The question is do you have the guts to stand up for what you believe in?
Can you be a role model in asserting your beliefs and opinions to your children? If you can, whether they like it or not, they'll learn to stand up for what they believe in. It won't happen until they're older but it will happen and then you'll hear and feel the love.
Can you delay the gratification until then? Can you tolerate the negative feelings they'll be having toward you? Great. That's how they will learn how to do the same.
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Feel free to email any comments or questions to
rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
Monday, October 22, 2007
A General Response - Competition
I work with many parents on the issue of their feelings regarding how their children measure up compared to the "competition" and how that reflects on them. A few thoughts to keep in mind.
In these fiercely competitive times parents are pushing their children more and more and expecting more from the children, and themselves, thenever before. Registering children for the best nursery schools before they're born. French, gymnastics, etiquette - all before they enter school!
No wonder parents are looking over their shoulders at what other parents are doing and how they themselves rate as parents.
No one wants to feel that they're not doing the best they can by their children and since nowadays many parents don't have the extended and multi-generational help and advice that they used to. Grandma and Aunt Tillie aren't around to teach you the
basics and tell you you're doing a great job.
So parents feel they have to look around and get the info "on the street", instead of looking inside and trusting their own intuition and gut instincts.
In addition, the vast amount of parenting information can make parents feel overwhelmed by the parenting choices and insecure of their decisions. Are the
Joneses doing a better job? Is their child smarter?
If a child comes up looking better than "the competition" the parents can pat themselves on the back and the fear and insecurity that they're not
doing a good job subsides - until the next incident!
Take a deep breath and relax. The best help you can provide immediately is to take the pressure off yourself and your children.
Then, take it one step at a time and explore what's important to you and your family. Take it from there. RK
In these fiercely competitive times parents are pushing their children more and more and expecting more from the children, and themselves, thenever before. Registering children for the best nursery schools before they're born. French, gymnastics, etiquette - all before they enter school!
No wonder parents are looking over their shoulders at what other parents are doing and how they themselves rate as parents.
No one wants to feel that they're not doing the best they can by their children and since nowadays many parents don't have the extended and multi-generational help and advice that they used to. Grandma and Aunt Tillie aren't around to teach you the
basics and tell you you're doing a great job.
So parents feel they have to look around and get the info "on the street", instead of looking inside and trusting their own intuition and gut instincts.
In addition, the vast amount of parenting information can make parents feel overwhelmed by the parenting choices and insecure of their decisions. Are the
Joneses doing a better job? Is their child smarter?
If a child comes up looking better than "the competition" the parents can pat themselves on the back and the fear and insecurity that they're not
doing a good job subsides - until the next incident!
Take a deep breath and relax. The best help you can provide immediately is to take the pressure off yourself and your children.
Then, take it one step at a time and explore what's important to you and your family. Take it from there. RK
Monday, October 15, 2007
Answers to Friday's Comments
Regrets for the delay in answering your comments but in the interest of surviving technological overload I try to be offline from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. It's not always easy but always worthwhile, and I find that I can hear myself think clearly before, during and after that time.
Before - because I know I have that haven coming up soon. During - because as tough as it is sometimes, and as drawn as I am to my tech toys I've gotten to the point where I can do it pretty easily and allow myself to interact with myself and others in a real-life-daily-way. After - because I've had the time to shut out all the overload of information. It's a technique that's been working for me - some of my clients have tried it. It works for different people in different increments of time.
Now - to your comments and thanks for taking the time to post - I love hearing your thoughts and comments, it's always food for thought for me.
T.N. - You're issue and question about teenage girls and the messages they get from the outside world is one of the toughest issues parents and teens are currently facing. I'll be talking about the topic in future posts. In the meantime - keep reinforcing positive role models, say "no" and keep to it. She won't like it but you're the parent and she's not going to like everything you do. It might be hard for you to tolerate the feeling of her not liking you right at that minute but it can't actually harm either of you physically and will do a lot for getting her on the right track.
Diana - It's tough to come up with activities that would be appropriate for the ages of both your daughters. How about if you ask your older daughter to do the project with your younger daughter?
Being the role model for an activity about role models will get your older daughter thinking in new ways as she guides the little one through the topic.
Your younger daughter will look up to the older one as a role model and you'd be amazed at how that will inspire the older one to think about her behaviors differently knowing someone is depending on her to do the right thing and act the right way. It will also be a catalyst to thinking about things she may not have before. Instead of acting impulsively she might give a moment's thought to how the behavior might appear to her younger sister.
It will also give you a chance to take a step back from the topic so that the older one doesn't have to rebel as much. She's the one in charge. She's making the decisions. She's choosing behaviors to highlight or downplay. She's in charge of deciding what works and what doesn't.
As for you - use the found time to be a role model for the kinds of things Mom does to keep her sanity!
Exhausted Dad - First of all congratulations on being involved enough to be asking the questions and attempting to get the right information. Sounds to me like you're on the right track to BEING a great role model.
Keep it going. Do the things you'd like your son to emulate. Engage in activities together. Keep apprised of his schoolwork and extracurricular activities. Try and eat dinner together as often as possible. It keeps the lines of communication open so that difficult topics can be addressed in an easy-going manner when necessary. It keeps you up to date with what's going on in his life.
A concern that often comes up when working with clients is the fear of saying "no" too often, of being the disciplinarian, of hearing "I hate you - you're the worst mother/father world", or "you're not my mother/father - my REAL mother/father would never....". I say GET OVER IT.
I can't say it often enough. As a matter of fact, I'll say it again GET OVER IT. As a parent your job is to be in charge and get your children to adulthood. They should get there safely and able to take care of themselves, fulfill adult responsibilities ably and go on from there.
I'm not suggesting that you become withholding and strict at all times. I am suggesting that you make the rules, you stick to your guns even when it's uncomfortable, and you do what needs to be done.
My clients are so relieved when they realize that their children do better when the parents are running the show. In most cases the children are relieved that they are able to withstand peer pressure by using the old parent card. "I can't - my Mom said I have to be home by 9:00" or "My Dad is the worst - he won't let me come over, drive the car, go to _____, keeps checking up on me that I'm not hanging out with _____".
Stand your ground. Your children may not like it - but eventually, they will love you for it.
Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails - it's great hearing from you!
You can always ask a question or comment here or email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com, or for those of you who prefer it, kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com
Enjoy the day!
Before - because I know I have that haven coming up soon. During - because as tough as it is sometimes, and as drawn as I am to my tech toys I've gotten to the point where I can do it pretty easily and allow myself to interact with myself and others in a real-life-daily-way. After - because I've had the time to shut out all the overload of information. It's a technique that's been working for me - some of my clients have tried it. It works for different people in different increments of time.
Now - to your comments and thanks for taking the time to post - I love hearing your thoughts and comments, it's always food for thought for me.
T.N. - You're issue and question about teenage girls and the messages they get from the outside world is one of the toughest issues parents and teens are currently facing. I'll be talking about the topic in future posts. In the meantime - keep reinforcing positive role models, say "no" and keep to it. She won't like it but you're the parent and she's not going to like everything you do. It might be hard for you to tolerate the feeling of her not liking you right at that minute but it can't actually harm either of you physically and will do a lot for getting her on the right track.
Diana - It's tough to come up with activities that would be appropriate for the ages of both your daughters. How about if you ask your older daughter to do the project with your younger daughter?
Being the role model for an activity about role models will get your older daughter thinking in new ways as she guides the little one through the topic.
Your younger daughter will look up to the older one as a role model and you'd be amazed at how that will inspire the older one to think about her behaviors differently knowing someone is depending on her to do the right thing and act the right way. It will also be a catalyst to thinking about things she may not have before. Instead of acting impulsively she might give a moment's thought to how the behavior might appear to her younger sister.
It will also give you a chance to take a step back from the topic so that the older one doesn't have to rebel as much. She's the one in charge. She's making the decisions. She's choosing behaviors to highlight or downplay. She's in charge of deciding what works and what doesn't.
As for you - use the found time to be a role model for the kinds of things Mom does to keep her sanity!
Exhausted Dad - First of all congratulations on being involved enough to be asking the questions and attempting to get the right information. Sounds to me like you're on the right track to BEING a great role model.
Keep it going. Do the things you'd like your son to emulate. Engage in activities together. Keep apprised of his schoolwork and extracurricular activities. Try and eat dinner together as often as possible. It keeps the lines of communication open so that difficult topics can be addressed in an easy-going manner when necessary. It keeps you up to date with what's going on in his life.
A concern that often comes up when working with clients is the fear of saying "no" too often, of being the disciplinarian, of hearing "I hate you - you're the worst mother/father world", or "you're not my mother/father - my REAL mother/father would never....". I say GET OVER IT.
I can't say it often enough. As a matter of fact, I'll say it again GET OVER IT. As a parent your job is to be in charge and get your children to adulthood. They should get there safely and able to take care of themselves, fulfill adult responsibilities ably and go on from there.
I'm not suggesting that you become withholding and strict at all times. I am suggesting that you make the rules, you stick to your guns even when it's uncomfortable, and you do what needs to be done.
My clients are so relieved when they realize that their children do better when the parents are running the show. In most cases the children are relieved that they are able to withstand peer pressure by using the old parent card. "I can't - my Mom said I have to be home by 9:00" or "My Dad is the worst - he won't let me come over, drive the car, go to _____, keeps checking up on me that I'm not hanging out with _____".
Stand your ground. Your children may not like it - but eventually, they will love you for it.
Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails - it's great hearing from you!
You can always ask a question or comment here or email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com, or for those of you who prefer it, kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com
Enjoy the day!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Costumes - Borrowing an Identity
Many of you have been asking about costumes for Halloween. What kind? What should I allow? My daughter/son wants __________ but I think it's too inappropriate/grown up/dangerous/bad role model...the list goes on.
For the last year many of you have been working with me on issues regarding the media circus and the "news" that your children are exposed to even when they don't want to be. TV consumption includes "breaking news" about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton on a regular basis. These people are not lauded for their positive achievements, to put it mildly.
As politics becomes more celebritized the major issues of the day become cause for "celeb"ration and it's hard to know what to believe or why people are promoting the causes they do. (To those of you who asked about my opinions on Al Gore and the Nobel prize let's leave it at this....)
Tips for Being Proactive About Role Models:
Halloween can be a great time to get a discussion going about heroes.
*What is a hero?
*What makes a person heroic?
*What's the difference between a real hero and someone who just plays one on tv?
*Why is that celebrity getting attention for negative behaviors?
*Whose actions should we pay attention to in the news?
Make a chart with your child listing positive and negative traits.
*Ask questions like why?
*Who has this trait?
*Why is it an important one to have?
*How do you think it can be helpful or hurtful in your life?
Keep a scrapbook (electronic or clippings) of heroes and heroic behavior. Keep it for your own reference and to use as examples with your child when a topic or situation arises.
I was lucky enough to speak with Bryan Brown at Junior Scholastic about the topic. He wrote a terrific article with some of my thoughts on the topic -"Hero or celebrity: don't confuse the glitter of stardom with real heroism" which you can find here - http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Hero+or+celebrity:+don't+confuse+the+glitter+of+stardom+with+real...-a0159390400
Enjoy your weekend!
For the last year many of you have been working with me on issues regarding the media circus and the "news" that your children are exposed to even when they don't want to be. TV consumption includes "breaking news" about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton on a regular basis. These people are not lauded for their positive achievements, to put it mildly.
As politics becomes more celebritized the major issues of the day become cause for "celeb"ration and it's hard to know what to believe or why people are promoting the causes they do. (To those of you who asked about my opinions on Al Gore and the Nobel prize let's leave it at this....)
Tips for Being Proactive About Role Models:
Halloween can be a great time to get a discussion going about heroes.
*What is a hero?
*What makes a person heroic?
*What's the difference between a real hero and someone who just plays one on tv?
*Why is that celebrity getting attention for negative behaviors?
*Whose actions should we pay attention to in the news?
Make a chart with your child listing positive and negative traits.
*Ask questions like why?
*Who has this trait?
*Why is it an important one to have?
*How do you think it can be helpful or hurtful in your life?
Keep a scrapbook (electronic or clippings) of heroes and heroic behavior. Keep it for your own reference and to use as examples with your child when a topic or situation arises.
I was lucky enough to speak with Bryan Brown at Junior Scholastic about the topic. He wrote a terrific article with some of my thoughts on the topic -"Hero or celebrity: don't confuse the glitter of stardom with real heroism" which you can find here - http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Hero+or+celebrity:+don't+confuse+the+glitter+of+stardom+with+real...-a0159390400
Enjoy your weekend!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Nobel Prize Lessons for Kids of All Ages
The Nobel prizes are being awarded this week. Unlike many of the other prizes that our culture celebrates the Nobel prizes are based on a lifetime of work. That makes the winners older than most of the people your children look up to as role models but these are people who can teach all of us about persistence, dedication, working hard, working long, believing in yourself and persevering even when everyone tells you not to.
Life Skills Lesson Ideas:
1. Clip the listings of the Nobel prize winners and choose a few minutes during the day or week to talk to your children about them.
2. Note the obstacles that the person had to face in life and talk about the ways they overcame them.
For example, Dr. Mario R. Capecchi one of the Nobel Prize winners in medicine was left on his own at age 4 (yes 4!!) when his mother was taken to Dachau. He managed to survive on the streets and in orphanages for the next 5 years.
Dr. Martin Evans says about his Nobel win in medicine that like Dr. Capecchi "his scientific career was an upward struggle. In an interview with the Lasker Foundation, Dr. Evans said recognition was important to him because he often was a lone scientist who cried out against the consensus. In applying for grants, he said he was told many of his ideas were premature and could not be done.
“Then five years later,” he said, “I find everyone is doing the same thing.”
Doris Lessing who won the Nobel prize in Literature never graduated high school, she self-taught by being a voracious reader.
Did any of these people give up? No they did not.
3. Talk about perseverance with your children. Ask them about times that they've felt they just wanted to give up on something but didn't. What did they learn from that experience? How might they apply it in the future?
4. Our society focuses on the prize, the award and not on the process of achievement. Discuss with your children the process of achievement. It can be joyous, fun and fulfilling but it can be tough. Practicing the piano scales isn't fun but how else can you learn the notes and how to play them? Baseball practice in the heat when you're striking out might not be fun, but hitting that home run for the team sure is. You can't get one without the other.
Extra Reading: I was happy to contribute to a terrific article that Jeff Bredenberg wrote called "9 Ways to Help Kids Practice" on this topic which was published in Better Homes and Gardens and which you can link to here on MSN - http://lifestyle.msn.com/familyandparenting/raisingkids/articlebhg.aspx?cp-documentid=937235
Enjoy the day and celebrate your achievements big and small - they took work!
Life Skills Lesson Ideas:
1. Clip the listings of the Nobel prize winners and choose a few minutes during the day or week to talk to your children about them.
2. Note the obstacles that the person had to face in life and talk about the ways they overcame them.
For example, Dr. Mario R. Capecchi one of the Nobel Prize winners in medicine was left on his own at age 4 (yes 4!!) when his mother was taken to Dachau. He managed to survive on the streets and in orphanages for the next 5 years.
Dr. Martin Evans says about his Nobel win in medicine that like Dr. Capecchi "his scientific career was an upward struggle. In an interview with the Lasker Foundation, Dr. Evans said recognition was important to him because he often was a lone scientist who cried out against the consensus. In applying for grants, he said he was told many of his ideas were premature and could not be done.
“Then five years later,” he said, “I find everyone is doing the same thing.”
Doris Lessing who won the Nobel prize in Literature never graduated high school, she self-taught by being a voracious reader.
Did any of these people give up? No they did not.
3. Talk about perseverance with your children. Ask them about times that they've felt they just wanted to give up on something but didn't. What did they learn from that experience? How might they apply it in the future?
4. Our society focuses on the prize, the award and not on the process of achievement. Discuss with your children the process of achievement. It can be joyous, fun and fulfilling but it can be tough. Practicing the piano scales isn't fun but how else can you learn the notes and how to play them? Baseball practice in the heat when you're striking out might not be fun, but hitting that home run for the team sure is. You can't get one without the other.
Extra Reading: I was happy to contribute to a terrific article that Jeff Bredenberg wrote called "9 Ways to Help Kids Practice" on this topic which was published in Better Homes and Gardens and which you can link to here on MSN - http://lifestyle.msn.com/familyandparenting/raisingkids/articlebhg.aspx?cp-documentid=937235
Enjoy the day and celebrate your achievements big and small - they took work!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Patience Is A Virtue...Practicing what you preach can be tough!
Teaching children to have patience and delay gratification can be tough. It's tough for us as adults and in our go-go-fast-faster-fastest world is getting tougher.
I'm learning that all over again as I deal with my limited mobility for these few weeks. I'm frustrated beyond words that I just can't do the things I normally do.
I've been told that I have an inordinate amount of patience. I don't know if that's as a result of teaching young children at the very beginning of my career or if I was able to do that because I have a lot of patience. I have patience with others to the "nth" power. So why is it so hard to be as patient with myself? What about helping yourself? What about helping your children help themselves?
Life Skills For Children (of all ages)
Feeling: Waiting for things can feel really really hard. You want it and you want it now.
Learning Tool: What to do? Well, for starters acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings. If your child is grouchy because s/he can't have whatever it is that they want acknowledge that the experience of wanting it can feel very frustrating but - hey - sometimes you just can't have what you want right when you want it. The earlier they learn to manage frustration the easier it will be for them later.
Teaching Patience to Young Children: Practice "waiting" for things. Tomorrow when your child asks for something routine (nothing urgent, emotionally loaded or necessary) ask her/him if s/he can wait for a moment or two because you are _______ (busy, engaged, finishing something up, tired etc.) Wait a short moment or two and then give them what they asked for.
Keep repeating this with longer and longer "wait" times. Nothing excessive, you're not trying to create frustration, you're trying to assist them in managing feelings of frustration while waiting.
