Halloween Safety

Hi All,

Be safe. Be careful. Take all precautions. Set Limits. Enforce Rules. Have a contact plan. Have contact times.

Most importantly.

Have fun!

Enjoy the weekend,
Kiki
*******************
Daily Life Consulting

Keeping Anxiety Levels Down

Hi All,

It's been quite a while since I've posted here. Thanks for the emails asking (and sometimes badgering - it's ok you know I love ya) for a quick-kik-fix. We've been swamped doing new workshops and seminars dealing with the impact of the economy on children and families as well as our regular client, workshop, training and seminar schedule.

One issue keeps coming up over and over with most of you can be summed up in an email request from a new client "Mollie".

"....my biggest problem right now is dealing with my own anxiety, supporting my husband emotionally while he looks for a new job without letting on that I'm freaking out, and not losing it with the kids or letting them think that the sky has fallen..."

Ok - now this issue isn't one that we can solve in one email or post. Mollie and I have been working together to

* manage her anxiety levels
* find ways to take a "time-out" when she's feeling overwhelmed
* find ways to have some private time with a support network where she can talk about her issues and ways to deal with them.
* learn ways to communicate what's going on to her children in a way that they'll understand and still feel safe and comfortable.

Lots of work to do. But it needs to be done if you want to come out of all of it successfully and intact.

Good luck - take some time out for yourselves, take care of yourselves physically as well since stress can have physical impacts as well.

Wish I had the time to write more and in more detail right now but it's impossible today.

Please keep emailing. If you're new to the blog and Daily Life Consulting and want more information please call 646.458.0608 or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the day - the best way you can,
Kiki
*****************
Daily Life Consulting
646.468.0608

Fall News + Save Lori's House http://www.savelorishouse.com

Hi All,

How tired is everyone? (Yeah - me too!) September is always very hectic and here at Daily Life Consulting it's been quite busy.

* Workshops, groups and seminars are moving right along. If you'd like to set one up for your mothers/fathers/parents group please email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com or call us at 646.468.0608.

* Coaching Phone Calls We're really glad that this new tool has proven helpful to many of you as an added resource. For more info - or to set one up please email or call. They're a great quick-pick-me-up/ack! I need a bit of help NOW!

* Thanks A & N for sending the links to the back-to-school articles in Parents and Parenting magazines and the NY Daily News. The articles are helpful and interesting and I was happy to be able to add my thoughts and ideas.

The New Mom at School by Terri Cetina in Parenting Magazine

Calming Back To School Jitters - You and Your Child's by Rosemary Black in the New York Daily News

PLEASE CHECK OUT Save Lori's House and pitch in any way that you can. Lori is a journalist and 44 year old single mother who was stricken with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), she's paralyzed from the neck down and needs our help to save her house! Thousands of people from all over the country and overseas have pitched in already. Singer Ben Lee has lent his song "We're All In This Together" and his support to this worthy cause. See if there's anything you can do to help. Visit Save Lori's House and join in.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca "Kiki"
***********************
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed,MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Getting Ready For School - Yay!Eek! Argh..Sigh

It's only days away. You can almost count it on the fingers of both hands. As a teacher, these were always the most gut-wrenching of days. Where has the summer gone? More. More. More. I know many of my students felt the same way. But then on that first day of school I'd see the love and adoration of the parents of my students..."WE MISSED YOU!!!!!!" Of course they did. I know it was true love and adoration but it was also - "glory be (insert your own expression)- school has started."

Ok. Lovefest and trip down memory lane over. I've been working with many of you over the summer and especially the last couple of weeks to make the coming school year the best one ever for your children. Maximizing their potential, enabling them to become lifelong learners, learning study skills, social skills and learning how to embrace challenges, triumphs and also to deal with the inevitable disapointments.

Quick Coaching Tip for the next week:
The best way to get ready for school is to begin to get children into a routine.
* Start getting them up at the same time each morning.
* Keep a calendar in the main traffic area of the house with a schedule for the week. It makes it easier to keep to a schedule when school starts.
* Involve your children in the process of getting ready for school. What are they most looking forward to? What are they looking forward to the least?
* Make a school chart or book. Have the children write down their expectations for the year to come. What would they like to happen? What do they hope to avoid? How can they participate in achieving those wishes?


We're setting up 15 minute coaching phone calls to help you deal with last-minute issues or need-help-right-now situations. They will begin next week. Check out Coaching Phone Calls. For more information please call 646.468.0608 or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca "Kiki"
Daily Life Consulting

The World as A Fun Learning Lab - A Day At The Beach

Ok - this one is especially for those of you who've been emailing and asking for specifics and a recap of some of what we covered in our last workshop. You know who you are! (What happened to the materials I gave you? Ok - I'll stop with the teacher tone - old habits die hard - and get right to it! But I will make it short and sweet here. If you'd like more personalized ideas call or email or bring it up at your next session or workshop - whew - it's not you really, it's just that for a quiet July it's been kind of nutty and a couple of unexpected projects came up. All good but time-consuming and very thinking-heavy, now why am I writing all this here? I think the heat is getting to me. Now then....where was I? Really, I'm so different in September...as I know you are too - remember - just a little while longer until school starts)

TRIP PLANNER - that's all you need to remember. Here's how it goes.

*Topic - Discuss with the children where you'll be going. In this case that would be the beach.
*Research - Get them to find out as much as they can about the beach. Books, DVDs, magazines, coloring, cutting and pasting. Have them make a collage of different things they might see. Collect books, songs, movies about animals that live in the ocean, on the beach, near the beach, weather patterns that cause changes in and on the ocean, houseboats, sailboats, ships, far-off lands, imaginary ocean communities and cultures and on and on.
*Investigate - Have them investigate one or more topics that are of specific interest to them. Do they love seafood? Do they love boats? Do they love swimming? Do they love dolphins, sharks or hate jellyfish? One topic or more that they look into in further depth.
*Plan What will you and they need to make a day at the beach go smoothly? Involve them in the planning. Set a plan for the day, figure it out on the clock. Have them draw pictures of clocks and the times that everything will take place. For example - (their favorite!) Snack - 11:00 am and they draw a clock with the hands at 11:00)

*Participate as much as you can. You can always put an older child in charge of the younger ones for some of these activities. Don't knock yourself out before the trip to the beach. These are just some guidelines for ways that you might approach it so that they're as involved as possible and proactive about the trip.

*Learn Simple question(s) to ask them. What do you think you'll see or find out that you didn't know before? What do you want to find out more about?

*Action Items Again, a plan for the day. Break it down as much as you can. A little advance work makes the trip go much more smoothly. Figure in travel time, sun time, SPF needed, food time, swim time, boat time, grouchy time, down time and whatever else you might be doing.

*Navigate Chart the actual travel on a map and assign trip landmarks for the children to watch out for. It makes the ride smoother and does wonders to answer the inevitable "are we there yet???????".

*Needs Make a list, check it twice, ok three times, and have the children participate in making it. What will you need before, during and after.

*Educate (Shhhhhh - don't tell them that they'll be learning!) Figure out one or two things that you'd like them to know about the ocean. They can be simple - you can ask older children what they'd like to know about it.
Document it before - on colored paper, poster paper or in a notebook or online journal.

For older children who are able to, they can write their own blog about it, create a simple website where they'll be able to upload pictures and link to other sites of interest.

*Recap Ok - after you've rested from the trip and sometimes while you're recovering you can ask the children to recap in any way that they're able to. For the younger ones this could be a picture, picture book, cutting and pasting, collage etc. For the older ones a journal entry, blog entry, web upload etc. Plan this in advance and let them know they'll be doing this when they get home. It encourages them to pay closer attention before, during and after.

Ok - got to run now but as always,
Enjoy the day your way (and let me know how it goes!),
Rebecca "Kiki"
***********************
Daily Life Consulting

For more information on individual or group coaching, seminars, workshops, program training and development, or programs for your group or organization please call 646.468.0608 or email me at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Eva Harris at eva at shoutoutpr dot com

I Forgot How To Read!!!!!!! - Part 2

Yesterday's post generated a lot of ether-chatter "Mommy, Daddy I Forgot How To Read!!!!" Many of you wanted specific tips for how to make reading a part of daily life activities and the supermarket example was mentioned more than most, so I'll give you a couple of quick tips today that you can start with right now.

Quick Start Coaching Tips;

- You'll need.... mostly patience. The rest is kid's stuff. Also remember to modify any of these steps for your child's age, reading and patience level.

Before

1. Save food labels from cans and boxes, or have your child cut out pictures of
foods and food names from magazines.

2. Put the pictures and words in a see through shoe box or file-folder.

3. Prepare your child for a trip to the supermarket.
"We're going food shopping. I need your help organizing and reminding me what
to get." Whatever works for you and your child.

4. Take a piece of construction or white paper and have your child make their own
"shopping list" by pasting the pictures or labels of the foods you'll be
buying on to the sheet of paper.

5. Explain to them what will happen and the help you need. "I need you to help
me find the snacks, vegetables etc."

6. Ask them what they're looking for, what letters are in the words, how they
think they can match them up quickly (look for the first letter, first two
letters etc.)

7. Shop.

8. When you get home ask them to make a "shopping entry" in their journals
if they keep one, or to color a picture of what they did and bought.

Here's what happens;
* They are engaged in the process and not getting as bored and antsy.
* They're focusing on the task at hand and the products you/they need to buy
and not the millions of other yummy, enticing, fun, unnecessary food you
won't be buying that day.
* They're practicing word recognition.
* They're learning planning and organizing skills.
* They're doing an "update" while you unpack the groceries.
* They feel empowered that they are able to assist and do a "job".

Follow-Up

Feel free to reward the child in whatever way you're comfortable with for a job well done.

Ask for input as to how they think it went and if they have any ideas for how to make the process work better.

You'd be amazed at the ideas they can come up with. They see the experience in a simpler, less stressful way and have great ideas from where to park the car, to how to navigate the aisles, to which product to choose to how to arrange the bags in the car.

Have fun and enjoy!
Rebecca (Kiki)
********************
Daily Life Consulting
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For more information on individual or group coaching, seminars, workshops or materials for your group, school or institution please call at 646.468.0608 or email at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Mommy!!! Daddy!!!!! I Forgot How To Read!

Imagine going on vacation and coming home to find that you can't read. You heard right. You're away for a couple of days or weeks and you return to find that the street signs are incomprehensible, the writing on the food packages at the supermarket are incoherent, the covers of your favorit DVDs look like squiggles. Something like this? oeirlk jakfjor ieiflj uyejkdjdlk mnbvcgfhu!

Scary? Frustrating? Annoying? Infuriating? Upsetting? Sounds about right.

The above might sound extreme but that's exactly what it can feel like to young children and beginning readers. I've seen it happen after winter breaks and summer vacations. The children aren't yet comfortable with their reading, they go away and don't do any reading for a while and there you go. Gone with the wind at the beach! Reading skills lost along with the pasty white skin of winter.

Now imagine what it's like to have to learn it all over again. It's hard. It can be boring. It's frustrating. It's "agaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnn???????? but I just did that last year in school, why do I have to do it agaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn?????"

The other negative aspect of this situation is that reading becomes READING. Reading becomes AN ASSIGNMENT. Reading becomes something to PRACTICE,LEARN and (horrors!!!) STUDY, instead of something organic, fun, entertaining, exciting, a doorway to the unknown, an adventure, a journey and all the other fun things that reading can be.

Quick Start Coaching Tips to keep children reading all summer;

* Keep lots of books about topics they love around the house.
* Read to them. It can be for a few minutes a day or as long as you both like.
* Read with them. Model reading at the same time that they are, and let them
"catch" you reading.
* Get them books that relate to their lives or other media that they're consuming.
* Find reading activities online.
* Have them keep a summer journal. Pictures, words, stories, whatever.
* Incorporate reading skills into daily life activities (more details on this
in another post) such as matching food labels at the supermarket, matching names
of thruways/highways/towns on car trips, making shopping lists, clothing lists,
laundry supplies, swimming supplies, barbecue supplies etc. etc.
* Use baking, cooking or art activities as activities. Follow a recipe, gather art
supplies etc.

Any time children are using the written word in some form and can comprehend how they're using it they're practicing reading. Give them the gift of being independent in their pursuit of information, entertainment, new worlds and knowledge. Give them the gift of loving to read.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
*************************************
Daily Life Consulting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information on individual or group coaching, seminars, workshops or materials for your group, school or institution please call at 646.468.0608 or email at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Helping Children Fail Successfully - Part 3 of a 3-Part Series

In Part 1 and Part 2 of Helping Children Fail Successfully I talked a bit about changing the term "fear of failure" to "fear of learning nothing from failure" and outlined a first step for approaching this attitude change. Asking yourselves questions about your thoughts and reactions to failure. I was amazed at the email and session comments and questions. Hmmmm, can you imagine? Just about every single email mentioned a failure that hit you very hard. Of course they did. You wanted something, you worked toward getting it, you imagined your life after it and it didn't happen.

I loved hearing about how you reacted and why. The ways in which it moved you forward or sometimes kept you stuck. But enough about you for right now. Let's talk about you and how your reactions to failure affect how you interact with the children in your lives when it comes to succeeding. Most of you asked for specifics. How-to deal with competition, success and failure.

Quick Start Coaching Tips for changing "fear of failure" to "fear of learning nothing from failure".

1. Begin the dialogue before the event. Discuss the different outcomes as you are working with your child toward the goal. Use the following questions as an outline for the types of conversations you might have.

Note: Use an intro to talking about it that is most comfortable for you. You can use the internet to surf ways to practice or get information on the topic together, the drive to and from practice, the dinner table, going out to a movie,lunch or shopping together for some special-together-time. Whatever works for you.

* Would you like to win/get _____?
* Why do you want to win/get _____?
* What might happen as a result of winning/achieving?
* Do you know anyone who has ever won/finished/gotten ______________?
* Do you know anyone who wanted to ____________ but didn't?
* How can you prepare to achieve it?

2. Identify role models (yourself included!)

* Choose role models that mirror the activity or goal involved. Actors if it's a role in the school play, athletes if it's a sport, musicians if it's music, astronauts if it's space-travel related, scientists etc.

* Discuss their achievements and what makes them positive role models.
* Ask the tough questions - do you think they reached every goal they set out to?
How do you think they prepare? What happens when they lose/don't achieve?

Note: Try and get some information for yourself so that you can mention it in the conversation. There's tons of biographical information available online. You might also include experiences from your own life to include.


3. After the fall..... Ok. The worst happened. Disappointment, dejection, sadness...name the bad feeling that's washing over your child and give her/him a chance to feel them. THEN - dig in and figure out;

* What happened?
* What do you think might have contributed?
* Note all the circumstances within and OUT OF the child's control.

4. Change the language of the event. Move forward. Use these two simple words and three simple words.

* Next time....
* In the future....

What you're doing by using those phrases is moving forward immediately, planning for the future, getting into a "try again" mentality and showing your child that the situation is not a be-all-and-end-all. It's an experience. There will be other experiences if they keep on moving forward and trying again.


Many parents try and shield their children from disappointment, rejection, failure and anything negative but in the long run that's not the best way to assist children in preparing for the future. It can be a tough world out there. We all want things we might not get, or might get them later than we wanted or in a different way than we anticipated. Children need to develop the mentality and the skills to deal with setbacks, disappointments and failure. That's how they can continue onward and upward to eventually succeed.

Look at anyone you know who has accomplished something, or many things. Now, ask them how many times they've failed.

Enjoy the day your way and let me know how it goes!
Rebecca (Kiki)
*******************
Daily Life Consulting
For information on individual coaching, workshops, seminars or classes and materials for your group or institution please call or email at 646.468.0608 or coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Helping Children Fail Successfully - Part 2 of a 3 part series

In Part 1 of Helping Children Fail Successfully I talked a bit about success, failure and how to teach children to fail successfully. I proposed we change the term Fear of Failure to Fear of Learning Nothing From Failure. Today, we'll start on the sometimes tough work of thinking about how one reacts to failure and next week I'll provide some Quick Start Coaching Tips for teaching children to succeed at everything they attempt. How? To succeed in their endeavors, certainly, but also to get something positive from the times they fail. The way I see it it's a win-win, lose-win situation!

Quick Start Coaching Tip: This weekend it's all about you.

Who likes thinking about their failures? Well, it won't be forever (a great lesson to be learned from a failure!) and it's an important step in understanding how your methods of dealing in both positive and negative ways might impact the way you approach it with your children.

1. Can you remember a situation where you really wanted to succeed at something but didn't? (think back to last week or as far back as grade school)
Was it a job? A competition? A marathon? A game? A promotion? A personal goal you set but weren't able to achieve? A part in the school play? A date for prom? A grade you wanted on an exam? A course you wanted to take? That cute guy/girl you were just dying to go out with? The account you wanted to land?(I just came up with about a dozen myself!)

2. Write down the words that come to mind that describe how you felt.
Angry, sad, furious, enraged, depressed, dejected, ashamed, annoyed, blase, hysterical, whichever words work for you.

3. What did you do next?
Did you brood? Did you give up on the whole thing altogether? Did you try and figure out what you might have done differently? Did you blame yourself completely for the failure? Did you ask other people for support? Did you shut yourself away alone until you got over it? Did you abandon all hope for ever achieving the goal? Did you recharge and attempt it again? Did you try to achieve it a different way?

The list of ways one reacts is vast. Everyone has their own way of dealing with failure what we're trying to do here is identify your particular way of reacting so that you can think about how that impacts the way you react to the failure/s of the children in your life.

4. Would you react differently to it today? How?

Experience is a great teacher (I love her but I really wish she was always kind to me instead of teaching me some lessons the hard way!). Time often provides us with a new perspective on an old situation.

5. What did you learn about yourself and what's right for you by going through the situation?

Take a couple of days to think about it. Next week you'll use that personal knowledge to move forward with teaching the children in your life about failing, failing good, and how to learn from their failures and disappointments so that they can move forward successfully. That might sound like a contradiction but it really isn't.

Email me your war stories, tears, upsets and all. I love hearing from you.
To read Part 1 of the series click HERE

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
Daily Life Consulting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For more information on coaching, groups, workshops, seminars or classes, lectures and materials for your group or organization please call 646.468.0608 or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Helping Children Fail Successfully - A 3 Part Series

Fear of failure? Let's change that term to Fear of Learning Nothing From Failure.

No one wins all the time. No one. The greatest athletes mess up, fumble, strike out, fall, choke (fill in the term you use) all the time. It happens. Actors flub lines and get stage fright. Business leaders and owners make wrong decisions with serious consequences. Politicians lose elections. Scientist's experiments don't go the way they thought they would. Writers get writer's block or write something that they hate. Chefs burn the main dish.

The question is what happens after a failure? What do you do next?Did anyone get anywhere without some kind of failure along the way? Not a chance. The people who have achieved the most have also failed.

I've worked with so many children and parents throughout the years and this one area seems to trouble both groups the most. Failing at something. Whether it's not getting the lead, or any part, in the school play, not making the team, failing on a test or not doing well, making a public mistake at the recital, failing emotionally, failing socially, failing interpersonally...the list goes on and on. What to do? Parents are agitated and upset, the children are despondent and often anxious about their parent's reaction to the failure/upset.

The pressure to achieve everything, at all costs, publicly and every single time has been seeping into our collective national personality for a while. It's causing unreasonable expectations for parents and children.

I've decided to spend the next few posts talking about ways in which parents and adults who work with children can manage their expectations for themselves and their children, learn how to accept failure and disappointment in themselves and their children, and learn how to use failure as a positive learning opportunity.

When working with clients to achieve the above an amazing thing happens. They and their children try more new things! The fears are manageable, a failure doesn't become a catastrophic event and can be seen in context. Parents and children learn about managing frustration and disappointment. They also learn about expanding their options, being realistic about abilities and new ways to try achieving the same aims.

In short they learn my clients learn that "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again - oh - and try, try differently - oh - and try, try something new - oh - and try, try to measure yourself against only you".

I look forward to writing more about it - it's a topic I work with people on, lecture and teach but maybe I can learn some new things by approaching it in this new way.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
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For information on coaching, workshops, seminars, classes or materials for your group, school or institution please call 646.468.0608 or email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Summer Fun!

Could it get more hectic? I'm thinking....Yes! Many of you are finding the transition to summer a bit more complicated and time consuming than you thought it would be. We work on these issues as part of our Transition workshops and come up with methods, plans and ways to make it all seem seamless and as painless as possible. It takes some time and direction which is impossible to replicate in a blog post but in answer to emails and questions I'll just give you a quick nudge in the right direction.
Quick Start Steps:
1. Take out your calendars and start filling in the dates.
* How much "free" time will the children have?
* How do you want them to fill it?

2. Plan Activities and Alternates.
* Choose one activity for each block of time
(yes, it's a ton!)and choose 5 or so summer appropriate alternates.
This way you're prepared for changes due to weather, car trouble, colds and all
the other things that come up.

3. Make Arrangements.
*Make arrangements for at least 1-2 weeks in advance so that you have breathin
room.
*Make contingency plans (you're going to need them)
*Create travel and cleanup routines. Make charts, use pictures, whatever works.

4. Gather the troops.
* Prepare your support system of adults.
* Sit down with the children and let them know what you've got in mind for them
and what you're planning.

5. Ask for input.
*From your adult support system and the children. Each group may have good ideas and ways to put it all together that you haven't thought of.

And the MOST IMPORTANT element. Sit down for this one (ok you're sitting but you know what I mean). Ready? Ok. I mean really ready?

6. HAVE FUN!!!
It sounds almost impossible what with planning and doing and arranging and organizing and cleaning up but it is possible. These days will never be here in quite this way again. Enjoy the moments, they add up to lots of beautiful memories.

Enjoy the day your way -
Rebecca (Kiki)
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For more information about coaching, workshops, groups, seminars, materials for your classes, groups or organizations please call 646.468.0608 or email coach at daily life consulting.

Great Article - Emo and Goth: What's It All About by Amanda Morin

Of course I'm biased because I think Amanda is a great and smart writer and person. Great article on an interesting and sometimes worrisome issue Emo and Goth: What's It All About

Coaching Tip: Keep an eye out for any drastic changes in your child's behavior. Behavior problems, school problems, eating problems/changes, mood changes. Talk to your child about what's going on in their lives - not that that will always be easy but find a way to do it. Children, tweens and teens often act out issues so keeping an eye out for changes and addressing them early is a great strategy.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rk
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
For more information on seminars, workshops and individual coaching call 646.468.0608

Transitions - Getting Ready For Summer - What's In A Word?

If you really think about it life is really a series of transitions. From one stage to another, from one day to another, from one season to another. Getting ready, being in the midst of it, getting ready for the next one. For people who are comfortable with change transitions aren't a problem. Then there are the rest of us.

Now imagine you're a child and suddenly someone is telling you that your daily life is about to change or whoops! it changed and no one told you. That's what it can feel like for a child if you haven't prepared them for what is about to come.

I heard a great example of this yesterday. It seems there was a young child who was putting on his winter coat to go to school. The dialogue went something like this

His mother - no, that coat isn't good for today.
Child - Why?
Mother - Because it's summer outside.
Child - What's summer?

And so it goes. Children are so literal. I always loved it because I'm so literal myself that it was a pleasure to deal with them on that level. Words have very little meaning for them because in many cases they don't know what the meanings of the word are.

The word "summer" is meaningless unless the child can attach it to something.
Ditto for words like "vacation", "camp", "road trip" and on and on.

In order to prepare children for an easy and seamless transition I suggest a few easy steps that I coach my clients to use. They overlap but with children (of all ages) repetition is often necessary.

* Define
* Explain
* Plan

Taking into account the specific child's age and knowledge/awareness level -

Define - When you say "summer is coming" define what summer is. The weather changes, it gets warmer, we wear different clothes, there's more daylight, school is closed, camp is open, we're going on a trip.


Explain What will summer mean in your household? Will you be on the same time schedule? Will parents be home during the day? Will they be going to a pool or camp? Will it be sleep-away camp or day camp? Will menus change? Will sleep habits change? Later bedtime? Summer homework? Trips?

Plan Involve children (as much as possible) in planning and arrangements for the summer. Ask their preferences for different activities, foods, clothes etc. This teaches them decision making skills, cause and effect and more.

Activity Tips:
- Make summer charts and plans with the children. For young children have them create a poster or "book" of pictures of things they anticipate, or would like to do, during the summer. Older children can create summer and summer planning journals.

Something To Remember Words are just words to children. They might not have the stores of memories and word connections to make a word or thought something real. Summer is just a word to a child who doesn't remember what it entails. Be patient when you talk to them and make no assumptions that they understand words or concepts.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
*******************
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Loooooooooong Weekend Coming Up? 3 Simple Ways to Make it Great!

Hi All and thanks for all the great responses to the 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching. It does feel exciting and empowering to be able to take action and feel some control FAST! If I haven't answered your email personally yet just keep an eye out in your inbox - I'll get to it as soon as I can. In the meantime.....

The last couple of weeks/months many of you have been working on test-taking, summer planning and the usual daily life4kids issues. Certain issues are ongoing during the year and some are situational and seasonal. This weekend, Memorial Day, is the first of many situational, seasonal weekends that will leave you with LOTS of time with your children that you may not be used to having. No need for panic or worry. I'll give you the short version of coaching work I do with parents to prepare. I'll give you the general info and if you have any particular questions just shoot me an email or call and we'll see what we can figure out.

3-Step Plan. That's it. Those three little words that will make it flow.

1. Plan
2. Organize
3. (Be) Flexible
(And one more thing just for you.....see below)

1. Plan for the weekend in advance.
(Ok - no groaning, no saying there's no time....I know all of that.)
Take 1/2 hour. Yes. A whole 1/2 hour. Talk into the recording device on your phone. Send yourself a text. Leave yourself a voicemail. Scribble it on the steam as you get out of the shower if you have to. Believe me if you do it now you save yourself the anxiety, nerve frazzling and all the rest that comes with "What should I do?????? I'm boooooooooooored???" Not to mention the sounds of crashing furniture and china. Or the always favorite sound of fighting in the back yard.

PLAN means planning a couple of different things you might want to do with the kids. A couple of independent activities you might want them to do, or something that you can join forces with another adult on, or other children you might want to join forces with (a trip to the beach or museum).

PLAN more than you think you'll get to do. Better to run out of vacation time then to run out of things to do.

PLAN according to what works for you, your family, your children and your lifestyle.

2. ORGANIZE
(Ok, ok I hear the groans, yelps and heavy sighs. I know you don't have the time. I know you do too much as it is. See my comments re:"Plan" and insert them here.)

ORGANIZE means gathering the materials that you'll need. That could be tickets to whatever, beach clothes, maps to your destinations, food shopping for special baking or cooking activities, art supplies, big garbage bags for y'know....anything and everything, play clothes, phone numbers of the other people involved, emergency numbers, helping hand numbers, videos, games....you get the picture.

Again - I know it sounds like a lot and it feels like a ton of extra work the first time around but it will save you time in the long run and you'll be an old pro by July 4th weekend!

3. (Be) Flexible (Ok - now it's starting to feel like I can hear you all the way here! Flexible???? After all of this? Who's got the energy?)

FLEXIBLE means things do not (always) go according to plan, especially when there are kids (of any age) involved.
If you've planned, you have alternate and extra plans available. Use them.
If you've organized you should have what you need or the contact numbers of people who can help you get them.
Anything else? Go with it. You've got the skills, know-how and ability to do it.

The one more thing? Plan something special for yourself for Tuesday morning. Whether that's a cup of coffee with the paper in the SILENCE, or a run, or anything that makes you feel good. Do it. Plan for it.

You deserve it.

If you have any questions or need some direction call or email at 646.468.0608 or coach at daily life consulting dot com

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching

Many of you have been asking about our new 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching What is it? How does it work? What's involved? What kinds of issues could I use it for? So here is some general information and if you'd like more details or information please feel free to call at 646.468.0608 or email coach@dailylifeconsulting.com using "2-Session Turnaround" in the subject line.

Question:What is 2-Session Turnaround(TM)Coaching

Answer: 2-Session Turnaround(TM)Coaching is a very short term coaching solution to help you find some answers, direction, strategies and figure out what to do next.

Question: What kinds of issues could I work on in 2-Session Turnaround(TM)Coaching?

Answer: You name it!
School Skills
Learning Skills
Daily Life Skills for Children (of all ages)
Stress Management
Time Management
Behavior Management
Getting Ready for School
Getting Ready for Vacation
Test-Taking Skills and Anxiety
"Small Talk" which is our proprietary program for learning how to communicate with children so they listen, hear and communicate with you as well.
"The World as a Classroom" which is our proprietary program for making daily life experiences educational opportunities. (The supermarket, a trip to the beach, a road trip etc.) Our clients have found these especially helpful and useful when planning for summer and vacation trips and stay-at-home days.
Reading & Writing all year 'round!
Authorship and Authority which is our proprietary program for developing chidren's "voices", writing skills, reading skills and sense of "I" using journal and other forms of writing.

Question: How Does It Work?

Answer: 2-Session Turnaround(TM)Coaching takes place over the course of a month and works like this. It's very simple and straightforward.

*1 Coaching Session to begin the process.
*Follow-Up materials which match the area you're Turning Around.
*Email Communication available during weekday business hours for the two weeks until the next coaching session. These can be for questions, clarifications, yelps, "I did it!", "it worked!" or whatever you wish to communicate.
*2nd Coaching Session.
*More Follow-up Materials and Action Plan.
*Email Communication available during weekday business hours for the two weeks until the next coaching session. These can be for questions, clarifications, yelps, "I did it!", "it worked!" or whatever you wish to communicate..
*15 Minute Coaching follow-up session.

Very simple. 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching gives you a chance to do just that. Find direction, discuss options with an objective, trained coach, discover new strategies and move ahead confidently.

Please feel free to call or email with any questions or comments. (p)646.458.0608 or (e) coach at daily life consulting dot com (2-Session Turnaround(TM) in the subject line).

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Aspiring to Ordinary - Check out a great blog!

The world seems to have speeded up on its' axis lately. I guess that begs the question of how good a job our psychic gravity is doing at keeping us "grounded". I had a terrific conversation this morning with Amanda Morin who shares her thoughts in her blog Aspiring to Ordinary.

What do we do now?

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
Call 646.468.0608 for information about our individual or group coaching, workshops and seminars.

Mom's Going on a Business Trip

Work- Home Life issues and the issue of business travel comes up often for mothers (or single dads) during coaching. It's the reality of many people's working lives so the issue becomes how to deal with it and your feelings about it.

Some quick tips:

1. Preparation is key.

1. Think through and plan for every moment of a regular day and provide the necessary back-up for it.

It feels like a lot of work in advance but will alleviate a lot of the stress and worry and "I wonder if they remembered to...."
Leave memos and reminders on paper, via electronic devices, skywriting - whatever works for your family and support system.

2. Have your contingency and emergency plans ready.
Plan for the best but prepare for worst case scenarios as well.

3. Work on your guilt feelings and issues before you go.
Allow yourself a few moments or hours of R&R if you can. Punishing yourself won't make the folks at home any happier in the long run.

4. Take good care of yourself!
Yes, you heard that right! Coddle yourself. Indulge once in a while. A happy parent makes for a happy family.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
For more information about our individual and group coaching call 646.468.0608

Workshops and Seminars

Workshops and Seminars are in full swing but we're constantly adding new groups and specific topic areas.

This May we're introducing "Small Talk", a workshop series designed to help you communicate better with young children.

"The World as A Classroom" and "Summer Fun" which will provide tips, tools and activities for incorporating fun ways of learning into children's daily lives(shhhh, don't say it's learning.

"Getting Ready For the First Day of School" Pre-K, Kindergarten and First Grade and Second/Third Grade groups available.


Ongoing workshops include;
Learning Skills
School Skills
Social Skills
Encouraging and Enhancing Creativity in Children
Reading and Writing are Fun!
Math and Science are Fun!
Etherthink - Technology and your Child

For more information or to arrange for a group or seminar for your group, school or individual coaching please call 646.468.0608.

Enjoy the day,
Rebecca (Kiki)
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Learning To Write Is Learning To Think

So much emphasis on test scores. So lots of policy and education programs are developed and implemented in order to help children do well/better on their tests.

Excellent - we're educating a generation of test-takers. But what if we ask them questions that aren't in the test style they're used to? What if we ask them to make a leap between un(test)related subjects? What if we want them to be creative or to use new critical thinking skills?

I won't go into my personal opinions about a lot of these issues but will direct you to two articles from the New York Times that address the in different ways. One article titled U.S. Students Achieve Mixed Results on Writing Test reports that "About a third of the nation’s eighth-grade students, and roughly a quarter of its high school seniors, are proficient writers, according to nationwide test results released Thursday."

A third and a quarter are proficient in writing? That doesn't sound like mixed results to me. That sounds like poor results.

Another article In a New Generation of College Students, Many Opt for the Life Examined talks about the fact that many students are studying philosophy. It quotes David E. Schrader, executive director of the American Philosophical Association, a professional organization with 11,000 members, as saying "that in an era in which people change careers frequently, philosophy makes sense. 'It’s a major that helps them become quick learners and gives them strong skills in writing, analysis and critical thinking,'".

I had a terrific teacher in Grad school (for an MFA in writing) Tucker Farley, who changed the way we thought about things. She challenged us to think about old topics in new ways. On the door to her office was a quote that I always have in mind when working with children, parents, students of all ages (and of course with writers) because it has proved to be so true. "Learning To Write Is Learning To Think".

Teach a child to take tests and they'll perform better on standardized tests.
Teach a child to think creatively, to strategize and solve problems and they'll have the tools to help them in every subject and in their lives.

3rd-Graders Aimed to Hurt Teacher - AP

I have no answers to any of the questions I've gotten about the story out of Georgia
"3rd-graders Aimed to Hurt Teacher " about a plot cooked up by a group of 3rd graders to hurt their teacher in retaliation for reprimanding one of them. The plot included duct tape, handcuffs and a knife and materials for covering the windows during the attack and cleaning up afterwards.

I am horrified. I'm upset. I'm bewildered. I'm a lot of things. I have a lot of questions but no answers right now.

The story did remind me though of a wonderful surprise birthday party that one of my second grade classes planned for me. It involved music, a cake, snacks and soda, cards and gifts. I was amazed that the children were able to plan it so well, they got their parents involved for some of the bigger items. Michael G. was the planner and leader and he did a great job. I still smile when I think of it. That's the kind of planning young children should be doing. Planning for parties, playing, thinking about summer vacation or gym or music class.

What's going on? Why the violence in our schools? Why the violence among young children? I recall the studies after 9/11 that suggested that violent acts will rise in number and that the violence will be exhibited by younger and younger children. Is that what we're seeing now? Where is this coming from?

It's time to take a really close look at what's going in our schools (BEYOND test scores) on and a closer look at what every adult can do to help stop the violence.

Health Clubs Look to Kids to Bulk Up Membership - WSJ

Interesting article in today's Wall Street Journal Health Clubs Look to Kids to Bulk Up Membership Programs Lure Children Of Existing Clients As Well as Outsiders.

Work out, keep fit, let your children see that you are. Be active with them and they'll learn by example. If a gym is the best way for you to do that - do it. Whatever works.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Bullying - Re:A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly - NY Times

Many of you have sent emails asking for a blog post addressing A Boy the Bullies Love to Beat Up, Repeatedly and the topic of bullying in particular. I've written roughly 4 different drafts for posts and haven't hit "publish post" for any of them. The topic is way too complicated for a short (or even long-ish) blog post.

Quick Coaching Tip:
I will say one thing to parents, educators and others who work and deal with children but might not be in a position to really "do" anything in certain bullying situations besides attempting to stop the bullying going on at the moment. Think teachers in a classroom, parents whose children have other friends visiting, counselors in group settings, museum and tour leaders and others.

It's one small phrase that I learned from a professor years ago (I wish I remembered who it was so I could give them the credit for it.) It will not solve the problem but it can make a big difference in a short-term crisis situation.

The short phrase is "I can't let you _____________________". You can fill in the blank depending on the situation.
"I can't let you do that in my classroom"
"I can't let you hit anyone in here."
"I can't let you call anyone names."
"I can't let you bother someone."
"I can't let you curse in my house."
"I can't let you punch someone else."

Practice saying it using other situations and expressions to fill in the blank.
Say it with authority.
Mean it.
Use an authoritative tone.
Don't whine it or put a question mark at the end of the sentence.
Don't sound hesitant.
Mean it.
Mean it.
Mean it. You can't let them do that. Period.
Practice the "teacher look" that my clients, friends and family always ask me to teach them. (Suffice it to say that on while taking a trip once with my third-grade students I used the look on the bus - the school bus driver who probably had seen it all looked at me and said "MAN! You even scared me with that look!")
Develop your own voice and look. Shouting doesn't do the trick, children learn early on how to tune out shouting.

Again - this is NOT a cure or solution, it's a quick short-term way to diffuse potentially difficult situations for a very short time.

Longer range solutions require different strategies for different situations which are too numerous to post here.

If you have any other questions or concerns that you'd like some information on please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Good Luck!
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Staying Calm During Test Taking and Decision Making Re: Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy WSJ

I meant to put this post up on the Kick-Start Self Coaching blog
and talk more about test-taking here. But somehow I may have had my head in two places at once (NOT A GOOD test-taking skill!) and somehow I put it here.

After you read the post try these tips to help your children improve their level of calm during tests which is a crucial component to being a good test-taker.

Coaching Tip: Use the coaching tip mentioned below with practice tests.
* Buy one of those old fashioned egg timers and keep practicing with your children the art of staying cool under pressure.
* Get them used to answering the (practice) test questions as quickly, carefully and calmly as they can.
* Mention Hamilton to your children - he needs practice and help too even to do one of the coolest and stressful sports.

(Here's the post)

I love speed racing (to watch, not participate in, although it was a childhood wish of mine to be a race car driver...ah yes...while most little girls were wishing for ballerina slippers I was wishing for race car helmets but that's all for another day...) where was I? Oh yes, that's one of the things that drew me to the article in the WSJ "Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy" about Lewis Hamilton. The article describes his racing with F1 which is Europe's Nascar but with some grueling differences.

What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton's special skill and nerves of steel to "pass by braking - waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn". The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton's team. "Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm." Fantastic!!! I'll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.

"Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm."

That's one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.

Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.

There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.

Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.

I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a "problem" and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn't a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.

Whatever works!

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data - Wall Street Journal

Terrific article in the Wall Street Journal by Lee Gomes Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data On Endless Web Data
So - we're hardwired to graze for information? And HOW much information are children exposed to nowadays? Oh, that's right - an enormous, overwhelming amount.

One of the challenges we work with parent and educators on is how to assist children in regulating the amount of information they expose themselves to and how they integrate it into their minds, psyches, behaviors and world views. It's not easy for parents assisting their children in managing technology and a world that they had no experience with as children. Brave New World as it were.

Coaching Tips:
Don't be afraid to set limits for your child's technology consumption.
Sit down with your children and get input as to how they think this can be done. (They'll tell you it can't. It can.)
Discuss how you intend to set the limits.
Be clear about the limits.
Be clear about the consequences to not adhering to the limits.
Follow through.

You're doing the children a favor. Imagine if they could stay up as late as they say they wanted to? Eat as much as they say they want to? Run around as much as they say they want to? Yeah - I think you've got the picture.

Not having all that tech time leaves room for lots of other things for them to explore and get used to. It encourages development of different skills and ways to keep themselves occupied.

Good luck!
RK

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Introducing EtherThink Inc. - Keep An Electronic Eye Out... - Re:Text Generation Gap: U R 2 Old (JK) - NY Times

Ok - we're still in development on this one but today's NY Times article Text Generation Gap: U R 2 Old (JK) just begs for the connection.

Welcome to EtherThink Inc.! EtherThink Inc. which will be housed at http://www.etherthink.com and at http://etherthinkinc.blogspot.com bridges the high-tech/high-touch divide. Think of EtherThink as your electronic eyes and ears and windows to the mind. Gone are the days of paper, pen (or markers and crayons for the younger set). "The medium is the message" as Marshall Mcluhan said. It's hard to understand the message of all the new mediums. It's hard to understand how people absorb and retain information. Now imagine combining the two. That's EtherThink Inc.

How can I best communicate my thoughts and information using the newest technologies?
Who is my audience? How do they think? How can I reach them using technology?
How can I translate my information to a technological language and medium?
How can I interact using the technology available?
The challenges of communicating using technology get more complicated as more becomes available. People learn new ways of interacting using technology.

Using training, education and experience in the high-tech arena as well as training, education and experience in the hi-touch areas of human development, education, mental health, psychology, educational programming and more EtherThink Inc. will assist you to combine, coordinate, translate and create ways of communicating using the latest technologies to reach your very human audience.

Is there information you'd like to transmit and for others to receive technologically? Information, entertainment, personal communication, educational or medical information, no matter what the information is there's a human at the end of the line. Who that human audience is, how they think, how they absorb and retain information, what are the best ways to reach them, what technologies are they using or will be in the future? EtherThink Inc. has been providing the service for educational, government, entertainment and media corporations for over a decade.

EtherThink Inc. is for you if you are a corporation, institution, educational institution, entertainment conglomerate, medical institution or private practitioner, art institution, parent, teacher, counselor, artist, writer or anyone who deals with those strangest of species...Humans.

Keep an electronic eye out for more information about EtherThink Inc.
For more information about EtherThink please contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans at gtkgroup dot com

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA0
Daily Life Consulting

Introducing ME FIRST COACHING (c)

In answer to the oft-asked question "but what about ME?" here's the answer. Introducing ME FIRST COACHING (c). I posted some information on the Daily Life Consulting blog here . Note the Q&A about why it's called "ME FIRST" (c).

As parents and others who are living and dealing with children you know the concept behind giving, giving, giving and giving some more. You're too tired to even think about doing something for yourselves until that day when it all hits the fan. Stop.
Don't let it get to that point. If you take a deep breath and inhale from your "oxygen mask" first i.e. take care of yourself, you'll have the energy, stamina, drive and desire to do all the other things "for everyone else" that you need to.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

For more info on Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids or ME FIRST COACHING(c) contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or for speaking, lectures, workshops or groups at your schools, functions or groups please contact Jill Evans at jill at gtkgroup dot com

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)
Daily Life Consulting

What Is Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids? + What Makes Finnish Kids So Smart? WSJ + Single Sex Public Education - NYTimes

When it comes to Education I'm a bit "Back To The Future" in my philosophy. Hi-Touch and Hi-Tech. Hi-touch because there's nothing more real than children, especially young children. Hi-tech because it's the present and future.

Combine the old fangled methods that work well with technology that meets the educational, intellectual, emotional and creative needs of children. It sounds very simple, and conceptually it is but...it also implies asking and answering many questions about what the "educational, intellectual, emotional and creative needs of children" are. That is one of our goals here at Daily Life Consulting (4 Kids).

Other goals include applying all the knowledge and using it to create and develop and teach daily life solutions which will enable children to have the most fun and successful childhoods possible. We work with parents, teachers, counselors, therapists, coaches, schools and school administration, government and corporations and anyone else who works and cares about children who would like to acquire the skills, knowledge and techniques that will enable them to encourage healthy growth and success.

To that end, along with the Learning Readiness and Skills modules that I've been working on we are in the midst of creating and developing one of the most exciting coaching and learning modules that it has been my extreme joy and excitement to create. I don't want to say more until it's been worked through a bit more but it will combine the most basic elements of hi-touch with preparing children for a future in a very hi-tech world.

In answer to your questions about what I think re: the New York Times article about Single Sex Public Education. Yes.

As for what works, check out a great article in the Wall Street Journal about education that works, that is (gasp) somewhat old-fashioned What Makes Finnish Kids So Smart?Among other concepts "one explanation for the Finns success is their love of reading".

What I love about the article is the description of the Finnish philosophy, the libraries in the malls, the lack of competing "cool factors" in schools. The focus on learning and allowing for children to be children and growing. Mr. Erma, a teacher at the school put it brilliantly "we just have to accept the fact that they're kids and they're learning how to live."

Let's work together to do that ... help them "learn how to live". Not "how to take tests well" or "how to get a pedicure at 6" or "how to follow pop entertainment role models to the exclusion of everything else" or "how to be the ultimate consumer by age 10" but simply "how to live".

If you have any questions or comments or would like more information on Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids please email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Bill Gates Wants To Know... How To Make Kids Interested in Science

So Bill Gates wants to know how to get children more interested in science (he asks the question on Linked In).
Simple Bill - in three words - fun, exciting, important.
Make science fun.
Make it exciting.
Make it something that is perceived to have worth and importance in our society.

Make science mushy, gushy, messy, explosive, fun, something to think about before, during and after school. Don't fit it into a 45 minute block of time during a school day that is devoted to test-prep at the expense of everything else.

I could go on and on about it but instead I'll just remember the goofy science experiments and lessons I did with my early childhood classes. We laughed, we gasped, we thought and talked about them. We took pictures and they became "remember when?" moments. They were fun. They were exciting. They were important because I tied them into the children's worlds. They were relevant.

So Mr. Gates here's how it looks through the eyes of someone who looked at it through children's eyes for many years. Joyous, Fun, Exciting, Full of Feeling, Worthwhile.

Or, imagine what it looked like. A room full of children from all different countries around the world (our public school was called "The International School"). Some speak English, some don't. They're all huddled around a corner of the room. Some are wearing smocks, some are wearing rubber gloves. They are all smiling. Most are giggling. Some are ooo-ing and aaaaa-ing. Some are clapping their hands with glee and some are getting a bit giddy and jumping in place. Their eyes are glowing and their faces are shining. They're all smiling unless they're concentrating too hard, in which case, they are tense with anticipation.

They are inventing. They are creating. They are discovering. They are asking questions. They are uncovering answers. They are thinking new thoughts.
(Oh, and by the way - they're behaving.) They are scientists and they are loving every minute of it.

That's how you get kids interested in science Mr. Gates. Try it. You'll love every minute of it yourself.

Setting Limits - Giving Children a Childhood Re: Never Too Young For a Pedicure

I received many emails and questions this morning about the very, very disturbing article in today's New York Times Never Too Young for That First Pedicure asking me what I thought.

What do I think? I think that there is a time that a child is too young for a pedicure and everything else that might go along with that. Why the rush? Why are people rushing children past the most wonderful, innocent, fun and youthful times of their lives?

The best way to phrase this comes from something my own mother said to my younger sister (Rachel C.)years ago. My sister's classmate got some ridiculously inappropriate outfit for a girl that age - I think it was a white mink skirt for a tween or early teen. After hearing all about the outfit my mother responded "what will she have to look forward to?".

That's it in a nutshell. What will they have to look forward to?

I work with people who are working very hard to raise their children the best way they can, in a world that seems to have decided that children are a consumer opportunity, miniature adults, accessories, in charge and lots of other things. They're not.

Setting limits for children is a loving and generous thing. You are allowing them the freedom to be children and not have to deal with situations that they aren't equipped to deal with now and that they'll have plenty of time to deal with later. You are giving children the opportunity of having an authority figure who tells, and shows, them how to navigate the world while they're too young to understand the consequences of many of their actions.

Many parents I work with are often afraid at the beginning to set limits because they're afraid their children "won't love them" "will be angry at them" "won't think I'm cool". So?

Yes. You heard that right. So? They will love you even if they say "I hate you", it is inevitable that they will be angry with you and quite frankly your job as a parent is not to be there in order to be cool. If you want constant adulation and cool appreciation become a rock star.

You are there as their parent, first role models and authority figures. At some point every parent who is doing a good job and is asserting their authority will hear the dreaded "I hate you". Guess what? You'll live through it. Your children will live through it. Sometimes they'll feel that way. It doesn't mean it will last forever, it doesn't even mean it's unusual. It's just what they're feeling at the moment.

The question is do you have the guts to stand up for what you believe in?
Can you be a role model in asserting your beliefs and opinions to your children? If you can, whether they like it or not, they'll learn to stand up for what they believe in. It won't happen until they're older but it will happen and then you'll hear and feel the love.

Can you delay the gratification until then? Can you tolerate the negative feelings they'll be having toward you? Great. That's how they will learn how to do the same.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

Feel free to email any comments or questions to
rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Taking Play Seriously - NY Times

The cover story in this week's New York Times Magazine Taking Play Seriously by Robin Marantz Henig has been the focus of so many sessions, emails and questions.

My short answer. PLAY. PLAY. PLAY. PLAY. Play on. Play again. Play some more. Hey - wanna play? Let's play and of course the classic "let's go out and play". I think that just about covers it.

I won't go into the myriad educational, psychological, neurological, sociological or psychosocial reasons here. Any of you who want to discuss that in more depth we can do that during your sessions, workshops etc. But for now, for today, for here and now. Play. Play. Play. Let your children play and as I discussed in my blog post for Daily Life Consulting - Kick Start Self Coaching, you go play too!

Life can be full of serious moments and experiences. At the same time, life can and should be full of play and happiness.

Marlena said this morning during a workshop that she "needs permission" to play. Well, Marlena and all the rest of you who need permission. Poof! I wave my magic wand and give you permission. Whew! Don't you feel better now? And I "give you" permission because the best way your children can learn to play and have fun and enjoy life is if they see you doing it.

Children learn and grow by doing and playing. Same goes for big children and adults.

Enjoy the day your way and don't forget to play along the way,
RK

Parents Know Best - Learning As You Go

Good Morning and we've made it to another weekend. Great news for some, and then there are parents of school-age children who have so much going on during the weekend that they heave a sigh of relief when school starts on Monday. (You know who you are!).

I remember the happy smiles and the all the warmth and love that came my way during my teaching years. Sure, the parents were happy that I loved their children and was a good teacher (if I do say so myself, and apparently I am) but more than that - they were so darn happy that school was starting. Forget Mondays - after holidays and summer vacation...boy did I feel the love. The sun didn't shine as warm as the smiles of the parents dropping their children off at school after a week or more of vacation.

Having said that....This post is in response to the emails and questions I've gotten regarding the post below (learning from the Giants) and others where I've given suggestions for different activities or ways of communicating.

In short -

These are suggestions. It's not a script to follow word for word. The questions are a way to possibly get the conversation/s going. One or more to try something in a way you haven't tried it before.

Don't try them all at once and don't think you have to. It's an outline, a cheat sheet for thinking about interacting in a new way.

Not everything will work with every child. You know that even among siblings children can be so different from one another. Think about all the people you know, would every way of interacting with one, work with all of them?

You know yourself and your child best. When working with parents, many wish I could (and ask for) the definitive way of being the best parent they can and assisting their children in growing into and becoming successful adults emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and every other way.

Now for THE SECRET to achieving that.....(drum roll).....(another drum roll)...

There is no secret. No ONE WAY. There is the way that works for you, your children, your family, your life vision, lifestyle and the society that you choose to live in.

Your job is to do the best job you can with the tools and circumstances you're given and the hand you've been dealt. That means working within the parameters of your temperament, your children's temperaments, the value system you live by and would like to instill in them.

So this weekend, while you're running around if you're feeling harried and tired and sometimes cranky stop for a minute (ok a second - who has a whole minute?) and congratulate yourself on trying to do the best you can.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

Learning From (the NY) Giants

Hi All and Congratulations to all Giants fans on a great victory. It's all people have been talking about for the last couple of days, ok besides the primaries yesterday.

Many parents had these kinds of thoughts -
"I wish my kids were as interested in books as they are in sports!"
"If my son paid half as close attention to ANYTHING as he does to the Giants season he'd be ________."
"I think my daughter's a little too young to be watching a football game because a player is "hot", she's only 10 and I'm a bit concerned."
"I wish I could get my kids to sit down and do their homework the way they sat down to watch the game."
"Amazing! They can follow all the details about the team and the games but can't concentrate on anything school-related."
"Did you notice that when they're watching the game they don't have to be on/the phone/listening to their ipods/texting all at the same time?"

All true. All relevant. All interesting. Good observations. Good questions.

Guess what? This is actually great stuff! Here's what you know.
Your children can show interest in something challenging.
Your children are able to sit down and concentrate on something.
Your children can focus on doing one thing at a time.

How? Start by going to where they are.
Meaning, use their interests as a starting point. Get them talking about themselves and the things they like. If you were doing that with football as a starting point, here are some ideas for ways to 'get the ball rolling'.

* Reading?
Get them books and magazines about their favorite sports and heroes.
* Current Events?
Follow the team's progress in the newspapers and online.
* Math?
Talk about the plays and follow them. What had to be taken into account? How far did the ball have to go? What kind of analytical skills did Eli Manning have to have in order to plan out and execute the plays?
* Leadership?
What character traits did Eli Manning, Coach Coughlin and the team exhibit during the season? During the game?
How did they react to the negative things that were being said and written and said about them?
* Science?
How did the weather affect the game?
What did they have to take into account when playing in the Northeast or the Southwest?
* Sportsmanship?
How did the Giants and Patriots react before,during and after the game? How do you think they felt? What did they learn?
* Planning and Reaching Goals?
How did the team come to win the Superbowl? Did they have to practice? Were they born being great football players? What kinds of obstacles did they face and overcome?
* Personal Goals?
What might you want to do? What do you think you'd have to do to achieve it? What skills will you need? Who can you get to help you reach your goals?

Children love and need to be heard and listened to. They might not be comfortable talking at first if they're not used to it but stick to it.
Don't become frustrated by monosyllabic grumblings or answers.
Keep the lines of communication open about the things they're interested in. It's a great way to get to know them, teach them and learn from them.

Good luck and let me know how it goes - drop me an email at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting.com

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)

Daily Life Coaching http://www.dailylifecoaching.com

School Readiness, Learning Readiness, School Skills, Learning Skills

The last couple of weeks have been very interesting from a planning perspective. Here at Daily Life Consulting and Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids we're in the midst of creating some dynamic programming for parents, teachers and others involved in the educational, emotional and social growth and development of children.

We're developing a series of workshops and seminars which will begin within the next month or so on topics and issues such as
School Readiness
Learning Readiness
School Skills
Learning Skills
Behavior Management
Speaking and Reading Skills and Comprehension
and more
Stay tuned...

Eli Manning Took Cues From Mother - NY Times

What a great, great article and story about a mother-son relationship as well as how family interactions created the person Eli Manning is today. The article Eli Manning Took Cues from Mother also mentions reading difficulties that Eli had.

Terrific and inspirational story!
RK

For 'helicopter parents,' the urge to protect spins out of control - NY Daily News

Thanks M.P. for the article - I hadn't seen it. Glad you liked what I had to say.
The article is For 'helicopter parents,' the urge to protect spins out of control by Sheryl Berk and some thoughts I had on the topic.

Lots of clients deal with the issue. How much is too much?
Living in NYC post-9/11 there is heightened anxiety over safety issues. Many parents are concerned about their children getting the best education they can. Some worry that their children aren't socializing the way they should be. The pressure from other parents and their children's progress can feel overwhelming. There are lots of reasons that parents today are concerned. What is too much? When does concern turn to stifling? When does "being there" become hovering?

New York Measuring Teachers by Test Scores - NY Times

Thanks D. for emailing me the article New York Measuring Teachers by Test Scores - NY Times by Jennifer Medina

As for what I think...ARGH is about all I'll say in writing...ok - make that ARGH ARGH ARGH

One question though - anyone making a connection between the article in the WSJ about behavior problems in pre-school and the unrelenting pressure and emphasis being put on testing and test scores? I am and have been for quite a while. I was also discussing the WSJ article (post below) with my 90 year old mentor/professor last week and the first thing she said was "maybe they're trying to teach them too much". There you go. Out of the mouth of experience....


I'll be happy to talk to you about the article and the implications for J. when we meet this week but as for a request for a blog reaction this is about all I'm comfortable with.

Argh.

Enjoy the day,
RK

What's Gotten Into Kids These Days? Wall Street Journal

Terrific and important article What's Gotten Into Kids These Days? by Sue Shellenberger in today's Wall Street Journal. What's going on? Why is it happening? I do not agree with some of the information in the article but that's too long to go into here.


It is a major issue that we work on with clients here at Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids (http://www.dailylifeconsulting.com) in our Life Skills for Children and one which, if addressed early on doesn't have to escalate to the point where it interferes with children's learning and education.

I very much agree that "teachers also benefit from access to mental-health or behavioral consultants" and we do work with schools and programs, and individual teachers who come on their own for educator coaching. I believe that teachers should have some background in psychology and have access to mental health and behavioral consultants.

Having been there myself, I will tell you that I truly believe that teaching young children is one of the toughest, toughest jobs in the world. It is also amazingly rewarding.

Coaching Tips on this topic will follow next week. If you'd like more information on our Life Skills for Children coaching, workshops, seminars (and online classes which are coming soon) please contact me rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or jill at gtkgroup dot com.

Enjoy the day,
RK

Apartment Living Safety Tips for Children -

Thanks Tina R. for the email and link!

I recently spoke about apartment living safety tips for children which is an issue that comes up often for clients who live in NYC or other big cities. The article is How to Care for at Risk Residents By Lisa Iannucci .

Harry Potter' Star Donates Eyeglasses to Holocaust Exhibition

Terrific story'Harry Potter' Star Donates Eyeglasses to Holocaust Exhibition

I am personally touched by this news. What a beautiful idea for an exhibition and what a great way to get children, along with their parents, to see the exhibit.

As the daughter of Holocaust survivors who somehow survived as children, I'm always moved by stories like this one. Years ago as a teacher of immigrant children and working on a Borough wide Holocaust Memorial contest with them, I organized a class contest with my first graders to collect buttons. The goal was to collect as many as we could and make art trains out of them for an exhibition. (FYI this pre-dated the movie "Paper Clips" and yes, we won the contest!). I told the children a bit about the history, as much as a first grader could be expected to understand and the contest was on.

Could we collect 6 million buttons to commemorate all the people? After a week or two it was obvious to them we couldn't. Could we collect 1 million for the 1 million children who perished? By counting one at a time and collecting painstakingly it was obvious to the children that the number was too overwhelming.

Much too overwhelming.

Giving Disorganized Boys the Tools for Success - NY Times

Happy 2008 All!

I got so many emails about the planning and organizing post below so if you haven't gotten a response it's on its way! (Not today though I was supposed to be on tech-break altogether...)

Meanwhile there's an interesting article in the New York Times
Giving Disorganized Boys the Tools for Success by Alan Finder.

It makes some great points about organizing and planning. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole boys/girls points that they raise. In my years of experience I've come across boys who were so organized they put everyone in the class/school/university to shame and girls who came in on a cloud of dust like Pigpen in the Snoopy comics. Although I'm the first one to talk about how boys and girls are different and that that's wonderful and as it should be I'm not sure about this area.

Having said that, there are some great ideas and thoughts for boys and girls in the article. Not the least of which is the idea of doing homework in a silent environment without tech or other distractions.

Another thought - the fact that the boys get the personalized attention with their work - well to me that might be a big part of it. Any child could benefit from that. And a teenage boy getting personal attention from an attractive 20-something year old? Damn straight they'll sit up and pay attention!

It actually brought to mind a story about a student of mine from my first year of teaching. He was 4 and it was kindergarten. He was, how shall we put it, quite active and it took months to get him into a routine and behaving appropriately for school. He was bright and sweet and everything else and I enjoyed him as a student to no end. I ran into his mother the following year and asked how he was doing "could I please give him back to you?" was her response. It seems Greg (not his real name) was having toughest time in his new class. His behavior was a problem as well as a host of other things we'd worked on the year before. They'd called in his mother for a meeting with the principal and his teacher and during the course of the conversation they'd asked him what was going on.
"But you were so wonderful last year Greg." His answer? "But that was for Rebecca".

A good connection with a child will encourage the most wonderful behaviors and enhance the ablility to learn new skills and subjects. It's not the only thing, but it does play a part. I think the concept described in the article is great and the attention they're getting, especially from someone they're connecting with. I think all children and young adults should have that kind of personal attention while finding their place in school and the world.

Good article. Good concept.
Tips you can take from it include personal attention to homework, silent and concentrated homework time, interest in what they're doing and they're deadlines, a soft touch and a caring and interested adult. Watch how they thrive.
Happy 2008!
RK