Helping Children Fail Successfully - Part 3 of a 3-Part Series

In Part 1 and Part 2 of Helping Children Fail Successfully I talked a bit about changing the term "fear of failure" to "fear of learning nothing from failure" and outlined a first step for approaching this attitude change. Asking yourselves questions about your thoughts and reactions to failure. I was amazed at the email and session comments and questions. Hmmmm, can you imagine? Just about every single email mentioned a failure that hit you very hard. Of course they did. You wanted something, you worked toward getting it, you imagined your life after it and it didn't happen.

I loved hearing about how you reacted and why. The ways in which it moved you forward or sometimes kept you stuck. But enough about you for right now. Let's talk about you and how your reactions to failure affect how you interact with the children in your lives when it comes to succeeding. Most of you asked for specifics. How-to deal with competition, success and failure.

Quick Start Coaching Tips for changing "fear of failure" to "fear of learning nothing from failure".

1. Begin the dialogue before the event. Discuss the different outcomes as you are working with your child toward the goal. Use the following questions as an outline for the types of conversations you might have.

Note: Use an intro to talking about it that is most comfortable for you. You can use the internet to surf ways to practice or get information on the topic together, the drive to and from practice, the dinner table, going out to a movie,lunch or shopping together for some special-together-time. Whatever works for you. 
* Would you like to win/get _____?
* Why do you want to win/get _____?
* What might happen as a result of winning/achieving?
* Do you know anyone who has ever won/finished/gotten ______________?
* Do you know anyone who wanted to ____________ but didn't?
* How can you prepare to achieve it?

2. Identify role models (yourself included!)

* Choose role models that mirror the activity or goal involved. Actors if it's a role in the school play, athletes if it's a sport, musicians if it's music, astronauts if it's space-travel related, scientists etc.

* Discuss their achievements and what makes them positive role models.
* Ask the tough questions - do you think they reached every goal they set out to?
How do you think they prepare? What happens when they lose/don't achieve?

Note: Try and get some information for yourself so that you can mention it in the conversation. There's tons of biographical information available online. You might also include experiences from your own life to include. 

3. After the fall..... Ok. The worst happened. Disappointment, dejection, sadness...name the bad feeling that's washing over your child and give her/him a chance to feel them. THEN - dig in and figure out;

* What happened?
* What do you think might have contributed?
* Note all the circumstances within and OUT OF the child's control.

4. Change the language of the event. Move forward. Use these two simple words and three simple words.

* Next time....
* In the future....

What you're doing by using those phrases is moving forward immediately, planning for the future, getting into a "try again" mentality and showing your child that the situation is not a be-all-and-end-all. It's an experience. There will be other experiences if they keep on moving forward and trying again. 

Many parents try and shield their children from disappointment, rejection, failure and anything negative but in the long run that's not the best way to assist children in preparing for the future. It can be a tough world out there. We all want things we might not get, or might get them later than we wanted or in a different way than we anticipated. Children need to develop the mentality and the skills to deal with setbacks, disappointments and failure. That's how they can continue onward and upward to eventually succeed.

Look at anyone you know who has accomplished something, or many things. Now, ask them how many times they've failed.

Enjoy the day your way and let me know how it goes!
Rebecca (Kiki)
*******************
For information on individual coaching, workshops, seminars, or classes and materials for your group or institution please call or email at 646.355.8759 or coach at atypicalcoaching at gmail.com 

Helping Children Fail Successfully - Part 2 of a 3 part series

In Part 1 of Helping Children Fail Successfully I talked a bit about success, failure and how to teach children to fail successfully. I proposed we change the term Fear of Failure to Fear of Learning Nothing From Failure. Today, we'll start on the sometimes tough work of thinking about how one reacts to failure and next week I'll provide some Quick Start Coaching Tips for teaching children to succeed at everything they attempt. How? To succeed in their endeavors, certainly, but also to get something positive from the times they fail. The way I see it it's a win-win, lose-win situation!

Quick Start Coaching Tip: This weekend it's all about you.

Who likes thinking about their failures? Well, it won't be forever (a great lesson to be learned from a failure!) and it's an important step in understanding how your methods of dealing in both positive and negative ways might impact the way you approach it with your children.

1. Can you remember a situation where you really wanted to succeed at something but didn't? (think back to last week or as far back as grade school)
Was it a job? A competition? A marathon? A game? A promotion? A personal goal you set but weren't able to achieve? A part in the school play? A date for prom? A grade you wanted on an exam? A course you wanted to take? That cute guy/girl you were just dying to go out with? The account you wanted to land?(I just came up with about a dozen myself!)

2. Write down the words that come to mind that describe how you felt. 
Angry, sad, furious, enraged, depressed, dejected, ashamed, annoyed, blase, hysterical, whichever words work for you.

