"Because I Said So" "Because I'm the Mother" "Because I'm the Father"

Vacation time! Well, that's all relative I guess. Vacation time for children and overtime for parents.

It's hectic.
You're feeling harried.
Between getting it right for the holidays -
being sandwiched between parents and children-
trying to work
trying to relax (a little? pretty please???) -
trying not to eat too much
trying to keep the kids entertained
Ok, let's be honest trying to keep them from fighting...shall I go on?
I've been hearing it and working with people on these issues all month and it's tough.

So first of all. Relax and think - school starts again in a few days. But until then you've got to get through and there's no reason not to get through it well with some planning, some putting down of the foot, and some fun.
One step at a time.

Planning
It's not too late to plan now for the next few days. Take a half an hour - no "what? a half an hour???" Find it. Ok - that half hour will buy you hours of peace. Here's what you do.

Outline the hours that need to be filled.
Choose a few activities either in the house or outside that can fill them.
Write down the materials, people, resources you'll need to do them.
Gather your resources.
Plan it out as closely as you can.
Tell the children what will be happening in the next few days. This gives them a sense of control over their immediate future and can often stave off "I'm booooooooored" and "what should I dooooooooooooo?"

Putting Down of the Foot!

Many of the parents I work with have been socialized to believe that nowadays the only way to approach situations with children is to explain and discuss what's going on and why they must do things. There are myriad reasons for this depending on the person, the way they were raised, their expectations of being a parent, pressures from other parents and their own parents and on and on.

Without delving into those at this time I'll just say that children are not small adults. They don't comprehend the ramifications of different situations in the way that adults do. They don't have the same sense of cause and effect, they don't understand the consequences of different actions, they don't understand what lots of things mean. They don't have the experiences or skills to know all that. They aren't supposed to yet. That's what growing up teaches them. They are too young to know all of that.

That's why it's your job to put down your foot and be firm about certain things. Again, I'm not talking about being punitive, or strict all the time. I'm not talking about not discussing things that they might understand on a level that they may understand it. Far from it and those of you who work with me or have heard me speak know that.

What that does mean is that sometimes it's ok to say "Because I said so", "because I'm the mother/father". Sure a vision of your own parent comes up in front of you and you think "I can NOT believe I just said that!!!!". But you did and it's Ok.
That's your role, you're the parent.

Children thrive with routine and schedules, they know what to expect, there aren't too many surprises, they learn by repetition, they can become comfortable and more adept at doing things. They don't have to concentrate on planning and figuring things out. They can be children and experience and learn from the experience.

Having Fun Once everything is in place, planned and you know what your limits are and how to be firm about them you too can relax and have fun.

Kids are great fun.
Did you ever notice how much they laugh and smile?
They see the world through new and unjaded eyes.
Everything is new.
Everything is an adventure.
Enjoy the newness with them. It can make you young too.

Enjoy the day - enjoy the vacation!
RK

The Secret to Raising Smart Kids - Scientific American Mind

Terrific Terrific Fantastic (need I go on with the adjectives of admiration?) Ok, one more, GREAT article in Scientific American Mind by Carol S. Dweck about - well, the title is self explanatory - The Secret to Raising Smart Kids . It's a somewhat long article but it's packed full of information, some tips and some additional reading.

Much of what they say goes along with many of the tenets of the coaching and teaching that I've done and the programs I've developed. It's terrific stuff. Read it and pass it on to anyone interested in raising smarter children (of all ages), or encouraging children who seem to be having a difficult time. There are ways to change and it's never too late to change. Never. Never too late to change.

'Educational' and 'Learning' - When Did They Become Four Letter Words? And Why?

Back again - hopefully the next post won't be so long in coming....it's been hectic and we've been dealing with all of the issues that I talked about in the last post. Add to that all kinds of school admissions issues for students from Pre-K through Graduate School...lots of the same anxiety issues although each level's search-and-admissions process are different. Mix in a bit of New Year's Resolutions for Parents, Kids and Family Units and it's been well... whew! Let's just say I'm really happy to have a chance to write here today.

So today's NY Times has an article about Scholastic's next book series "Scholastic Plans to Put Its Branding Iron on a Successor to Harry Potter" and I caught this statement by David Levithan, an executive editorial director at Scholastic "...we talk of it as being subversively educational." Ok - here's the problem I have with that statement.

I know, believe me I know that if you try and get children to do something strictly because it's educational the glassy eyed stares and yawns that greet you will make you never want to utter those words again. Sure there are other ways to get children involved in activities that help them learn, the problem is that "educational" and "learning" have become the words that people speak in hushed tones. Everything else is out there in the open. And I mean EVERYTHING else - but this topic adults are afraid or reluctant to discuss.

Here's the thing. Let's get "educational" out of the back rooms. Let's show it proudly and talk about it openly because educational can be fun especially if it's approached the right way. Because when we stop learning we stop growing and living the best and most complete lives that we can. Because everything in our lives can be educational one way or another. Because life is educational and that's a good thing.

Think about vacations. Think about reading something interesting. Think about trying a new sport or taking a new route to work. Think about getting a new pet for the family. Think about the first time you went on the internet. Think about the first time you shopped on the internet. Keep going - think of all the things you did today and that hokey little saying we say all the time "well, I guess you learn something new every day". How lucky are we to be able to do that?

Ok - I sound like some Teacher's Pet-Pollyanna-Nerd - none of which I was in school believe me. But I know that the greatest joys in life come from continuing to learn new things. Learning helps prevent brain degeneration as you get older, our brains have amazing plasticity which allows us to learn and re-learn and develop new brain pathways. It's all good. Really.

So. Take the word "educational" off the list of four-letter words and embrace it and use it with your children. Be excited about learning new things. Talk about the "new thing you learn every day". If you approach it this way - they will learn to do so.

The great by-product of this is that you'll encourage your children to be self-starters in new projects, ideas and worlds of thought. They'll be less bored because there will always be something new to learn and try.

As a person who's never bored because there's always something new to learn and try...I'll tell you it's the greatest thing in the world.