"Because I Said So" "Because I'm the Mother" "Because I'm the Father"

Vacation time! Well, that's all relative I guess. Vacation time for children and overtime for parents.

It's hectic.
You're feeling harried.
Between getting it right for the holidays -
being sandwiched between parents and children-
trying to work
trying to relax (a little? pretty please???) -
trying not to eat too much
trying to keep the kids entertained
Ok, let's be honest trying to keep them from fighting...shall I go on?
I've been hearing it and working with people on these issues all month and it's tough.

So first of all. Relax and think - school starts again in a few days. But until then you've got to get through and there's no reason not to get through it well with some planning, some putting down of the foot, and some fun.
One step at a time.

Planning
It's not too late to plan now for the next few days. Take a half an hour - no "what? a half an hour???" Find it. Ok - that half hour will buy you hours of peace. Here's what you do.

Outline the hours that need to be filled.
Choose a few activities either in the house or outside that can fill them.
Write down the materials, people, resources you'll need to do them.
Gather your resources.
Plan it out as closely as you can.
Tell the children what will be happening in the next few days. This gives them a sense of control over their immediate future and can often stave off "I'm booooooooored" and "what should I dooooooooooooo?"

Putting Down of the Foot!

Many of the parents I work with have been socialized to believe that nowadays the only way to approach situations with children is to explain and discuss what's going on and why they must do things. There are myriad reasons for this depending on the person, the way they were raised, their expectations of being a parent, pressures from other parents and their own parents and on and on.

Without delving into those at this time I'll just say that children are not small adults. They don't comprehend the ramifications of different situations in the way that adults do. They don't have the same sense of cause and effect, they don't understand the consequences of different actions, they don't understand what lots of things mean. They don't have the experiences or skills to know all that. They aren't supposed to yet. That's what growing up teaches them. They are too young to know all of that.

That's why it's your job to put down your foot and be firm about certain things. Again, I'm not talking about being punitive, or strict all the time. I'm not talking about not discussing things that they might understand on a level that they may understand it. Far from it and those of you who work with me or have heard me speak know that.

What that does mean is that sometimes it's ok to say "Because I said so", "because I'm the mother/father". Sure a vision of your own parent comes up in front of you and you think "I can NOT believe I just said that!!!!". But you did and it's Ok.
That's your role, you're the parent.

Children thrive with routine and schedules, they know what to expect, there aren't too many surprises, they learn by repetition, they can become comfortable and more adept at doing things. They don't have to concentrate on planning and figuring things out. They can be children and experience and learn from the experience.

Having Fun Once everything is in place, planned and you know what your limits are and how to be firm about them you too can relax and have fun.

Kids are great fun.
Did you ever notice how much they laugh and smile?
They see the world through new and unjaded eyes.
Everything is new.
Everything is an adventure.
Enjoy the newness with them. It can make you young too.

Enjoy the day - enjoy the vacation!
RK

The Secret to Raising Smart Kids - Scientific American Mind

Terrific Terrific Fantastic (need I go on with the adjectives of admiration?) Ok, one more, GREAT article in Scientific American Mind by Carol S. Dweck about - well, the title is self explanatory - The Secret to Raising Smart Kids . It's a somewhat long article but it's packed full of information, some tips and some additional reading.

Much of what they say goes along with many of the tenets of the coaching and teaching that I've done and the programs I've developed. It's terrific stuff. Read it and pass it on to anyone interested in raising smarter children (of all ages), or encouraging children who seem to be having a difficult time. There are ways to change and it's never too late to change. Never. Never too late to change.

'Educational' and 'Learning' - When Did They Become Four Letter Words? And Why?

Back again - hopefully the next post won't be so long in coming....it's been hectic and we've been dealing with all of the issues that I talked about in the last post. Add to that all kinds of school admissions issues for students from Pre-K through Graduate School...lots of the same anxiety issues although each level's search-and-admissions process are different. Mix in a bit of New Year's Resolutions for Parents, Kids and Family Units and it's been well... whew! Let's just say I'm really happy to have a chance to write here today.

So today's NY Times has an article about Scholastic's next book series "Scholastic Plans to Put Its Branding Iron on a Successor to Harry Potter" and I caught this statement by David Levithan, an executive editorial director at Scholastic "...we talk of it as being subversively educational." Ok - here's the problem I have with that statement.

I know, believe me I know that if you try and get children to do something strictly because it's educational the glassy eyed stares and yawns that greet you will make you never want to utter those words again. Sure there are other ways to get children involved in activities that help them learn, the problem is that "educational" and "learning" have become the words that people speak in hushed tones. Everything else is out there in the open. And I mean EVERYTHING else - but this topic adults are afraid or reluctant to discuss.

Here's the thing. Let's get "educational" out of the back rooms. Let's show it proudly and talk about it openly because educational can be fun especially if it's approached the right way. Because when we stop learning we stop growing and living the best and most complete lives that we can. Because everything in our lives can be educational one way or another. Because life is educational and that's a good thing.

Think about vacations. Think about reading something interesting. Think about trying a new sport or taking a new route to work. Think about getting a new pet for the family. Think about the first time you went on the internet. Think about the first time you shopped on the internet. Keep going - think of all the things you did today and that hokey little saying we say all the time "well, I guess you learn something new every day". How lucky are we to be able to do that?

Ok - I sound like some Teacher's Pet-Pollyanna-Nerd - none of which I was in school believe me. But I know that the greatest joys in life come from continuing to learn new things. Learning helps prevent brain degeneration as you get older, our brains have amazing plasticity which allows us to learn and re-learn and develop new brain pathways. It's all good. Really.

So. Take the word "educational" off the list of four-letter words and embrace it and use it with your children. Be excited about learning new things. Talk about the "new thing you learn every day". If you approach it this way - they will learn to do so.