3. What did you do next?
Did you brood? Did you give up on the whole thing altogether? Did you try and figure out what you might have done differently? Did you blame yourself completely for the failure? Did you ask other people for support? Did you shut yourself away alone until you got over it? Did you abandon all hope for ever achieving the goal? Did you recharge and attempt it again? Did you try to achieve it a different way?

The list of ways one reacts is vast. Everyone has their own way of dealing with failure what we're trying to do here is identify your particular way of reacting so that you can think about how that impacts the way you react to the failure/s of the children in your life.

4. Would you react differently to it today? How? 

Experience is a great teacher (I love her but I really wish she was always kind to me instead of teaching me some lessons the hard way!). Time often provides us with a new perspective on an old situation.

5. What did you learn about yourself and what's right for you by going through the situation? 

Take a couple of days to think about it. Next week you'll use that personal knowledge to move forward with teaching the children in your life about failing, failing good, and how to learn from their failures and disappointments so that they can move forward successfully. That might sound like a contradiction but it really isn't.

Email me your war stories, tears, upsets and all. I love hearing from you.
To read Part 1 of the series click HERE

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information on coaching, groups, workshops, seminars or classes, lectures and materials for your group or organization please call 646.355.8759 or email me at atypicalcoaching at gmail.com

Helping Children Fail Successfully - A 3 Part Series

Helping Children Fail Successfully - A 3 Part Series

Fear of failure? Let's change that term to Fear of Learning Nothing From Failure.

No one wins all the time. No one. The greatest athletes mess up, fumble, strike out, fall, choke (fill in the term you use) all the time. It happens. Actors flub lines and get stage fright. Business leaders and owners make wrong decisions with serious consequences. Politicians lose elections. Scientist's experiments don't go the way they thought they would. Writers get writer's block or write something that they hate. Chefs burn the main dish.

The question is what happens after a failure? What do you do next?Did anyone get anywhere without some kind of failure along the way? Not a chance. The people who have achieved the most have also failed.

I've worked with so many children and parents throughout the years and this one area seems to trouble both groups the most. Failing at something. Whether it's not getting the lead, or any part, in the school play, not making the team, failing on a test or not doing well, making a public mistake at the recital, failing emotionally, failing socially, failing interpersonally...the list goes on and on. What to do? Parents are agitated and upset, the children are despondent and often anxious about their parent's reaction to the failure/upset.

The pressure to achieve everything, at all costs, publicly and every single time has been seeping into our collective national personality for a while. It's causing unreasonable expectations for parents and children.

I've decided to spend the next few posts talking about ways in which parents and adults who work with children can manage their expectations for themselves and their children, learn how to accept failure and disappointment in themselves and their children, and learn how to use failure as a positive learning opportunity.

When working with clients to achieve the above an amazing thing happens. They and their children try more new things! The fears are manageable, a failure doesn't become a catastrophic event and can be seen in context. Parents and children learn about managing frustration and disappointment. They also learn about expanding their options, being realistic about abilities and new ways to try achieving the same aims.

In short they learn my clients learn that "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again - oh - and try, try differently - oh - and try, try something new - oh - and try, try to measure yourself against only you".

I look forward to writing more about it - it's a topic I work with people on, lecture and teach but maybe I can learn some new things by approaching it in this new way.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For information on coaching, workshops, seminars, classes or materials for your group, school or institution please call 646.355.8759 or email me at atypicalcoaching @gmail.com 

Touching Base - back to blogging soon!

Hi All -

I know, I know - it's been ages. I know how you are - many of you. So you guys know what we've been up to. For the rest of you...

We're definitely here. Educating, motivating, integrated coaching, learning skills, school prep, coaching cultural and economic shifts for families, learning, workshopping, seminaring, individual and group coaching and on and on. It's been hectic but fun. Of course in true "shoemaker's children" fashion our own site is taking a back seat in order to focus on you and your coaching/education/skills needs.

Until we're back here - we're still here. I mean here - call 646.355.8759, email 411 at dlcecc.com or tweet out on twitter @coachkiki and there we'll be, and then we'll answer and then we'll chat and then and then and then and then....

Looking forward to hearing from you -
Kiki
****************
RKW

NY Times Career Couch When Stress Flirts With Burnout

The blog/s will be moving to betterthinkagain.com soon but didn't want to let this one go by. Excellent article by Eilene Zimmerman in tomorrow's NY Times Career Couch column - and look for my comments as Rebecca Weingarten.

Career Couch
When Stress Flirts With Burnout

By EILENE ZIMMERMAN
Published: January 16, 2010

Q. You are a professional who is accustomed to stress, but all the uncertainty and anxiety in the workplace these days is putting you under more pressure than usual. You feel burned out — are you?

See you all soon on "Better Think Again" (play on words intended)
Rebecca (Kiki)

So where's the (new) blog???

Hey all,

It's been great hearing from you on Twitter/Facebook/email/phone and, of course, in person. We're revamping the blogs so you'll be able to access them all from one spot.
So, if you're dealing with some coaching4kids issues while at the same time making a career or other kind of transition - well, you won't have to travel very far. I mean, nowadays, an extra click can feel 'so close yet so far'.

We'll also be adding one more - that's the one where I say what I really think about lots and lots of education and learning issues. So many of you have been asking to hear it like it is - I have no choice but to tell it like it is.

We're hoping for an early 2010 launch. Until then, keep the Tweets/FB messages, emails, phone calls and personal meetings coming. We appreciate you and feel so lucky to have all of you in our lives.

Happy Holidays and remember to -
Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca Kiki
You can always reach us at 646.355.8759, 411 at dlcecc dot com or @coachkiki on Twitter and Skype.

Back To School! Some Coaching Tips from Rebecca Kiki Weingarten for K-12 and Adults

Hi All,

How exciting! The first day/s of school, the adjustments, the anxiety and all the rest. We've been busy with our Education Workshops and Seminars and haven't had much time to post so...for those of you who were asking for some CoachKiki (@coachkiki on Twitter) info I'm going to list a couple of articles by some great people in great publications that might give you the start you need. These are some of my favorites - I'll be posting more original info as the school year continues.
Enjoy and good luck!

Parenting Magazine
The New Mom at School
Your guide to mommy cliques, scary teachers, and more
By Teri Cettina
(I'll add "new Dad/Parent" for single Dads or new-to-the-family parents!)

Education.com
Emo and Goth: What It's All About
by Amanda Morin

Better Homes And Gardens
9 Ways to Help Kids Practice by Jeff Bredenberg
9 Ways to Help Kids Practice:
Point Out the Payoff
and
9 Ways to Help Kids Practice:
Rewards, Goals and Practice

WSJ DN MarketWatch
Adults In Session by Amy Hoak
Tips For Grownups Heading Back to School

NY Daily News
Spoiled Children Concern Parents by Sheryl Berk

Emergency Planning for Adults and Children
The Co-Operater Co-op and Condo Monthly
How To Care For At-Risk Residents

For more information on our coaching, seminars, workshops and speaking engagements please email 411 at dlcecc dot com or call 646.355.8759

Have a great day and a successful school year!
RK
DLCECC

3rd National Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness Day Coming Up Soon

3rd National Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness Day Coming Up Soon!
Hi All,

September arrives and with it 9/11 and all our memories of that day, the people we lost, our beloved Twin Towers, the NYC skyline, the way our world, and our perceptions of the world, changed.

We mourn and remember on 9/11 but what about the day after? What about the people who survived? What about the first-responders and everyone who experienced the day that changed everything? What about the people who suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the trauma they experienced?

On 9/12 we commemorate those people, we raise awareness of PTSD and we encourage all around the nation to do the same.

The commemorations began in NY and in the years since has expanded to places all around the country. Seminars, information dissemination, support groups and workshops as well as education about PTSD is only part of what we do to raise awareness of PTSD.

This year, after meetings and many discussions we've decided to include PTSD awareness in many of the situational events and circumstances that can cause PTSD. We will continue to commemorate PTSD Awareness Day on 9/12 (September 12th) as well as continue the educational and awareness opportunities and events throughout the week of 9//12 - 9/19.

For more information please email us at 411@dlcecc.com.
Wishing everyone a healthy September,
DLCECC
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Cofounder DLCECC http://www.dlcecc.com
Cofounder National PTSD Awareness Day/Week

Happy Summer and Getting Ready for Fall!

Hi All,

Yes, Yes, we know - it's been ages (except for all of you who we've been on Twitter!)since we've been here. As you know, the economic climate and all the changes it's brought with it have brought new challenges, new situations and new solutions.

Change can be tough/scary/exciting and great all at the same time. We're getting our September programs in gear and we'll be here waiting for you when you get back from all the fun and sun that July and August bring.

Some of our seminars/workshops and individual coaching topics to look forward to -

Learning Skills
Reading and Writing Are Fuuuuuuuuun!!!
Finding Focus for Kids (of all ages)
Stress Management for Kids and Families
Teaching Children About Financial Issues
Communicating With Children So They Communicate With You
Test-Stress Management
Teaching Your Children to Deal With Conflicts
Learning to Fail Successfully
Enhancing and Building Creativity in Children
Helping Your Child Succeed


and more......

Feel free to call at 646.371.5048 or email at 411 at dlcecc dot com or say "hi" on Twitter @coachkiki for more information about any of the above or for more information about individual coaching for your and/or your child or educational institution.

Have a safe and wonderful summer and we'll see you soon,
Kiki

The Economic Climate and Children/Young Adults

Hi All,

Regrets about not posting here for ages but things have been hectic!
Ok - I've seen or spoken to many of you about the current economic climate and the ways in which it is having an impact on you and those around you.

We are adding to our topics in our seminars and workshops as well as personal coaching so let us know if you have a topic you'd like addressed or an issue you'd be interested to work on.

Please call at 646.468.0608 or 411 at dlcecc dot com.

Remember first and foremost to take care of yourselves. Health comes first and then we'll work on everything else.
Rebecca "Kiki"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions

New Year's Resolutions You (and your children) Can Keep - Easy As ABC

Hi - I get requests every January to repost this article I wrote about keeping New Year's Resolutions. Here it is! Enjoy!

New Year's Resolutions - Easy as ABC

New Year's Resolutions. They seem so easy to decide on and so difficult to carry out and achieve. Can they be as easy as ABC? Or 123? I think they can. Having begun my career teaching ABCs and 123s I know that the most effective way to learn something new is often the simplest way. With that in mind I created a system for my clients to help them set and achieve New Year's Resolutions that's as easy as - ABC and 123. I call it the 5Ws.

Think back to when you were learning how to read and add for the first time. You take for granted now the ease with which you read and comprehend but back then? Every new letter was difficult if not complicated. New sounds made by new vowels got the whole thing mixed up in your head. Oy. Or would that be oi? And what's all this about a 1 and a 5 being 15, isn't it 6?

Life seems to get more complicated as we get older and wiser. Once you get used to doing things a certain way it can feel unbearable to change. Making the changes in the simplest way possible is often the best ways to shift, change and move forward.

How about going back to the basics, and the strategies that worked when you were learning the basics? Step by step. Patience. Persistence. Pride in a job well done. Retracing your steps to find out what went wrong when you slip up. Breaking down complicated jobs into easy manageable tasks. Doing your homework. Rehearsing for the performance and often taking one step backward for every two steps forward.

The 5W System - As easy as ABC and 1,2,3

Supplies:
Journal supplies - a notebook and pen/pencil or computer.
New Year's Resolutions supplies - Your wishes, goals, hopes and dreams.
Strategy supplies - Your strengths and limitations.

As you answer the 5W questions below, jot them down in a journal you’ll be starting especially for this. Keeping a journal can often help in answering the 5Ws and helping you keep your resolutions.

The journal will give you a starting point aside from January 1st to refer to. A week or a month from now you can see how much progress you've made and decide if you’re happy with your progress, or lack thereof. You can continue from there. You can modify your tactics and start differently. Or you can start again using different techniques that fit your lifestyle better.

The 5Ws? Simple. Who, What, Where, When and Why.

* Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
* Why do you want to make the change? Emphasis on YOU*.
* What changes in behavior and shifts in attitude will you need in order to make the changes and achieve your goal?
* Where can you get support to help you make the change? People, books, websites, journals etc.
* When is the best time of day/week/year for you to make the change? To evaluate the change? To take action toward achieving the change?


*A couple of tips to help you answer the “Why” for YOU.

OK, you've decided you want to make a change. Think about the change you've decided you want to make. You. Yes. Not anyone else who wants a change from you. You. OK. Are we there yet? One more minute. Think about it. It's OK - you can say, "I want to _______". If you need to whisper it that's OK, I can listen very carefully. If you need to write it down and burn it before anyone sees it, that's also OK. If you want to send yourself an email describing it, try that. Whatever works.

Now that you've decided what it is that you'd like to do/be/achieve, what mountain you'd like to climb, what number you'd like to see on the scale or in your bank account, which salutation you'd like to see before or after your name, what new places you'd like to explore or books you'd like to read....there's another step to take before we start planning the How.
Why do you want _________________________?

Find a place and time where you can sit quietly and think and have a real conversation with yourself or with your coach. Explore the reasons. Sure there are the first few surface/off the cuff that come to mind easily. Dig deeper. Keep asking yourself why until you've gotten to the real reason you want to achieve "whatever".

If we were working together I'd keep asking you why, why, why until we got to the real results you were after. So? What's the real reason? What do you really hope will be the result of your resolution?

Once you've figured out the "Why" it's easier to schedule and sort out the rest. You'll know the end result you're trying to achieve. By answering the Who, What, Where and When you'll be able to schedule the small tasks needed to make the change into your schedule.

Why? Why not? Why shouldn't you have the best year you've ever had before? Can you think of one good reason? I didn't think so. So go for it! Out with the old and in with the new.

Happy New Year!
Kiki
*********************
http://www.dlcecc.com
http://twitter.com/coachkiki
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions

Halloween Safety

Hi All,

Be safe. Be careful. Take all precautions. Set Limits. Enforce Rules. Have a contact plan. Have contact times.

Most importantly.

Have fun!

Enjoy the weekend,
Kiki
*******************
Daily Life Consulting

Keeping Anxiety Levels Down

Hi All,

It's been quite a while since I've posted here. Thanks for the emails asking (and sometimes badgering - it's ok you know I love ya) for a quick-kik-fix. We've been swamped doing new workshops and seminars dealing with the impact of the economy on children and families as well as our regular client, workshop, training and seminar schedule.

One issue keeps coming up over and over with most of you can be summed up in an email request from a new client "Mollie".

"....my biggest problem right now is dealing with my own anxiety, supporting my husband emotionally while he looks for a new job without letting on that I'm freaking out, and not losing it with the kids or letting them think that the sky has fallen..."

Ok - now this issue isn't one that we can solve in one email or post. Mollie and I have been working together to

* manage her anxiety levels
* find ways to take a "time-out" when she's feeling overwhelmed
* find ways to have some private time with a support network where she can talk about her issues and ways to deal with them.
* learn ways to communicate what's going on to her children in a way that they'll understand and still feel safe and comfortable.

Lots of work to do. But it needs to be done if you want to come out of all of it successfully and intact.

Good luck - take some time out for yourselves, take care of yourselves physically as well since stress can have physical impacts as well.

Wish I had the time to write more and in more detail right now but it's impossible today.

Please keep emailing. If you're new to the blog and Daily Life Consulting and want more information please call 646.458.0608 or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the day - the best way you can,
Kiki
*****************
Daily Life Consulting
646.468.0608

Fall News + Save Lori's House http://www.savelorishouse.com

Hi All,

How tired is everyone? (Yeah - me too!) September is always very hectic and here at Daily Life Consulting it's been quite busy.

* Workshops, groups and seminars are moving right along. If you'd like to set one up for your mothers/fathers/parents group please email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com or call us at 646.468.0608.

* Coaching Phone Calls We're really glad that this new tool has proven helpful to many of you as an added resource. For more info - or to set one up please email or call. They're a great quick-pick-me-up/ack! I need a bit of help NOW!

* Thanks A & N for sending the links to the back-to-school articles in Parents and Parenting magazines and the NY Daily News. The articles are helpful and interesting and I was happy to be able to add my thoughts and ideas.

The New Mom at School by Terri Cetina in Parenting Magazine

Calming Back To School Jitters - You and Your Child's by Rosemary Black in the New York Daily News

PLEASE CHECK OUT Save Lori's House and pitch in any way that you can. Lori is a journalist and 44 year old single mother who was stricken with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), she's paralyzed from the neck down and needs our help to save her house! Thousands of people from all over the country and overseas have pitched in already. Singer Ben Lee has lent his song "We're All In This Together" and his support to this worthy cause. See if there's anything you can do to help. Visit Save Lori's House and join in.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca "Kiki"
***********************
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed,MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Getting Ready For School - Yay!Eek! Argh..Sigh

It's only days away. You can almost count it on the fingers of both hands. As a teacher, these were always the most gut-wrenching of days. Where has the summer gone? More. More. More. I know many of my students felt the same way. But then on that first day of school I'd see the love and adoration of the parents of my students..."WE MISSED YOU!!!!!!" Of course they did. I know it was true love and adoration but it was also - "glory be (insert your own expression)- school has started."

Ok. Lovefest and trip down memory lane over. I've been working with many of you over the summer and especially the last couple of weeks to make the coming school year the best one ever for your children. Maximizing their potential, enabling them to become lifelong learners, learning study skills, social skills and learning how to embrace challenges, triumphs and also to deal with the inevitable disapointments.

Quick Coaching Tip for the next week:
The best way to get ready for school is to begin to get children into a routine.
* Start getting them up at the same time each morning.
* Keep a calendar in the main traffic area of the house with a schedule for the week. It makes it easier to keep to a schedule when school starts.
* Involve your children in the process of getting ready for school. What are they most looking forward to? What are they looking forward to the least?
* Make a school chart or book. Have the children write down their expectations for the year to come. What would they like to happen? What do they hope to avoid? How can they participate in achieving those wishes?


We're setting up 15 minute coaching phone calls to help you deal with last-minute issues or need-help-right-now situations. They will begin next week. Check out Coaching Phone Calls. For more information please call 646.468.0608 or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca "Kiki"
Daily Life Consulting

The World as A Fun Learning Lab - A Day At The Beach

Ok - this one is especially for those of you who've been emailing and asking for specifics and a recap of some of what we covered in our last workshop. You know who you are! (What happened to the materials I gave you? Ok - I'll stop with the teacher tone - old habits die hard - and get right to it! But I will make it short and sweet here. If you'd like more personalized ideas call or email or bring it up at your next session or workshop - whew - it's not you really, it's just that for a quiet July it's been kind of nutty and a couple of unexpected projects came up. All good but time-consuming and very thinking-heavy, now why am I writing all this here? I think the heat is getting to me. Now then....where was I? Really, I'm so different in September...as I know you are too - remember - just a little while longer until school starts)

TRIP PLANNER - that's all you need to remember. Here's how it goes.

*Topic - Discuss with the children where you'll be going. In this case that would be the beach.
*Research - Get them to find out as much as they can about the beach. Books, DVDs, magazines, coloring, cutting and pasting. Have them make a collage of different things they might see. Collect books, songs, movies about animals that live in the ocean, on the beach, near the beach, weather patterns that cause changes in and on the ocean, houseboats, sailboats, ships, far-off lands, imaginary ocean communities and cultures and on and on.
*Investigate - Have them investigate one or more topics that are of specific interest to them. Do they love seafood? Do they love boats? Do they love swimming? Do they love dolphins, sharks or hate jellyfish? One topic or more that they look into in further depth.
*Plan What will you and they need to make a day at the beach go smoothly? Involve them in the planning. Set a plan for the day, figure it out on the clock. Have them draw pictures of clocks and the times that everything will take place. For example - (their favorite!) Snack - 11:00 am and they draw a clock with the hands at 11:00)

*Participate as much as you can. You can always put an older child in charge of the younger ones for some of these activities. Don't knock yourself out before the trip to the beach. These are just some guidelines for ways that you might approach it so that they're as involved as possible and proactive about the trip.

*Learn Simple question(s) to ask them. What do you think you'll see or find out that you didn't know before? What do you want to find out more about?

*Action Items Again, a plan for the day. Break it down as much as you can. A little advance work makes the trip go much more smoothly. Figure in travel time, sun time, SPF needed, food time, swim time, boat time, grouchy time, down time and whatever else you might be doing.

*Navigate Chart the actual travel on a map and assign trip landmarks for the children to watch out for. It makes the ride smoother and does wonders to answer the inevitable "are we there yet???????".

*Needs Make a list, check it twice, ok three times, and have the children participate in making it. What will you need before, during and after.

*Educate (Shhhhhh - don't tell them that they'll be learning!) Figure out one or two things that you'd like them to know about the ocean. They can be simple - you can ask older children what they'd like to know about it.
Document it before - on colored paper, poster paper or in a notebook or online journal.

For older children who are able to, they can write their own blog about it, create a simple website where they'll be able to upload pictures and link to other sites of interest.

*Recap Ok - after you've rested from the trip and sometimes while you're recovering you can ask the children to recap in any way that they're able to. For the younger ones this could be a picture, picture book, cutting and pasting, collage etc. For the older ones a journal entry, blog entry, web upload etc. Plan this in advance and let them know they'll be doing this when they get home. It encourages them to pay closer attention before, during and after.

Ok - got to run now but as always,
Enjoy the day your way (and let me know how it goes!),
Rebecca "Kiki"
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Daily Life Consulting

For more information on individual or group coaching, seminars, workshops, program training and development, or programs for your group or organization please call 646.468.0608 or email me at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Eva Harris at eva at shoutoutpr dot com

I Forgot How To Read!!!!!!! - Part 2

Yesterday's post generated a lot of ether-chatter "Mommy, Daddy I Forgot How To Read!!!!" Many of you wanted specific tips for how to make reading a part of daily life activities and the supermarket example was mentioned more than most, so I'll give you a couple of quick tips today that you can start with right now.

Quick Start Coaching Tips;

- You'll need.... mostly patience. The rest is kid's stuff. Also remember to modify any of these steps for your child's age, reading and patience level.

Before

1. Save food labels from cans and boxes, or have your child cut out pictures of
foods and food names from magazines.

2. Put the pictures and words in a see through shoe box or file-folder.

3. Prepare your child for a trip to the supermarket.
"We're going food shopping. I need your help organizing and reminding me what
to get." Whatever works for you and your child.

4. Take a piece of construction or white paper and have your child make their own
"shopping list" by pasting the pictures or labels of the foods you'll be
buying on to the sheet of paper.

5. Explain to them what will happen and the help you need. "I need you to help
me find the snacks, vegetables etc."

6. Ask them what they're looking for, what letters are in the words, how they
think they can match them up quickly (look for the first letter, first two
letters etc.)

7. Shop.

8. When you get home ask them to make a "shopping entry" in their journals
if they keep one, or to color a picture of what they did and bought.

Here's what happens;
* They are engaged in the process and not getting as bored and antsy.
* They're focusing on the task at hand and the products you/they need to buy
and not the millions of other yummy, enticing, fun, unnecessary food you
won't be buying that day.
* They're practicing word recognition.
* They're learning planning and organizing skills.
* They're doing an "update" while you unpack the groceries.
* They feel empowered that they are able to assist and do a "job".

Follow-Up

Feel free to reward the child in whatever way you're comfortable with for a job well done.

Ask for input as to how they think it went and if they have any ideas for how to make the process work better.

You'd be amazed at the ideas they can come up with. They see the experience in a simpler, less stressful way and have great ideas from where to park the car, to how to navigate the aisles, to which product to choose to how to arrange the bags in the car.

Have fun and enjoy!
Rebecca (Kiki)
********************
Daily Life Consulting
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For more information on individual or group coaching, seminars, workshops or materials for your group, school or institution please call at 646.468.0608 or email at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Mommy!!! Daddy!!!!! I Forgot How To Read!

Imagine going on vacation and coming home to find that you can't read. You heard right. You're away for a couple of days or weeks and you return to find that the street signs are incomprehensible, the writing on the food packages at the supermarket are incoherent, the covers of your favorit DVDs look like squiggles. Something like this? oeirlk jakfjor ieiflj uyejkdjdlk mnbvcgfhu!

Scary? Frustrating? Annoying? Infuriating? Upsetting? Sounds about right.

The above might sound extreme but that's exactly what it can feel like to young children and beginning readers. I've seen it happen after winter breaks and summer vacations. The children aren't yet comfortable with their reading, they go away and don't do any reading for a while and there you go. Gone with the wind at the beach! Reading skills lost along with the pasty white skin of winter.

Now imagine what it's like to have to learn it all over again. It's hard. It can be boring. It's frustrating. It's "agaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnn???????? but I just did that last year in school, why do I have to do it agaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn?????"

The other negative aspect of this situation is that reading becomes READING. Reading becomes AN ASSIGNMENT. Reading becomes something to PRACTICE,LEARN and (horrors!!!) STUDY, instead of something organic, fun, entertaining, exciting, a doorway to the unknown, an adventure, a journey and all the other fun things that reading can be.

Quick Start Coaching Tips to keep children reading all summer;

* Keep lots of books about topics they love around the house.
* Read to them. It can be for a few minutes a day or as long as you both like.
* Read with them. Model reading at the same time that they are, and let them
"catch" you reading.
* Get them books that relate to their lives or other media that they're consuming.
* Find reading activities online.
* Have them keep a summer journal. Pictures, words, stories, whatever.
* Incorporate reading skills into daily life activities (more details on this
in another post) such as matching food labels at the supermarket, matching names
of thruways/highways/towns on car trips, making shopping lists, clothing lists,
laundry supplies, swimming supplies, barbecue supplies etc. etc.
* Use baking, cooking or art activities as activities. Follow a recipe, gather art
supplies etc.

Any time children are using the written word in some form and can comprehend how they're using it they're practicing reading. Give them the gift of being independent in their pursuit of information, entertainment, new worlds and knowledge. Give them the gift of loving to read.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
*************************************
Daily Life Consulting
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For more information on individual or group coaching, seminars, workshops or materials for your group, school or institution please call at 646.468.0608 or email at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Helping Children Fail Successfully - Part 3 of a 3-Part Series

In Part 1 and Part 2 of Helping Children Fail Successfully I talked a bit about changing the term "fear of failure" to "fear of learning nothing from failure" and outlined a first step for approaching this attitude change. Asking yourselves questions about your thoughts and reactions to failure. I was amazed at the email and session comments and questions. Hmmmm, can you imagine? Just about every single email mentioned a failure that hit you very hard. Of course they did. You wanted something, you worked toward getting it, you imagined your life after it and it didn't happen.

I loved hearing about how you reacted and why. The ways in which it moved you forward or sometimes kept you stuck. But enough about you for right now. Let's talk about you and how your reactions to failure affect how you interact with the children in your lives when it comes to succeeding. Most of you asked for specifics. How-to deal with competition, success and failure.

Quick Start Coaching Tips for changing "fear of failure" to "fear of learning nothing from failure".

1. Begin the dialogue before the event. Discuss the different outcomes as you are working with your child toward the goal. Use the following questions as an outline for the types of conversations you might have.

Note: Use an intro to talking about it that is most comfortable for you. You can use the internet to surf ways to practice or get information on the topic together, the drive to and from practice, the dinner table, going out to a movie,lunch or shopping together for some special-together-time. Whatever works for you.

