"Because I Said So" "Because I'm the Mother" "Because I'm the Father"

Vacation time! Well, that's all relative I guess. Vacation time for children and overtime for parents.

It's hectic.
You're feeling harried.
Between getting it right for the holidays -
being sandwiched between parents and children-
trying to work
trying to relax (a little? pretty please???) -
trying not to eat too much
trying to keep the kids entertained
Ok, let's be honest trying to keep them from fighting...shall I go on?
I've been hearing it and working with people on these issues all month and it's tough.

So first of all. Relax and think - school starts again in a few days. But until then you've got to get through and there's no reason not to get through it well with some planning, some putting down of the foot, and some fun.
One step at a time.

Planning
It's not too late to plan now for the next few days. Take a half an hour - no "what? a half an hour???" Find it. Ok - that half hour will buy you hours of peace. Here's what you do.

Outline the hours that need to be filled.
Choose a few activities either in the house or outside that can fill them.
Write down the materials, people, resources you'll need to do them.
Gather your resources.
Plan it out as closely as you can.
Tell the children what will be happening in the next few days. This gives them a sense of control over their immediate future and can often stave off "I'm booooooooored" and "what should I dooooooooooooo?"

Putting Down of the Foot!

Many of the parents I work with have been socialized to believe that nowadays the only way to approach situations with children is to explain and discuss what's going on and why they must do things. There are myriad reasons for this depending on the person, the way they were raised, their expectations of being a parent, pressures from other parents and their own parents and on and on.

Without delving into those at this time I'll just say that children are not small adults. They don't comprehend the ramifications of different situations in the way that adults do. They don't have the same sense of cause and effect, they don't understand the consequences of different actions, they don't understand what lots of things mean. They don't have the experiences or skills to know all that. They aren't supposed to yet. That's what growing up teaches them. They are too young to know all of that.

That's why it's your job to put down your foot and be firm about certain things. Again, I'm not talking about being punitive, or strict all the time. I'm not talking about not discussing things that they might understand on a level that they may understand it. Far from it and those of you who work with me or have heard me speak know that.

What that does mean is that sometimes it's ok to say "Because I said so", "because I'm the mother/father". Sure a vision of your own parent comes up in front of you and you think "I can NOT believe I just said that!!!!". But you did and it's Ok.
That's your role, you're the parent.

Children thrive with routine and schedules, they know what to expect, there aren't too many surprises, they learn by repetition, they can become comfortable and more adept at doing things. They don't have to concentrate on planning and figuring things out. They can be children and experience and learn from the experience.

Having Fun Once everything is in place, planned and you know what your limits are and how to be firm about them you too can relax and have fun.

Kids are great fun.
Did you ever notice how much they laugh and smile?
They see the world through new and unjaded eyes.
Everything is new.
Everything is an adventure.
Enjoy the newness with them. It can make you young too.

Enjoy the day - enjoy the vacation!
RK