Helping Children Fail Successfully - Part 2 of a 3 part series

In Part 1 of Helping Children Fail Successfully I talked a bit about success, failure and how to teach children to fail successfully. I proposed we change the term Fear of Failure to Fear of Learning Nothing From Failure. Today, we'll start on the sometimes tough work of thinking about how one reacts to failure and next week I'll provide some Quick Start Coaching Tips for teaching children to succeed at everything they attempt. How? To succeed in their endeavors, certainly, but also to get something positive from the times they fail. The way I see it it's a win-win, lose-win situation!

Quick Start Coaching Tip: This weekend it's all about you.

Who likes thinking about their failures? Well, it won't be forever (a great lesson to be learned from a failure!) and it's an important step in understanding how your methods of dealing in both positive and negative ways might impact the way you approach it with your children.

1. Can you remember a situation where you really wanted to succeed at something but didn't? (think back to last week or as far back as grade school)
Was it a job? A competition? A marathon? A game? A promotion? A personal goal you set but weren't able to achieve? A part in the school play? A date for prom? A grade you wanted on an exam? A course you wanted to take? That cute guy/girl you were just dying to go out with? The account you wanted to land?(I just came up with about a dozen myself!)

2. Write down the words that come to mind that describe how you felt.
Angry, sad, furious, enraged, depressed, dejected, ashamed, annoyed, blase, hysterical, whichever words work for you.

3. What did you do next?
Did you brood? Did you give up on the whole thing altogether? Did you try and figure out what you might have done differently? Did you blame yourself completely for the failure? Did you ask other people for support? Did you shut yourself away alone until you got over it? Did you abandon all hope for ever achieving the goal? Did you recharge and attempt it again? Did you try to achieve it a different way?

The list of ways one reacts is vast. Everyone has their own way of dealing with failure what we're trying to do here is identify your particular way of reacting so that you can think about how that impacts the way you react to the failure/s of the children in your life.

4. Would you react differently to it today? How?

Experience is a great teacher (I love her but I really wish she was always kind to me instead of teaching me some lessons the hard way!). Time often provides us with a new perspective on an old situation.

5. What did you learn about yourself and what's right for you by going through the situation?

Take a couple of days to think about it. Next week you'll use that personal knowledge to move forward with teaching the children in your life about failing, failing good, and how to learn from their failures and disappointments so that they can move forward successfully. That might sound like a contradiction but it really isn't.

Email me your war stories, tears, upsets and all. I love hearing from you.
To read Part 1 of the series click HERE

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
Daily Life Consulting
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For more information on coaching, groups, workshops, seminars or classes, lectures and materials for your group or organization please call 646.468.0608 or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

WSJ article - Some Date: How Homecoming Is Losing Out to Hanging Out

Terrific article by Jeff Zaslow How Homecoming Is Losing Out to Hanging Out. He writes as the concerned and involved father of three teenage girls about issues that teen girls are dealing with in an evolving culture of dating.

When working with teen clients and their parents on different school and social issues dating comes up at some point. Some teens aren't comfortable talking about it right away but inevitably it's a topic that needs to be addressed. Teens are discovering their identities in many areas and dating is one area that needs to be talked about earlier rather than later.

The behavior that a girl accepts and becomes comfortable with early on can effect her dating behavior as she gets older. Assertiveness, self-esteem and respect, self-knowledge, self-worth and a sense of direction all impact her choices.

Most girls and young women have difficulty navigating the dating terrain and when working with adult clients through Daily Life Consulting it is amazing how much of adult behavior clients attribute to dating patterns that were set years, sometimes decades, before.

Life Skills for Teen Girls: Begin from where you are speaking with your daughters about dating and the social scene they're involved with.

Find ways and programs to encourage and develop their assertiveness, self-esteem, self-respect, self-knowledge, self-worth, sense of direction, education goals, career aspirations, family, relationship and cultural goals and desires. Do it now. It's the perfect time to start no matter what's gone before. You can't change the past but you can impact the future.

Good luck and please email me with any thoughts, suggestions, questions or comments at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

RK