Giving Disorganized Boys the Tools for Success - NY Times

Happy 2008 All!

I got so many emails about the planning and organizing post below so if you haven't gotten a response it's on its way! (Not today though I was supposed to be on tech-break altogether...)

Meanwhile there's an interesting article in the New York Times
Giving Disorganized Boys the Tools for Success by Alan Finder.

It makes some great points about organizing and planning. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole boys/girls points that they raise. In my years of experience I've come across boys who were so organized they put everyone in the class/school/university to shame and girls who came in on a cloud of dust like Pigpen in the Snoopy comics. Although I'm the first one to talk about how boys and girls are different and that that's wonderful and as it should be I'm not sure about this area.

Having said that, there are some great ideas and thoughts for boys and girls in the article. Not the least of which is the idea of doing homework in a silent environment without tech or other distractions.

Another thought - the fact that the boys get the personalized attention with their work - well to me that might be a big part of it. Any child could benefit from that. And a teenage boy getting personal attention from an attractive 20-something year old? Damn straight they'll sit up and pay attention!

It actually brought to mind a story about a student of mine from my first year of teaching. He was 4 and it was kindergarten. He was, how shall we put it, quite active and it took months to get him into a routine and behaving appropriately for school. He was bright and sweet and everything else and I enjoyed him as a student to no end. I ran into his mother the following year and asked how he was doing "could I please give him back to you?" was her response. It seems Greg (not his real name) was having toughest time in his new class. His behavior was a problem as well as a host of other things we'd worked on the year before. They'd called in his mother for a meeting with the principal and his teacher and during the course of the conversation they'd asked him what was going on.
"But you were so wonderful last year Greg." His answer? "But that was for Rebecca".

A good connection with a child will encourage the most wonderful behaviors and enhance the ablility to learn new skills and subjects. It's not the only thing, but it does play a part. I think the concept described in the article is great and the attention they're getting, especially from someone they're connecting with. I think all children and young adults should have that kind of personal attention while finding their place in school and the world.

Good article. Good concept.
Tips you can take from it include personal attention to homework, silent and concentrated homework time, interest in what they're doing and they're deadlines, a soft touch and a caring and interested adult. Watch how they thrive.
Happy 2008!
RK

"Because I Said So" "Because I'm the Mother" "Because I'm the Father"

Vacation time! Well, that's all relative I guess. Vacation time for children and overtime for parents.

It's hectic.
You're feeling harried.
Between getting it right for the holidays -
being sandwiched between parents and children-
trying to work
trying to relax (a little? pretty please???) -
trying not to eat too much
trying to keep the kids entertained
Ok, let's be honest trying to keep them from fighting...shall I go on?
I've been hearing it and working with people on these issues all month and it's tough.

So first of all. Relax and think - school starts again in a few days. But until then you've got to get through and there's no reason not to get through it well with some planning, some putting down of the foot, and some fun.
One step at a time.

Planning
It's not too late to plan now for the next few days. Take a half an hour - no "what? a half an hour???" Find it. Ok - that half hour will buy you hours of peace. Here's what you do.

Outline the hours that need to be filled.
Choose a few activities either in the house or outside that can fill them.
Write down the materials, people, resources you'll need to do them.
Gather your resources.
Plan it out as closely as you can.
Tell the children what will be happening in the next few days. This gives them a sense of control over their immediate future and can often stave off "I'm booooooooored" and "what should I dooooooooooooo?"

Putting Down of the Foot!

Many of the parents I work with have been socialized to believe that nowadays the only way to approach situations with children is to explain and discuss what's going on and why they must do things. There are myriad reasons for this depending on the person, the way they were raised, their expectations of being a parent, pressures from other parents and their own parents and on and on.

Without delving into those at this time I'll just say that children are not small adults. They don't comprehend the ramifications of different situations in the way that adults do. They don't have the same sense of cause and effect, they don't understand the consequences of different actions, they don't understand what lots of things mean. They don't have the experiences or skills to know all that. They aren't supposed to yet. That's what growing up teaches them. They are too young to know all of that.

That's why it's your job to put down your foot and be firm about certain things. Again, I'm not talking about being punitive, or strict all the time. I'm not talking about not discussing things that they might understand on a level that they may understand it. Far from it and those of you who work with me or have heard me speak know that.

What that does mean is that sometimes it's ok to say "Because I said so", "because I'm the mother/father". Sure a vision of your own parent comes up in front of you and you think "I can NOT believe I just said that!!!!". But you did and it's Ok.
That's your role, you're the parent.

Children thrive with routine and schedules, they know what to expect, there aren't too many surprises, they learn by repetition, they can become comfortable and more adept at doing things. They don't have to concentrate on planning and figuring things out. They can be children and experience and learn from the experience.

Having Fun Once everything is in place, planned and you know what your limits are and how to be firm about them you too can relax and have fun.

Kids are great fun.
Did you ever notice how much they laugh and smile?
They see the world through new and unjaded eyes.
Everything is new.
Everything is an adventure.
Enjoy the newness with them. It can make you young too.

Enjoy the day - enjoy the vacation!
RK

The Best Laid Plans....

This is how it goes. You plan and organize and set everything up just so and you're ready and - BOOM! Something happens that messes up any semblance of order and routine you had. I speak from experience and I'm sure you hear me from experience.

I had it all planned out. I was going to write the next few posts in response to emails and comments I'd gotten about the previous posts here. I was going to focus on routines, making routines routine, organizing, keeping to a schedule etc. etc. And then - BOOM! I broke a leg - not in the theatrical way (but it has gotten me thinking again about some old things in new ways...) yes, I broke my foot. So besides the pain and annoyance and aggravation and not being able to function like I'm used to (let's not even talk about the hours that I walk every day which I can't do for a while...)there are a number of things that had to be put on hold, reorganized and re-figured.


Life Skills Tips for Children of All Ages

* Think of alternative ways to do the things you wanted to do.
* Remember all the projects you've wanted to complete that didn't fit into your
regular schedule. Can you do any of them now?
* Indulge yourself in ways you might not otherwise. Treat yourself well.
* Ask for help. You can't do all the things you normally would right now. Who can
help?

Stay well and healthy!