Be consistent and honest. If you say you're going to give them something, or do something with them, keep your word. If you aren't able to be honest about that too. Again, the earlier they learn that they can't have everything they want, the way they want it, the second they want it, the better it will be for them in school, in relationships, in sports, in extracurricular activities, in life.
Toughie Tip: If your child absolutely can't tolerate the waiting the first few times you try it buy an old-fashioned egg timer and set it with them. Let them move the dial to the minute mark, give them something to do while they listen to the seconds tick off and have them bring the timer to you when it goes off. This gives them a feeling of control over the waiting.
As for you? And me? Well I'm a huge fan of substituting. Now that I can't walk around as much I'm filling that time with other things that I've put off. I'm catching up on a number of projects that require serious planting myself in a chair and doing. I'm finding ways to finish projects in the outdoors regardless. Wireless, pen and paper, cellphones, sunshine and foliage can go a long way in helping to manage the frustration.
And those moments that it just feels like too much? It will pass for you and with your help, for them. It always does, and that's something to look forward to.
Good luck and let me know how it goes!
I'm learning that all over again as I deal with my limited mobility for these few weeks. I'm frustrated beyond words that I just can't do the things I normally do.
I've been told that I have an inordinate amount of patience. I don't know if that's as a result of teaching young children at the very beginning of my career or if I was able to do that because I have a lot of patience. I have patience with others to the "nth" power. So why is it so hard to be as patient with myself? What about helping yourself? What about helping your children help themselves?
Life Skills For Children (of all ages)
Feeling: Waiting for things can feel really really hard. You want it and you want it now.
Learning Tool: What to do? Well, for starters acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings. If your child is grouchy because s/he can't have whatever it is that they want acknowledge that the experience of wanting it can feel very frustrating but - hey - sometimes you just can't have what you want right when you want it. The earlier they learn to manage frustration the easier it will be for them later.
Teaching Patience to Young Children: Practice "waiting" for things. Tomorrow when your child asks for something routine (nothing urgent, emotionally loaded or necessary) ask her/him if s/he can wait for a moment or two because you are _______ (busy, engaged, finishing something up, tired etc.) Wait a short moment or two and then give them what they asked for.
Keep repeating this with longer and longer "wait" times. Nothing excessive, you're not trying to create frustration, you're trying to assist them in managing feelings of frustration while waiting.
Be consistent and honest. If you say you're going to give them something, or do something with them, keep your word. If you aren't able to be honest about that too. Again, the earlier they learn that they can't have everything they want, the way they want it, the second they want it, the better it will be for them in school, in relationships, in sports, in extracurricular activities, in life.
Toughie Tip: If your child absolutely can't tolerate the waiting the first few times you try it buy an old-fashioned egg timer and set it with them. Let them move the dial to the minute mark, give them something to do while they listen to the seconds tick off and have them bring the timer to you when it goes off. This gives them a feeling of control over the waiting.
As for you? And me? Well I'm a huge fan of substituting. Now that I can't walk around as much I'm filling that time with other things that I've put off. I'm catching up on a number of projects that require serious planting myself in a chair and doing. I'm finding ways to finish projects in the outdoors regardless. Wireless, pen and paper, cellphones, sunshine and foliage can go a long way in helping to manage the frustration.
And those moments that it just feels like too much? It will pass for you and with your help, for them. It always does, and that's something to look forward to.
Good luck and let me know how it goes!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Spoiled Children Concern Parents - NY Daily News - Rebecca Kiki Weingarten
Here's what I added to the dialogue about spoiled children and how to "unspoil" them in an article by Sheryl Berk. http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2007/09/01/2007-09-01_spoiled_children_concern_parents.html
Good article - to recap - it's possible, but it isn't easy. My clients and I have worked together to achieve the goal and it takes work, determination and persistence but then again, doesn't anything that's worthwhile? I'll be adding some more thoughts and tips on the topic here so stay tuned.
In the meantime, please feel free to contact me with any of your questions or concerns and I'll try and address them here. If you'd like more information about individual or group education or parenting coaching email me at
coach at dailylifeconsulting.com . For more information or to arrange a seminar for your school or group please contact Jill Evans at jill at gtkgroup.com
Good article - to recap - it's possible, but it isn't easy. My clients and I have worked together to achieve the goal and it takes work, determination and persistence but then again, doesn't anything that's worthwhile? I'll be adding some more thoughts and tips on the topic here so stay tuned.
In the meantime, please feel free to contact me with any of your questions or concerns and I'll try and address them here. If you'd like more information about individual or group education or parenting coaching email me at
coach at dailylifeconsulting.com . For more information or to arrange a seminar for your school or group please contact Jill Evans at jill at gtkgroup.com
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