* Would you like to win/get _____?
* Why do you want to win/get _____?
* What might happen as a result of winning/achieving?
* Do you know anyone who has ever won/finished/gotten ______________?
* Do you know anyone who wanted to ____________ but didn't?
* How can you prepare to achieve it?

2. Identify role models (yourself included!)

* Choose role models that mirror the activity or goal involved. Actors if it's a role in the school play, athletes if it's a sport, musicians if it's music, astronauts if it's space-travel related, scientists etc.

* Discuss their achievements and what makes them positive role models.
* Ask the tough questions - do you think they reached every goal they set out to?
How do you think they prepare? What happens when they lose/don't achieve?

Note: Try and get some information for yourself so that you can mention it in the conversation. There's tons of biographical information available online. You might also include experiences from your own life to include.


3. After the fall..... Ok. The worst happened. Disappointment, dejection, sadness...name the bad feeling that's washing over your child and give her/him a chance to feel them. THEN - dig in and figure out;

* What happened?
* What do you think might have contributed?
* Note all the circumstances within and OUT OF the child's control.

4. Change the language of the event. Move forward. Use these two simple words and three simple words.

* Next time....
* In the future....

What you're doing by using those phrases is moving forward immediately, planning for the future, getting into a "try again" mentality and showing your child that the situation is not a be-all-and-end-all. It's an experience. There will be other experiences if they keep on moving forward and trying again.


Many parents try and shield their children from disappointment, rejection, failure and anything negative but in the long run that's not the best way to assist children in preparing for the future. It can be a tough world out there. We all want things we might not get, or might get them later than we wanted or in a different way than we anticipated. Children need to develop the mentality and the skills to deal with setbacks, disappointments and failure. That's how they can continue onward and upward to eventually succeed.

Look at anyone you know who has accomplished something, or many things. Now, ask them how many times they've failed.

Enjoy the day your way and let me know how it goes!
Rebecca (Kiki)
*******************
Daily Life Consulting
For information on individual coaching, workshops, seminars or classes and materials for your group or institution please call or email at 646.468.0608 or coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Helping Children Fail Successfully - Part 2 of a 3 part series

In Part 1 of Helping Children Fail Successfully I talked a bit about success, failure and how to teach children to fail successfully. I proposed we change the term Fear of Failure to Fear of Learning Nothing From Failure. Today, we'll start on the sometimes tough work of thinking about how one reacts to failure and next week I'll provide some Quick Start Coaching Tips for teaching children to succeed at everything they attempt. How? To succeed in their endeavors, certainly, but also to get something positive from the times they fail. The way I see it it's a win-win, lose-win situation!

Quick Start Coaching Tip: This weekend it's all about you.

Who likes thinking about their failures? Well, it won't be forever (a great lesson to be learned from a failure!) and it's an important step in understanding how your methods of dealing in both positive and negative ways might impact the way you approach it with your children.

1. Can you remember a situation where you really wanted to succeed at something but didn't? (think back to last week or as far back as grade school)
Was it a job? A competition? A marathon? A game? A promotion? A personal goal you set but weren't able to achieve? A part in the school play? A date for prom? A grade you wanted on an exam? A course you wanted to take? That cute guy/girl you were just dying to go out with? The account you wanted to land?(I just came up with about a dozen myself!)

2. Write down the words that come to mind that describe how you felt.
Angry, sad, furious, enraged, depressed, dejected, ashamed, annoyed, blase, hysterical, whichever words work for you.

3. What did you do next?
Did you brood? Did you give up on the whole thing altogether? Did you try and figure out what you might have done differently? Did you blame yourself completely for the failure? Did you ask other people for support? Did you shut yourself away alone until you got over it? Did you abandon all hope for ever achieving the goal? Did you recharge and attempt it again? Did you try to achieve it a different way?

The list of ways one reacts is vast. Everyone has their own way of dealing with failure what we're trying to do here is identify your particular way of reacting so that you can think about how that impacts the way you react to the failure/s of the children in your life.

4. Would you react differently to it today? How?

Experience is a great teacher (I love her but I really wish she was always kind to me instead of teaching me some lessons the hard way!). Time often provides us with a new perspective on an old situation.

5. What did you learn about yourself and what's right for you by going through the situation?

Take a couple of days to think about it. Next week you'll use that personal knowledge to move forward with teaching the children in your life about failing, failing good, and how to learn from their failures and disappointments so that they can move forward successfully. That might sound like a contradiction but it really isn't.

Email me your war stories, tears, upsets and all. I love hearing from you.
To read Part 1 of the series click HERE

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
Daily Life Consulting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information on coaching, groups, workshops, seminars or classes, lectures and materials for your group or organization please call 646.468.0608 or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com