Bullying - Re:A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly - NY Times

Many of you have sent emails asking for a blog post addressing A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly and the topic of bullying in particular. I've written roughly 4 different drafts for posts and haven't hit "publish post" for any of them. The topic is way too complicated for a short (or even long-ish) blog post.

Quick Coaching Tip:
I will say one thing to parents, educators and others who work and deal with children but might not be in a position to really "do" anything in certain bullying situations besides attempting to stop the bullying going on at the moment. Think teachers in a classroom, parents whose children have other friends visiting, counselors in group settings, museum and tour leaders and others.

It's one small phrase that I learned from a professor years ago (I wish I remembered who it was so I could give them the credit for it.) It will not solve the problem but it can make a big difference in a short-term crisis situation.

The short phrase is "I can't let you _____________________". You can fill in the blank depending on the situation.
"I can't let you do that in my classroom"
"I can't let you hit anyone in here."
"I can't let you call anyone names."
"I can't let you bother someone."
"I can't let you curse in my house."
"I can't let you punch someone else."

Practice saying it using other situations and expressions to fill in the blank.
Say it with authority.
Mean it.
Use an authoritative tone.
Don't whine it or put a question mark at the end of the sentence.
Don't sound hesitant.
Mean it.
Mean it.
Mean it. You can't let them do that. Period.
Practice the "teacher look" that my clients, friends and family always ask me to teach them. (Suffice it to say that on while taking a trip once with my third-grade students I used the look on the bus - the school bus driver who probably had seen it all looked at me and said "MAN! You even scared me with that look!")
Develop your own voice and look. Shouting doesn't do the trick, children learn early on how to tune out shouting.

Again - this is NOT a cure or solution, it's a quick short-term way to diffuse potentially difficult situations for a very short time.

Longer range solutions require different strategies for different situations which are too numerous to post here.

If you have any other questions or concerns that you'd like some information on please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Good Luck!
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting