Many of you have sent emails asking for a blog post addressing A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly and the topic of bullying in particular. I've written roughly 4 different drafts for posts and haven't hit "publish post" for any of them. The topic is way too complicated for a short (or even long-ish) blog post.
Quick Coaching Tip:
I will say one thing to parents, educators and others who work and deal with children but might not be in a position to really "do" anything in certain bullying situations besides attempting to stop the bullying going on at the moment. Think teachers in a classroom, parents whose children have other friends visiting, counselors in group settings, museum and tour leaders and others.
It's one small phrase that I learned from a professor years ago (I wish I remembered who it was so I could give them the credit for it.) It will not solve the problem but it can make a big difference in a short-term crisis situation.
The short phrase is "I can't let you _____________________". You can fill in the blank depending on the situation.
"I can't let you do that in my classroom"
"I can't let you hit anyone in here."
"I can't let you call anyone names."
"I can't let you bother someone."
"I can't let you curse in my house."
"I can't let you punch someone else."
Practice saying it using other situations and expressions to fill in the blank.
Say it with authority.
Mean it.
Use an authoritative tone.
Don't whine it or put a question mark at the end of the sentence.
Don't sound hesitant.
Mean it.
Mean it.
Mean it. You can't let them do that. Period.
Practice the "teacher look" that my clients, friends and family always ask me to teach them. (Suffice it to say that on while taking a trip once with my third-grade students I used the look on the bus - the school bus driver who probably had seen it all looked at me and said "MAN! You even scared me with that look!")
Develop your own voice and look. Shouting doesn't do the trick, children learn early on how to tune out shouting.
Again - this is NOT a cure or solution, it's a quick short-term way to diffuse potentially difficult situations for a very short time.
Longer range solutions require different strategies for different situations which are too numerous to post here.
If you have any other questions or concerns that you'd like some information on please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com
Good Luck!
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Staying Calm During Test Taking and Decision Making Re: Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy WSJ
I meant to put this post up on the Kick-Start Self Coaching blog
and talk more about test-taking here. But somehow I may have had my head in two places at once (NOT A GOOD test-taking skill!) and somehow I put it here.
After you read the post try these tips to help your children improve their level of calm during tests which is a crucial component to being a good test-taker.
Coaching Tip: Use the coaching tip mentioned below with practice tests.
* Buy one of those old fashioned egg timers and keep practicing with your children the art of staying cool under pressure.
* Get them used to answering the (practice) test questions as quickly, carefully and calmly as they can.
* Mention Hamilton to your children - he needs practice and help too even to do one of the coolest and stressful sports.
(Here's the post)
I love speed racing (to watch, not participate in, although it was a childhood wish of mine to be a race car driver...ah yes...while most little girls were wishing for ballerina slippers I was wishing for race car helmets but that's all for another day...) where was I? Oh yes, that's one of the things that drew me to the article in the WSJ "Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy" about Lewis Hamilton. The article describes his racing with F1 which is Europe's Nascar but with some grueling differences.
What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton's special skill and nerves of steel to "pass by braking - waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn". The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton's team. "Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm." Fantastic!!! I'll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.
"Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm."
That's one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.
Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.
There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.
Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.
I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a "problem" and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn't a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.
Whatever works!
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting
and talk more about test-taking here. But somehow I may have had my head in two places at once (NOT A GOOD test-taking skill!) and somehow I put it here.
After you read the post try these tips to help your children improve their level of calm during tests which is a crucial component to being a good test-taker.
Coaching Tip: Use the coaching tip mentioned below with practice tests.
* Buy one of those old fashioned egg timers and keep practicing with your children the art of staying cool under pressure.
* Get them used to answering the (practice) test questions as quickly, carefully and calmly as they can.
* Mention Hamilton to your children - he needs practice and help too even to do one of the coolest and stressful sports.
(Here's the post)
I love speed racing (to watch, not participate in, although it was a childhood wish of mine to be a race car driver...ah yes...while most little girls were wishing for ballerina slippers I was wishing for race car helmets but that's all for another day...) where was I? Oh yes, that's one of the things that drew me to the article in the WSJ "Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy" about Lewis Hamilton. The article describes his racing with F1 which is Europe's Nascar but with some grueling differences.
What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton's special skill and nerves of steel to "pass by braking - waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn". The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton's team. "Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm." Fantastic!!! I'll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.
"Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm."
That's one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.
Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.
There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.
Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.
I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a "problem" and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn't a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.
Whatever works!
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data - Wall Street Journal
Terrific article in the Wall Street Journal by Lee Gomes Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data On Endless Web Data
So - we're hardwired to graze for information? And HOW much information are children exposed to nowadays? Oh, that's right - an enormous, overwhelming amount.
One of the challenges we work with parent and educators on is how to assist children in regulating the amount of information they expose themselves to and how they integrate it into their minds, psyches, behaviors and world views. It's not easy for parents assisting their children in managing technology and a world that they had no experience with as children. Brave New World as it were.
Coaching Tips:
Don't be afraid to set limits for your child's technology consumption.
Sit down with your children and get input as to how they think this can be done. (They'll tell you it can't. It can.)
Discuss how you intend to set the limits.
Be clear about the limits.
Be clear about the consequences to not adhering to the limits.
Follow through.
You're doing the children a favor. Imagine if they could stay up as late as they say they wanted to? Eat as much as they say they want to? Run around as much as they say they want to? Yeah - I think you've got the picture.
Not having all that tech time leaves room for lots of other things for them to explore and get used to. It encourages development of different skills and ways to keep themselves occupied.
Good luck!
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting
So - we're hardwired to graze for information? And HOW much information are children exposed to nowadays? Oh, that's right - an enormous, overwhelming amount.
One of the challenges we work with parent and educators on is how to assist children in regulating the amount of information they expose themselves to and how they integrate it into their minds, psyches, behaviors and world views. It's not easy for parents assisting their children in managing technology and a world that they had no experience with as children. Brave New World as it were.
Coaching Tips:
Don't be afraid to set limits for your child's technology consumption.
Sit down with your children and get input as to how they think this can be done. (They'll tell you it can't. It can.)
Discuss how you intend to set the limits.
Be clear about the limits.
Be clear about the consequences to not adhering to the limits.
Follow through.
You're doing the children a favor. Imagine if they could stay up as late as they say they wanted to? Eat as much as they say they want to? Run around as much as they say they want to? Yeah - I think you've got the picture.
Not having all that tech time leaves room for lots of other things for them to explore and get used to. It encourages development of different skills and ways to keep themselves occupied.
Good luck!
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting
Monday, March 10, 2008
Introducing EtherThink Inc. - Keep An Electronic Eye Out... - Re:Text Generation Gap: U R 2 Old (JK) - NY Times
Ok - we're still in development on this one but today's NY Times article Text Generation Gap: U R 2 Old (JK) just begs for the connection.
Welcome to EtherThink Inc.! EtherThink Inc. which will be housed at http://www.etherthink.com and at http://etherthinkinc.blogspot.com bridges the high-tech/high-touch divide. Think of EtherThink as your electronic eyes and ears and windows to the mind. Gone are the days of paper, pen (or markers and crayons for the younger set). "The medium is the message" as Marshall Mcluhan said. It's hard to understand the message of all the new mediums. It's hard to understand how people absorb and retain information. Now imagine combining the two. That's EtherThink Inc.
How can I best communicate my thoughts and information using the newest technologies?
Who is my audience? How do they think? How can I reach them using technology?
How can I translate my information to a technological language and medium?
How can I interact using the technology available?
The challenges of communicating using technology get more complicated as more becomes available. People learn new ways of interacting using technology.
Using training, education and experience in the high-tech arena as well as training, education and experience in the hi-touch areas of human development, education, mental health, psychology, educational programming and more EtherThink Inc. will assist you to combine, coordinate, translate and create ways of communicating using the latest technologies to reach your very human audience.
Is there information you'd like to transmit and for others to receive technologically? Information, entertainment, personal communication, educational or medical information, no matter what the information is there's a human at the end of the line. Who that human audience is, how they think, how they absorb and retain information, what are the best ways to reach them, what technologies are they using or will be in the future? EtherThink Inc. has been providing the service for educational, government, entertainment and media corporations for over a decade.
EtherThink Inc. is for you if you are a corporation, institution, educational institution, entertainment conglomerate, medical institution or private practitioner, art institution, parent, teacher, counselor, artist, writer or anyone who deals with those strangest of species...Humans.
Keep an electronic eye out for more information about EtherThink Inc.
For more information about EtherThink please contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans at gtkgroup dot com
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA0
Daily Life Consulting
Welcome to EtherThink Inc.! EtherThink Inc. which will be housed at http://www.etherthink.com and at http://etherthinkinc.blogspot.com bridges the high-tech/high-touch divide. Think of EtherThink as your electronic eyes and ears and windows to the mind. Gone are the days of paper, pen (or markers and crayons for the younger set). "The medium is the message" as Marshall Mcluhan said. It's hard to understand the message of all the new mediums. It's hard to understand how people absorb and retain information. Now imagine combining the two. That's EtherThink Inc.
How can I best communicate my thoughts and information using the newest technologies?
Who is my audience? How do they think? How can I reach them using technology?
How can I translate my information to a technological language and medium?
How can I interact using the technology available?
The challenges of communicating using technology get more complicated as more becomes available. People learn new ways of interacting using technology.
Using training, education and experience in the high-tech arena as well as training, education and experience in the hi-touch areas of human development, education, mental health, psychology, educational programming and more EtherThink Inc. will assist you to combine, coordinate, translate and create ways of communicating using the latest technologies to reach your very human audience.
Is there information you'd like to transmit and for others to receive technologically? Information, entertainment, personal communication, educational or medical information, no matter what the information is there's a human at the end of the line. Who that human audience is, how they think, how they absorb and retain information, what are the best ways to reach them, what technologies are they using or will be in the future? EtherThink Inc. has been providing the service for educational, government, entertainment and media corporations for over a decade.
EtherThink Inc. is for you if you are a corporation, institution, educational institution, entertainment conglomerate, medical institution or private practitioner, art institution, parent, teacher, counselor, artist, writer or anyone who deals with those strangest of species...Humans.
Keep an electronic eye out for more information about EtherThink Inc.
For more information about EtherThink please contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans at gtkgroup dot com
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA0
Daily Life Consulting
Introducing ME FIRST COACHING (c)
In answer to the oft-asked question "but what about ME?" here's the answer. Introducing ME FIRST COACHING (c). I posted some information on the Daily Life Consulting blog here . Note the Q&A about why it's called "ME FIRST" (c).
As parents and others who are living and dealing with children you know the concept behind giving, giving, giving and giving some more. You're too tired to even think about doing something for yourselves until that day when it all hits the fan. Stop.
Don't let it get to that point. If you take a deep breath and inhale from your "oxygen mask" first i.e. take care of yourself, you'll have the energy, stamina, drive and desire to do all the other things "for everyone else" that you need to.
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
For more info on Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids or ME FIRST COACHING(c) contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or for speaking, lectures, workshops or groups at your schools, functions or groups please contact Jill Evans at jill at gtkgroup dot com
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)
Daily Life Consulting
As parents and others who are living and dealing with children you know the concept behind giving, giving, giving and giving some more. You're too tired to even think about doing something for yourselves until that day when it all hits the fan. Stop.
Don't let it get to that point. If you take a deep breath and inhale from your "oxygen mask" first i.e. take care of yourself, you'll have the energy, stamina, drive and desire to do all the other things "for everyone else" that you need to.
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
For more info on Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids or ME FIRST COACHING(c) contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or for speaking, lectures, workshops or groups at your schools, functions or groups please contact Jill Evans at jill at gtkgroup dot com
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)
Daily Life Consulting
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
What Is Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids? + What Makes Finnish Kids So Smart? WSJ + Single Sex Public Education - NYTimes
When it comes to Education I'm a bit "Back To The Future" in my philosophy. Hi-Touch and Hi-Tech. Hi-touch because there's nothing more real than children, especially young children. Hi-tech because it's the present and future.
Combine the old fangled methods that work well with technology that meets the educational, intellectual, emotional and creative needs of children. It sounds very simple, and conceptually it is but...it also implies asking and answering many questions about what the "educational, intellectual, emotional and creative needs of children" are. That is one of our goals here at Daily Life Consulting (4 Kids).
Other goals include applying all the knowledge and using it to create and develop and teach daily life solutions which will enable children to have the most fun and successful childhoods possible. We work with parents, teachers, counselors, therapists, coaches, schools and school administration, government and corporations and anyone else who works and cares about children who would like to acquire the skills, knowledge and techniques that will enable them to encourage healthy growth and success.
To that end, along with the Learning Readiness and Skills modules that I've been working on we are in the midst of creating and developing one of the most exciting coaching and learning modules that it has been my extreme joy and excitement to create. I don't want to say more until it's been worked through a bit more but it will combine the most basic elements of hi-touch with preparing children for a future in a very hi-tech world.
In answer to your questions about what I think re: the New York Times article about Single Sex Public Education. Yes.
As for what works, check out a great article in the Wall Street Journal about education that works, that is (gasp) somewhat old-fashioned What Makes Finnish Kids So Smart?Among other concepts "one explanation for the Finns success is their love of reading".
What I love about the article is the description of the Finnish philosophy, the libraries in the malls, the lack of competing "cool factors" in schools. The focus on learning and allowing for children to be children and growing. Mr. Erma, a teacher at the school put it brilliantly "we just have to accept the fact that they're kids and they're learning how to live."
Let's work together to do that ... help them "learn how to live". Not "how to take tests well" or "how to get a pedicure at 6" or "how to follow pop entertainment role models to the exclusion of everything else" or "how to be the ultimate consumer by age 10" but simply "how to live".
If you have any questions or comments or would like more information on Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids please email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
Combine the old fangled methods that work well with technology that meets the educational, intellectual, emotional and creative needs of children. It sounds very simple, and conceptually it is but...it also implies asking and answering many questions about what the "educational, intellectual, emotional and creative needs of children" are. That is one of our goals here at Daily Life Consulting (4 Kids).
Other goals include applying all the knowledge and using it to create and develop and teach daily life solutions which will enable children to have the most fun and successful childhoods possible. We work with parents, teachers, counselors, therapists, coaches, schools and school administration, government and corporations and anyone else who works and cares about children who would like to acquire the skills, knowledge and techniques that will enable them to encourage healthy growth and success.
To that end, along with the Learning Readiness and Skills modules that I've been working on we are in the midst of creating and developing one of the most exciting coaching and learning modules that it has been my extreme joy and excitement to create. I don't want to say more until it's been worked through a bit more but it will combine the most basic elements of hi-touch with preparing children for a future in a very hi-tech world.
In answer to your questions about what I think re: the New York Times article about Single Sex Public Education. Yes.
As for what works, check out a great article in the Wall Street Journal about education that works, that is (gasp) somewhat old-fashioned What Makes Finnish Kids So Smart?Among other concepts "one explanation for the Finns success is their love of reading".
What I love about the article is the description of the Finnish philosophy, the libraries in the malls, the lack of competing "cool factors" in schools. The focus on learning and allowing for children to be children and growing. Mr. Erma, a teacher at the school put it brilliantly "we just have to accept the fact that they're kids and they're learning how to live."
Let's work together to do that ... help them "learn how to live". Not "how to take tests well" or "how to get a pedicure at 6" or "how to follow pop entertainment role models to the exclusion of everything else" or "how to be the ultimate consumer by age 10" but simply "how to live".
If you have any questions or comments or would like more information on Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids please email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
Monday, March 3, 2008
Bill Gates Wants To Know... How To Make Kids Interested in Science
So Bill Gates wants to know how to get children more interested in science (he asks the question on Linked In).
Simple Bill - in three words - fun, exciting, important.
Make science fun.
Make it exciting.
Make it something that is perceived to have worth and importance in our society.
Make science mushy, gushy, messy, explosive, fun, something to think about before, during and after school. Don't fit it into a 45 minute block of time during a school day that is devoted to test-prep at the expense of everything else.
I could go on and on about it but instead I'll just remember the goofy science experiments and lessons I did with my early childhood classes. We laughed, we gasped, we thought and talked about them. We took pictures and they became "remember when?" moments. They were fun. They were exciting. They were important because I tied them into the children's worlds. They were relevant.
So Mr. Gates here's how it looks through the eyes of someone who looked at it through children's eyes for many years. Joyous, Fun, Exciting, Full of Feeling, Worthwhile.
Or, imagine what it looked like. A room full of children from all different countries around the world (our public school was called "The International School"). Some speak English, some don't. They're all huddled around a corner of the room. Some are wearing smocks, some are wearing rubber gloves. They are all smiling. Most are giggling. Some are ooo-ing and aaaaa-ing. Some are clapping their hands with glee and some are getting a bit giddy and jumping in place. Their eyes are glowing and their faces are shining. They're all smiling unless they're concentrating too hard, in which case, they are tense with anticipation.
They are inventing. They are creating. They are discovering. They are asking questions. They are uncovering answers. They are thinking new thoughts.
(Oh, and by the way - they're behaving.) They are scientists and they are loving every minute of it.
That's how you get kids interested in science Mr. Gates. Try it. You'll love every minute of it yourself.
Simple Bill - in three words - fun, exciting, important.
Make science fun.
Make it exciting.
Make it something that is perceived to have worth and importance in our society.
Make science mushy, gushy, messy, explosive, fun, something to think about before, during and after school. Don't fit it into a 45 minute block of time during a school day that is devoted to test-prep at the expense of everything else.
I could go on and on about it but instead I'll just remember the goofy science experiments and lessons I did with my early childhood classes. We laughed, we gasped, we thought and talked about them. We took pictures and they became "remember when?" moments. They were fun. They were exciting. They were important because I tied them into the children's worlds. They were relevant.
So Mr. Gates here's how it looks through the eyes of someone who looked at it through children's eyes for many years. Joyous, Fun, Exciting, Full of Feeling, Worthwhile.
Or, imagine what it looked like. A room full of children from all different countries around the world (our public school was called "The International School"). Some speak English, some don't. They're all huddled around a corner of the room. Some are wearing smocks, some are wearing rubber gloves. They are all smiling. Most are giggling. Some are ooo-ing and aaaaa-ing. Some are clapping their hands with glee and some are getting a bit giddy and jumping in place. Their eyes are glowing and their faces are shining. They're all smiling unless they're concentrating too hard, in which case, they are tense with anticipation.
They are inventing. They are creating. They are discovering. They are asking questions. They are uncovering answers. They are thinking new thoughts.
(Oh, and by the way - they're behaving.) They are scientists and they are loving every minute of it.
That's how you get kids interested in science Mr. Gates. Try it. You'll love every minute of it yourself.
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