The great by-product of this is that you'll encourage your children to be self-starters in new projects, ideas and worlds of thought. They'll be less bored because there will always be something new to learn and try.

As a person who's never bored because there's always something new to learn and try...I'll tell you it's the greatest thing in the world.

Thanksgiving Or Giving Thanks and Getting Through

Happy Thanksgiving! Or that's what it's supposed to be. The holidays have lots of good points and moments but the reality is that the holidays can be very tough. Lots of togetherness, lots of old resentments resurfacing, lots of tension simmering leading to new resentments, misunderstandings, hurt feelings....you know what I'm talking about.

One of the issues that comes up with many clients at this time of year is the additional difficulty of celebrating the holidays as a blended family. There are lots of different kinds of blended families but the challenges are similar. How to mesh different families, people, traditions, memories while managing the negative feelings that are particular to this situation?

Whether the family history includes divorce, a single parent becoming a married parent, death, remarriage, living with a new partner, new siblings, step-siblings....the list goes on and as our definition of family is redefined the situations may become more complicated but the goal is the same. Make the holidays and holiday celebrations as pleasant as possible.

There are too many specific situations to go into any of them in depth here but I'll just mention a few major points that I work with all my clients on.

* Try and be aware of your holiday triggers. Are there certain rituals or scenarios that set you off? Think about them and work around them. Avoid them if you can, make alternate arrangements, plan ahead, substitute something else in its stead. In some cases it's not possible so do the best you can to just get through it.

* Be sensitive to what the children involved are going through. They probably can't articulate the way that you can what's upsetting them or causing them discomfort, sadness, frustration or even grief. The holidays might bring up for them memories of someone they're not with, a family situation they wish was different, a new parent or a parent's new partner that they just don't like, in the case of divorce or a death in the family the child may be yearning for the past and resentful of the way things are now, and angry and rebellious at the way things are now.

* If your child is having a very hard time with changed life circumstances and the holiday celebration might be setting them off, sit them down for a talk. Argh you're thinking. I know. No one said it's easy but it is in many cases necessary. If it's next to impossible for you to talk to them about that you can begin the conversation by saying that. Tell them that it's difficult. That it's difficult for everyone. Tell them that this is the way it is now though and for today, this week, this month this is how it's going to be and that everyone needs to do the best they can. Ask them if there's some way you can assist them in getting through the holidays. You can even reminisce about times gone by "I know it's tough and you liked it better when ______" and even "I wish I could change things for you but for now this is our new reality, our new world, our new family _____".

Again, I'm not suggesting it's easy but I am suggesting that dealing with it makes the holidays go a bit easier than not dealing with it.

Good luck! Wishing you and yours everything wonderful,
RK

Study Links Drop in Test Scores to a Decline in Time Spent Reading - NY Times

They ARE kidding that this is news? Right? A quick reply to the emails and questions I've gotten this morning regarding the article and the studies. I haven't had time to review the studies so I'll only comment on the article with some general thoughts. (For current clients - any specific questions would be best dealt with on an individual basis.)

Ok - here goes. Again. And again and again and again.

Instill in a child a love of reading and they will pick up books and reading material on their own. They won't only pick up the book that everyone's reading because "everyone's reading it".

Instill in a child a love of reading and the ability to be still with a book and you enable them to develop ;
*the ability to entertain and educate themselves
*patience
*the ability to listen to themselves think
*an ability to sustain silent moments
*the ability to focus, to imagine, to picture, to concentrate and to take a leap into a world that has been transported from the page to their imagination
*a love of the written word
*the ability to ask and answer questions themselves
*sometimes the desire to express themselves through writing
*a broader vocabulary
*a curiosity about worlds they haven't explored
....and more and more and more (this was just for starters)

As for tests and test results, teach children to take tests and do well on tests and they'll know how to - take tests and possibly get good scores on them.

That's a quick response. More in the future I'm sure.

Meanwhile, talk to your children (of all ages) about the topics and areas that they're interested in.
*Go to a bookstore, the library or online and let them choose books and magazines on those topics.
*Keep books, magazines, dictionaries, encyclopedias and other reference materials around the house.
*Keep a daily newspaper around the house and discuss the events of the day.
*Encourage your children (of all ages) to read.
*Model reading for them - telling them isn't enough, if they see you reading they are encouraged to read.

Granted, I grew up in an education minded household which I sometimes affectionately refer to as the "learning lab". Both my parents adore reading and read to us, with us and to themselves. We had the school reading programs in our house (Dad was a school administrator before he retired) and our biggest treats were books. I remember my father coming home with a briefcase full of books and we got to choose one or two knowing that there were so many other fun ones left. It was hard to choose but we always knew there was so much more. My mother to this day is one of the most voracious readers I have ever met reading more than a book a week, not to mention magazines and newspapers. They certainly modeled a love of reading and knowledge. It was natural. It wasn't work or homework, it was fun.

I should mention that both my parents are immigrants who speak about 10 languages between the two of them with English being the most recent, so the fact that they were, and continue to be, voracious readers of English is no small feat. I will also say that a love of reading is one of the single greatest gifts they gave us and I am thankful for it every day of my life.

Give your children a love of reading and you give them a gift they'll use every day. I say that as a reader, writer, teacher and person.

Building a Nation of Polyglots, Starting With the Very Young - NY Times - So Simple Even Adults Can Do It!

I tend not to comment here about many of the education findings that I read about or that many of you ask about since my thoughts are usually in opposition to much of what I read. Because of my training in different areas and being raised and educated to ask and challenge accepted modes of thinking, I do the same with studies, research and all the rest. There are so many holes and so much missing from much of the work that the thought of applying much of it can be downright frightening. Using fMRI scans of children with ADD...without a whole lot of other information that can get into some real Big Brother territory, not to mention jumping to conclusions.

Having said that, I would like to comment on Building a Nation of Polyglots, Starting With the Very Young by describing my experiences as a teacher (and English as a Second Language teacher) for a few years to classes composed wholly of immigrant children. English was spoken in the classroom - by me and only me, at least at the beginning of the year.

Oh, did I happen to mention that they were 5 and 6 and in the first grade?
Did I mention that they were 27 children who spoke about 17 languages?
Did I happen to mention that many of them were brand new immigrants who came in at different times during the year and so the English learning process had to begin with them all over again from where they were?
Did I happen to mention that I single-handedly kept the caffeine industry going? I also learned how to say "good boy", "good girl" and "bathroom" in more languages than I'll ever need. (You should see how well I do when I travel!)

As a speaker of other languages, the child of immigrants, and someone whose first language is not English I was exquisitely attuned to the difficulty and challenges involved. The desire to say the words that just won't come out of your mouth the right way. The frustration of knowing perfectly well what it is that you're thinking but being absolutely incapable of translating it and getting it out. It's the feeling you get when you travel to another country. You know that you know what you're thinking and you know how to say it, you just don't know how to say it to them so they'll understand you.

It was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my career and taught me so much about human nature and the nature of communication. The children were warm and open to helping each other. They were sensitive to each other's needs without having to be told in words. Non-verbal communication was picked up quickly by the children in order to help each other. A look, an expression, a quivering lip, a smile were translated and understood. Latino children spoke some words in Chinese, Chinese children learned a bit of Russian and Russian children picked up some Urdu.

So much of the talk about education and children learning is fancy words and concepts and old theories recycled in new packaging. Having been there and done that I will tell you with complete authority and sureness that it's all about letting children do what comes naturally when it comes to learning. Let them play, interact, become curious, ask questions, get the attention they need, develop a sense of their strengths and weaknesses, learn to love learning and the process of learning and also how to interact with others in the best way to facilitate progress.

Children do that in any language that they speak. They are so open to helping each other learn and thrive. It's as they get older and defenses develop and get stronger that it gets harder to give and receive the help.

So yes, it was an interesting article and I was pleased that the issue is getting attention but let's step back a moment and get all the way back to the basics. The ABCs, as it were.

It's all there.
It's all been there all the time -
and it's so simple -
EVEN ADULTS CAN DO IT.

Count Your Blessings...Before You Ask For New Ones - Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving

Aren't those just the greatest lyrics? I don't know who wrote or sings them but I heard the song in the movie "The Wendell Baker Story" which is a great movie for thinking about counting your blessings (among other things and a couple of great lines, laughs and poignant moments.)

Veteran's Day is a really great day to teach children about sacrifice, country, democracy and being involved in something larger than yourself. It's a chance to open their eyes to the fact that our country is a free and democratic nation because people defend her right to be.

Veteran's Day Discussion Starter Tips:

* What is Veteran's Day?
* Why do we celebrate Veteran's Day?
* How would the USA be different if our brave soldiers hadn't fought for her?
* Which was the first war that was fought for the USA?
* What war is the USA fighting in now? Where are our soldiers stationed?
* Do you know any soldiers or veterans?
* Is anyone in our family from a foreign country? How did they get here?
* What is great and good about a free country? Voting? Freedom of Speech?
* What do Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness mean?
* What makes you happy? Why?
* How can we give thanks to our veterans?

Depending on the age of your children you can go into the concepts on a surface or a deeper level.

For older teens and young adults it's a good time to talk about the long-term effects of combat and combat wounds both physical and psychological. Are there any veterans portrayed in any of the media they consume? Talk about the countries that don't enjoy the freedoms that we do.

Without our veterans we wouldn't be here today. Let's celebrate them.

Thanksgiving - Giving Thanks

Amy G. sent me an email asking how she can possibly begin to teach her 15 year old daughter gratitude "when she hates me, everything about me, everything about my life and what I stand for, do, wear, eat....if we weren't having Thanksgiving at our house this year I don't even know if she'd show up".

Amy G. you have got your work cut out for you but don't fear and don't despair, you are not alone. I work with many parents who are going through the same kinds of things and the holidays are especially difficult.

First of all. Remember this. I'm going to sound tough as nails now but so be it. You are her mother. She is living under your roof. You are supporting her. She might "hate" everything about you (whatever - being 15 isn't easy either) but there is a certain modicum of respect with which she needs to treat you.

Having said that. Let's empathize for one second with a 15 year old girl in today's world. I'm glad it's not me. The societal and social pressures are horrendous in addition to all that hormonal activity going on and the need to differentiate and individuate - in other words the need to become her own person.

How's this for a novel approach? Next time she tells you that she hates something you're doing, ask her why? What is it about it that she finds so horrible? If it's clothing, ask her suggestion as to what she thinks you might be doing differently. If it doesn't work for you explain why, and who knows - it just might work for you.

As for the developing appreciation - this time of year is actually a good time to sneak it in with all the holiday preparation and gift shopping.

Developing appreciation tip:

* Start making a holiday shopping list with her.
- Who is on her list?
- Why are they on the list, what is their relationship to her?
- What have they done for/with her this year that she believes warrants a gift or token of appreciation?
- Research teen-focused charities on the internet. Which does she think do worthwhile work? How? How is she lucky not to be in that situation?

Amy, that's only the first few steps. It takes a lot of work and she will probably begin by figuratively (or literally) kicking and screaming. Remember, she's going through her own stuff - you're actually a safe haven for letting out some of her frustration and confusion. It's not easy to be that person and there is behavior that you don't have to accept. Remember that too.

Start with this and keep me posted. And - do nice things for yourself. Write yourself a list of the things that you deserve acknowledgement and thanks for and do something nice for yourself!

Ok - Not Ok. Part 1

I don't usually snark here or talk about highly charged political or social issues. Today, however, I feel I must share a story that might feel like any or all of the above. I do it in the interest of illustrating some areas that I believe have gotten way out of control as far as people behaving badly.

I work with a terrific couple from Park Slope who are working like crazy to raise their three children well. The don't "parent", they are parents.

Tommy and Serena (not their real names)work with me to help streamline routines, to consolidate and implement goals and techniques for attaining them, on education issues, on life skills issues and all around on how to be a working family unit as well as a couple (with children). Tommy works in finance and works all kinds of hours in a very high-pressure position, Serena is a freelance graphic artist, the children are 6 and a set of 4 year old twins. A lot going on. Lots to manage. Lots to organize. Lots to deal with.

Last week the 6 year old was invited to a birthday party that was supposed to begin at 7:30 pm and Serena and Tommy decided that it was too late. It would mean that he wouldn't be home at least until 9-9:30 and wouldn't get to sleep (if they were lucky) until 10:00 (forget about the sugar rush and the overstimulated angle). They thanked their friend for the invitation but explained why their son wouldn't be able to attend. Sounds simple, right? Well, let the backlash begin!

It seems that one of her close friends called her and told her that she's "too strict" and warned her that she's going to make her children nerds. At the playground that afternoon two other mothers told her the same thing in different words. It seems that they have worked out late-night arrangements for their pre-schoolers and didn't understand why Serena and Tommy weren't doing the same.

"What about when Tommy works late? You mean he doesn't see the children? We let our children (pre-schoolers) stay up until 10:00 so that we can all eat dinner as a family."

Serena wasn't sure what to do but felt that she'd made the right decision about the party considering the late hour. I totally agreed with her and felt that she'd done the right thing. Her issue now was how to deal with the increased pressure by the other parents.

I've worked with parents who tell me that they don't want to feel that their social options are limited because they have become parents. I worked for a short while with woman who was incensed that the local bar wouldn't allow her in with her baby, she thought I was "too strict" and that her children will become nerds if she wasn't free and easy and went with the flow. We mutually decided that we weren't the best fit to work together.

I'll talk more tomorrow about the work that Serena, Tommy and I are doing about this and other related issues, the pressure when you want to do the right thing for your children and people around you aren't. It seems that peer pressure doesn't end after college. There's no time like the present to assert who you are.

Has this happened to any of you? Post or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the day (and stand your ground!)

The First-Grader's First PC from WSJ

Some good information and resources for technology for the early childhood set.

The First-Grader's First PC Simpler, Cheaper Machines Find an Audience With Kids; Filtering Out the 'Crazy Stuff'By CHRISTOPHER LAWTON November 1, 2007; Page D1

WSJ article - Some Date: How Homecoming Is Losing Out to Hanging Out

Terrific article by Jeff Zaslow How Homecoming Is Losing Out to Hanging Out. He writes as the concerned and involved father of three teenage girls about issues that teen girls are dealing with in an evolving culture of dating.

When working with teen clients and their parents on different school and social issues dating comes up at some point. Some teens aren't comfortable talking about it right away but inevitably it's a topic that needs to be addressed. Teens are discovering their identities in many areas and dating is one area that needs to be talked about earlier rather than later.

The behavior that a girl accepts and becomes comfortable with early on can effect her dating behavior as she gets older. Assertiveness, self-esteem and respect, self-knowledge, self-worth and a sense of direction all impact her choices.

Most girls and young women have difficulty navigating the dating terrain and when working with adult clients through Daily Life Consulting it is amazing how much of adult behavior clients attribute to dating patterns that were set years, sometimes decades, before.

Life Skills for Teen Girls: Begin from where you are speaking with your daughters about dating and the social scene they're involved with.

Find ways and programs to encourage and develop their assertiveness, self-esteem, self-respect, self-knowledge, self-worth, sense of direction, education goals, career aspirations, family, relationship and cultural goals and desires. Do it now. It's the perfect time to start no matter what's gone before. You can't change the past but you can impact the future.

Good luck and please email me with any thoughts, suggestions, questions or comments at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

RK

November!!!!

Ok I have always loved November and I'm still the biggest kid because I get excited about it every year. Being from New England originally I love the fall, the leaves, the crispness everything about it. Being the daughter of immigrants and someone whose immediate and extended family endured terrible experiences while in their countries of origin I love Thanksgiving, Veteran's Day and Election Day. And back in the day when I was in the school system I must admit that I loved all the vacation days we had during November.


This month we'll talk about -

* Election Day and teaching children of all ages the importance and privilege of living in a free country where we can vote and choose our leaders. (No blue or red state talk here...just the facts.)

* Veteran's Day and teaching children of all ages about the sacrifices, heroism, loyalty and dedication that our men and women in uniform have exhibited in the past as well as the present, at great cost to themselves and their families.

* Thanksgiving and teaching children of all ages about giving thanks, feeling thankful and how to show it, being appreciative and thankful for all the things we take for granted and as entitlements.

Enjoy the day, enjoy the month!

Halloween Safety

The good news is that for many children Halloween is one of the most fun days of the year. This year we've got the additional treat of an extra hour of daylight on Halloween. We don't change the clock and "fall back" until Saturday night, a week later than we usually do.

The bad news is that Halloween can be a dangerous time. No need to panic or cancel the whole thing but precautions are absolutely necessary.

SAFETY FIRST!!! I cannot stress this enough. When working with parents, children, teachers or anyone involved with the holiday that is the first and most important thing we plan for. After the safety factor is put into place you can focus on the fun.

Don't take safety for granted.
Don't assume that older children, tweens and teens can handle it on their own.
Don't be lulled by the fact that your children are "good". That may very well be but what about the other children and people out there.

Do be firm about your rules for trick-or-treating and parties.
Do be firm about your expectations and curfews.
Do be firm about contact information and itinerary.
Do be firm about how the treats can be eaten and when.
Do be firm about who the children can take candy/food from.
Do be firm about what houses they may visit.
Do be firm about chaperones.
Do be firm about destructive games or activities.

One of my students once came to me the day before Halloween because he didn't know what to do. He wanted to behave and follow the rules we had discussed in class (this was an inner city class in a fairly rough Halloween neighborhood) but his parents were sending him out trick or treating with his 22 year old uncle who was planning on throwing eggs at people. What was the child to do? His parents had the right idea to send him with a chaperone. Unfortunately they didn't know what the chaperone was planning. I contacted the parents and alternate arrangements were made but these are the kinds of things that could happen.

Make plans.
Map a route that is acceptable to you.
Be alert. Be involved.

I hate to be alarmist about these kinds of things but one can't take Halloween safety for granted.

For more specific ideas on Halloween safety check out WebMd's article Halloween Safety: Trick or Treat Tips

Well then, now that that's taken care of -

HAVE FUN!!!!!

Fashion Bullies Attack -- In Middle School - Wall Street Journal

Fashion Bullies Attack -- In Middle School. Terrific article in the Wall Street Journal.

It's hard to believe that this kind of behavior exists but it absolutely does. Middle School can be such a difficult time for girls and it's getting harder and harder. The internal and external pressures build and there are new pressures all the time. Fashion is fast becoming one of the real toughies.

When working with teen and tween clients and their parents we work on one of the very necessary life skills that a girl has to learn at this age which is assertiveness in addition to a sense of self. If a girl has a sense of who she is but isn't able to withstand the pressures of her peers or the media she will quickly lose that sense of selfhood.


The article also mentions the book "The Hundred Dresses" by Eleanor Estes which was written in 1944. I taught that book as part of a reading curriculum to immigrant children in a very urban area. They loved it! I think it's a great book with lots of great life lessons for children of all ages.

Tip To Try:

*If you're going shopping this weekend begin a dialogue with your daughter about fashion and fashion pressures.

*Don't expect too much information. Don't even ask for any just get the lines of communication open on this topic so that somewhere in the near future you can have a real conversation about it. If you jump right in chances are she'll jump right out.

Enjoy the weekend,
RK

Program to Deter High School Dropouts by Offering College Courses Is Approved - New York Times

Hi Mariette J,

In answer to your question about Program to Deter High School Dropouts by Offering College Courses Is Approved - New York Times . I think it's a great concept and I believe it helps. Students I've worked with who participated in such programs were much more motivated and did better in their senior year in high school then they otherwise would have.

There are a couple of reasons for this. First of all, the student doesn't have that sense that H.S. is all over and they don't have to do anything until the following year (remember the story a couple of months back about the boy who got his college acceptance rescinded because he totally flunked out in senior year?). The students are motivated, they aren't just floundering and lost as to what comes next. They have a chance to explore different courses and subject areas that might interest them and they have a focus.

The transition from high school to college is often terrifying for many, many students as much as they try and hide it. The August issue of Scientific American Mind's article called "Why We Quit" by Yvonne Raley is about how many students drop out of college and some of the reasons why.

Programs such as the one described in the NY Times article can do a lot to help students feel motivated, directed and focused and to stay in school. A number of years ago I did program and staff development and implementation for Drop Out Prevention programs for a joint NYC Dept. of Education and CUNY program. In addition to the teacher training component I worked with students in some of the toughest areas of NYC. These children had tough lives and home lives but if they were able somehow to feel connected to some positive future their outlook on school, education and their classes improved. Give a child a sense of a hopeful and positive future and hopefully they'll want to find a way to get there.

Good luck with your son and both your futures! Let me know how it goes and feel free to call or email for further input or coaching.

Enjoy the day,
RK

Gratitude

Since Thanksgiving is in November I think it's the perfect time to teach children about gratitude and giving thanks in all areas of their lives. I'll be talking more about it in the weeks to come along with activities, tips, tools and suggestions for raising an awareness of the need to appreciate in children. From Election Day and living in a free country where we're able to vote, to Veteran's Day and being grateful to the brave men and women who fight and fought for our right to live a free life, to Thanksgiving and a time to think and contemplate all that we might take for granted during the year.

For starters, if you're taking your children around on Halloween remind them to say thank you and please and talk about how generous it is that people are sharing with them.

Enjoy the day,
RK

Should I _________?

During the course of working with clients or when clients are first starting coaching for themselves as parents or for/with their children the question "should I _______ (something)?" or the related "what do you think I should do about _____?"
I also am constantly asked by clients, or people in the media what my opinions are about different topics including homeschooling, No Child Left Behind, Co-Sleeping, or a million other hot topics that hit the papers.

The short answer - my personal opinions are not relevant to the work that I do with my clients. The work that I do with clients is to explore and assist them in discovering what they believe is right for them, their children and their families.

So if I seem not to answer it's not because I don't have an opinion. If I answer a question by asking you a question it's not because I didn't hear or am evading the issue. I want to know more about what the issue means to you. How the issue impacts your life and how it might enhance or detract from your life. It's all about you and your life. Often clients who have referred their friends are intrigued that the outcome and process of coaching seems so different for them and/or their friend or acquaintance.

It's your life, your choices, your goals and aspirations. How could it all be the same for you as for everyone else?

Who, What, Where, When, Why and How something is right for you.

Enjoy the day - however you want to!
RK

A General Response - Competition

I work with many parents on the issue of their feelings regarding how their children measure up compared to the "competition" and how that reflects on them. A few thoughts to keep in mind.

In these fiercely competitive times parents are pushing their children more and more and expecting more from the children, and themselves, thenever before. Registering children for the best nursery schools before they're born. French, gymnastics, etiquette - all before they enter school!

No wonder parents are looking over their shoulders at what other parents are doing and how they themselves rate as parents.

No one wants to feel that they're not doing the best they can by their children and since nowadays many parents don't have the extended and multi-generational help and advice that they used to. Grandma and Aunt Tillie aren't around to teach you the
basics and tell you you're doing a great job.

So parents feel they have to look around and get the info "on the street", instead of looking inside and trusting their own intuition and gut instincts.

In addition, the vast amount of parenting information can make parents feel overwhelmed by the parenting choices and insecure of their decisions. Are the
Joneses doing a better job? Is their child smarter?

If a child comes up looking better than "the competition" the parents can pat themselves on the back and the fear and insecurity that they're not
doing a good job subsides - until the next incident!

Take a deep breath and relax. The best help you can provide immediately is to take the pressure off yourself and your children.

Then, take it one step at a time and explore what's important to you and your family. Take it from there. RK

Quick Tips for Making Mornings Less Stressful

In sessions and via email I deal with lots of the same issues with different people. Some are timeless and crop up over and over like the one about morning routines. Here's a question from one mother and some quick tips that might be helpful.

Help me Rebecca!

Morning's in our house are a nightmare. I can't get the kids out of bed and when I finally do there's a mad dash and someone always forgets something at home!

Any quick tips for making the mornings less stressful?
Miserable Mom

Hi MM,
The best tip? Prepare as much as possible the night before. Clothes, bookbags, any items that go into the bookbag that are needed for the day.

Developing rituals and even a checklist is also a way to eliminate morning anxiety and aggravation. It's hard enough to get up out of a nice cozy bed and face the day and it's difficulties. A checklist, and everything prepared (as much as possible), clothes laid out, bookbag filled waiting at the door, adds to a smoother day.

As for repeated wake-ups, if that's an issue, work with it! Set the alarm for 15-20 minutes earlier than the child has to wake up and let them ease into the day that way. Not everyone is a "jump out of bed and into the day" person. People have different rhythms and it's best to work with them, instead of fighting them.

Hope this helps,
RK

Learning 2.0 - K12 Online Conference 2007

There's a very interesting online conference going on called the K12 Online Conference which you can find here K12 Online Conference 2007

Anyone involved with children and/or learning will probably find something interesting to add to their information arsenal.

Many of you have asked me what the "integrated approach" means when I describe the work that I do. In short, I'm interdisciplinary in my training and approach. I'm trained in education, mental health and creative fields (writing in particular and the study of creativity as well). I incorporate all those areas into the work that I do. Now read on for the interesting part...

In answer to other comments I keep getting - something along the lines of "you must have been such a great student" "you must have loved school as a kid" - I say think again. Let's just say that when I ran into a high school teacher of mine when I was in my first year of teaching kindergarten and I told her what I was doing she laughed and said "I hope they never shut up!" (thanks Mrs. S!)

The truth is that I was a solid average student who got kicked out of class up to and including college classes (for talking - I know you're shocked) UNTIL my senior year of college when I was finally taking all the courses that I loved in my major. Suddenly, I was loving it. I was interested - I couldn't get enough - I wanted more, more, more and I've continued since then.

THAT'S why there's no such thing as a "difficult" student in my vocabulary. The task is to find out what's going on. My students were always well behaved and did as well as possible, my clients find their way and shine - it's my passion to help them do so.

It's also my great passion to help students and their parents find the areas that intrigue and motivate them - again - I've been there.

I've been there and I know the way out - that's why I love doing what I do.

Enjoy the day - discover something you love!

Re-Leaf The Earth and Rejoice! Blog Action Day - The Environment

Today is Blog Action Day - read more about it at http://www.blogactionday.com. What a great, great idea. The topic this year is the environment - one that is near and dear to my heart for many reasons, not the least of which is that I'm a total nature girl and adore being outside enjoying the world and all the gifts it has for us.

Years ago when I was teaching K-2 I would do a unit each Fall on leaves, foliage, fall fruits and vegetables, growing, planting and harvesting. This year with all the attention on the environment and the Nobel prize going to environment related people and issues, the topic is one that can be addressed with children of all ages.

Coaching Tips for Making Topics Fun:

* Don't approach it as a "topic" or something that HAS to be covered or learned. If you're interested in it, your children will be. Today I saw a kindergarten class taking a nature walk. They were holding leaves and waving them around. They were having fun! That's what it's all about.

* Find an age appropriate way for the issue to become fun and interesting.

* For example with very young children taking nature walks, identifying leaves and trees, looking at the foliage, planting - choose something that grows very, very fast like bean sprouts which can grow almost overnight - this way they see the results very fast.

* For grades 1-3 begin a planting project and chart the progress. A trip pumpkin picking is always fun even for children a bit older.

* Older tweens and teens might enjoy a trip to the country to see the foliage if there's also something else interesting on the trip. A museum or mall, theme park or sporting event. Sneak in discussions about the foliage, the environment and nature.

Coaching Tips for Adding Information:

* Keep books and movies around the house that your children can "find" and that they might enjoy. Ask your local librarian, surf the web, make a collage or decorate a centrally located bulletin board with titles.

* Keep journals of your discoveries and have your children do the same.

* Begin charting and locating Thanksgiving foods as well. Cranberries, yams, pumpkin pie and on and on.

* Point out particularly beautiful or interesting trees, flowers, plants and gardens.

Children don't just wake up one morning having information or an appreciation for nature and their environment. It's up to you to assist them in finding that information, making it fun and something they choose to explore further. What they like they'll seek out and want to learn more about.

Enjoy the day! Re-leaf and Re-joice in it!

Any fun, interesting ideas about nature or environment activities? Post it here or drop me a line at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com (or kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com)

Answers to Friday's Comments

Regrets for the delay in answering your comments but in the interest of surviving technological overload I try to be offline from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. It's not always easy but always worthwhile, and I find that I can hear myself think clearly before, during and after that time.

Before - because I know I have that haven coming up soon. During - because as tough as it is sometimes, and as drawn as I am to my tech toys I've gotten to the point where I can do it pretty easily and allow myself to interact with myself and others in a real-life-daily-way. After - because I've had the time to shut out all the overload of information. It's a technique that's been working for me - some of my clients have tried it. It works for different people in different increments of time.

Now - to your comments and thanks for taking the time to post - I love hearing your thoughts and comments, it's always food for thought for me.

T.N. - You're issue and question about teenage girls and the messages they get from the outside world is one of the toughest issues parents and teens are currently facing. I'll be talking about the topic in future posts. In the meantime - keep reinforcing positive role models, say "no" and keep to it. She won't like it but you're the parent and she's not going to like everything you do. It might be hard for you to tolerate the feeling of her not liking you right at that minute but it can't actually harm either of you physically and will do a lot for getting her on the right track.

Diana - It's tough to come up with activities that would be appropriate for the ages of both your daughters. How about if you ask your older daughter to do the project with your younger daughter?

Being the role model for an activity about role models will get your older daughter thinking in new ways as she guides the little one through the topic.

Your younger daughter will look up to the older one as a role model and you'd be amazed at how that will inspire the older one to think about her behaviors differently knowing someone is depending on her to do the right thing and act the right way. It will also be a catalyst to thinking about things she may not have before. Instead of acting impulsively she might give a moment's thought to how the behavior might appear to her younger sister.

It will also give you a chance to take a step back from the topic so that the older one doesn't have to rebel as much. She's the one in charge. She's making the decisions. She's choosing behaviors to highlight or downplay. She's in charge of deciding what works and what doesn't.

As for you - use the found time to be a role model for the kinds of things Mom does to keep her sanity!

Exhausted Dad - First of all congratulations on being involved enough to be asking the questions and attempting to get the right information. Sounds to me like you're on the right track to BEING a great role model.

Keep it going. Do the things you'd like your son to emulate. Engage in activities together. Keep apprised of his schoolwork and extracurricular activities. Try and eat dinner together as often as possible. It keeps the lines of communication open so that difficult topics can be addressed in an easy-going manner when necessary. It keeps you up to date with what's going on in his life.

A concern that often comes up when working with clients is the fear of saying "no" too often, of being the disciplinarian, of hearing "I hate you - you're the worst mother/father world", or "you're not my mother/father - my REAL mother/father would never....". I say GET OVER IT.

I can't say it often enough. As a matter of fact, I'll say it again GET OVER IT. As a parent your job is to be in charge and get your children to adulthood. They should get there safely and able to take care of themselves, fulfill adult responsibilities ably and go on from there.

I'm not suggesting that you become withholding and strict at all times. I am suggesting that you make the rules, you stick to your guns even when it's uncomfortable, and you do what needs to be done.

My clients are so relieved when they realize that their children do better when the parents are running the show. In most cases the children are relieved that they are able to withstand peer pressure by using the old parent card. "I can't - my Mom said I have to be home by 9:00" or "My Dad is the worst - he won't let me come over, drive the car, go to _____, keeps checking up on me that I'm not hanging out with _____".

Stand your ground. Your children may not like it - but eventually, they will love you for it.

Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails - it's great hearing from you!

You can always ask a question or comment here or email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com, or for those of you who prefer it, kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the day!

Costumes - Borrowing an Identity

Many of you have been asking about costumes for Halloween. What kind? What should I allow? My daughter/son wants __________ but I think it's too inappropriate/grown up/dangerous/bad role model...the list goes on.

For the last year many of you have been working with me on issues regarding the media circus and the "news" that your children are exposed to even when they don't want to be. TV consumption includes "breaking news" about Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton on a regular basis. These people are not lauded for their positive achievements, to put it mildly.

As politics becomes more celebritized the major issues of the day become cause for "celeb"ration and it's hard to know what to believe or why people are promoting the causes they do. (To those of you who asked about my opinions on Al Gore and the Nobel prize let's leave it at this....)

Tips for Being Proactive About Role Models:

Halloween can be a great time to get a discussion going about heroes.
*What is a hero?
*What makes a person heroic?
*What's the difference between a real hero and someone who just plays one on tv?
*Why is that celebrity getting attention for negative behaviors?
*Whose actions should we pay attention to in the news?

Make a chart with your child listing positive and negative traits.
*Ask questions like why?
*Who has this trait?
*Why is it an important one to have?
*How do you think it can be helpful or hurtful in your life?

Keep a scrapbook (electronic or clippings) of heroes and heroic behavior. Keep it for your own reference and to use as examples with your child when a topic or situation arises.


I was lucky enough to speak with Bryan Brown at Junior Scholastic about the topic. He wrote a terrific article with some of my thoughts on the topic -"Hero or celebrity: don't confuse the glitter of stardom with real heroism" which you can find here - http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Hero+or+celebrity:+don't+confuse+the+glitter+of+stardom+with+real...-a0159390400

Enjoy your weekend!

Nobel Prize Lessons for Kids of All Ages

The Nobel prizes are being awarded this week. Unlike many of the other prizes that our culture celebrates the Nobel prizes are based on a lifetime of work. That makes the winners older than most of the people your children look up to as role models but these are people who can teach all of us about persistence, dedication, working hard, working long, believing in yourself and persevering even when everyone tells you not to.

Life Skills Lesson Ideas:

1. Clip the listings of the Nobel prize winners and choose a few minutes during the day or week to talk to your children about them.


2. Note the obstacles that the person had to face in life and talk about the ways they overcame them.

For example, Dr. Mario R. Capecchi one of the Nobel Prize winners in medicine was left on his own at age 4 (yes 4!!) when his mother was taken to Dachau. He managed to survive on the streets and in orphanages for the next 5 years.

Dr. Martin Evans says about his Nobel win in medicine that like Dr. Capecchi "his scientific career was an upward struggle. In an interview with the Lasker Foundation, Dr. Evans said recognition was important to him because he often was a lone scientist who cried out against the consensus. In applying for grants, he said he was told many of his ideas were premature and could not be done.

“Then five years later,” he said, “I find everyone is doing the same thing.”

Doris Lessing who won the Nobel prize in Literature never graduated high school, she self-taught by being a voracious reader.

Did any of these people give up? No they did not.

3. Talk about perseverance with your children. Ask them about times that they've felt they just wanted to give up on something but didn't. What did they learn from that experience? How might they apply it in the future?

4. Our society focuses on the prize, the award and not on the process of achievement. Discuss with your children the process of achievement. It can be joyous, fun and fulfilling but it can be tough. Practicing the piano scales isn't fun but how else can you learn the notes and how to play them? Baseball practice in the heat when you're striking out might not be fun, but hitting that home run for the team sure is. You can't get one without the other.


Extra Reading: I was happy to contribute to a terrific article that Jeff Bredenberg wrote called "9 Ways to Help Kids Practice" on this topic which was published in Better Homes and Gardens and which you can link to here on MSN - http://lifestyle.msn.com/familyandparenting/raisingkids/articlebhg.aspx?cp-documentid=937235

Enjoy the day and celebrate your achievements big and small - they took work!

Everything you do makes a difference!

An answer to a great question.

LD writes "Excellent article! My biggest problem is my 12-year-old son will watch me do tons of cleaning and organizing, but seldom pitches in unless I outline a particular privilege that will be revoked unless he helps. Then once in a very great while, he'll do something totally out of the blue like put the clean dishes away out of the dishwasher without being asked. Am I getting through to him or are these just lucky quirks???"

First of all, as much as he'd neverevereverever admit it your son notices the things you do. Maybe not all of it because children don't realize the extent of the things that you do for them. How could they? They don't see much of it. They might not understand all the steps that went into that amazing dinner being on the table or the way you turned yourself and your schedule upside down in order to attend the school play or game. Think back - did you realize everything your parents did?

But he is noticing something and by helping you out he's letting you know. Thank him for the effort and encourage him to do it again. Explain that when he does that you have more time to spend with him on other things.

Children notice so much and they really learn to "do as you do". I have a favorite example from my teaching days. Although there was no dress code required for teachers I always wore skirts to work. One winter day the parent of one of my students asked me to please speak to her daughter about dressing for the weather. It seems that L. only wanted to wear skirts to school "like Miss Weingarten" and when they'd gone shopping that weekend had only wanted to buy skirts!

Here was a situation where I was making a professional statement to my students about school and teaching and how to dress professionally. My student clearly noticed it and was trying to emulate something I was doing. I certainly didn't do it because I wanted her to. I did it because I felt it was the right thing.

They're watching what you do and they are noticing. They notice how you behave with them and with others. They notice the things you do for them and for others. They notice how you interact. They notice how you manage stress. They notice how you celebrate joy. They notice how you indicate happiness and love. They notice.

So let's take it from there and apply it to encouraging your son to help more around the house.


1. Congratulate yourself on the job you're doing. He's noticing and for a 12 year old to be pitching in unasked - well - you are doing something very right.

2. Try substituting revoking something for the promise of adding something positive. How about taking the offensive and suggesting that if he help you around the house he can get that extra something? It doesn't have to be a "thing", it can be an event or a favorite food or whatever he'd enjoy.

3. Ask him if there's anything he could use help with. Explain that there are times that it feels like there's too much to do, or that it might be hard to ask for help or guidance and offer it. If/when he accepts talk about the experience casually. Ask him how it felt to get the extra hand and tell him you were happy to do it.

4. Work with him to coordinate a time schedule when he might be able to assist you for a little while. Start with 5 minutes or a quick and easy chore. Give him guidelines. Don't say anything negative about the way he did the chore. Just thank him for doing it.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Any thoughts or questions? Post them here or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Patience Is A Virtue...Practicing what you preach can be tough!

Teaching children to have patience and delay gratification can be tough. It's tough for us as adults and in our go-go-fast-faster-fastest world is getting tougher.

I'm learning that all over again as I deal with my limited mobility for these few weeks. I'm frustrated beyond words that I just can't do the things I normally do.

I've been told that I have an inordinate amount of patience. I don't know if that's as a result of teaching young children at the very beginning of my career or if I was able to do that because I have a lot of patience. I have patience with others to the "nth" power. So why is it so hard to be as patient with myself? What about helping yourself? What about helping your children help themselves?

Life Skills For Children (of all ages)

Feeling: Waiting for things can feel really really hard. You want it and you want it now.
Learning Tool: What to do? Well, for starters acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings. If your child is grouchy because s/he can't have whatever it is that they want acknowledge that the experience of wanting it can feel very frustrating but - hey - sometimes you just can't have what you want right when you want it. The earlier they learn to manage frustration the easier it will be for them later.

Teaching Patience to Young Children: Practice "waiting" for things. Tomorrow when your child asks for something routine (nothing urgent, emotionally loaded or necessary) ask her/him if s/he can wait for a moment or two because you are _______ (busy, engaged, finishing something up, tired etc.) Wait a short moment or two and then give them what they asked for.

Keep repeating this with longer and longer "wait" times. Nothing excessive, you're not trying to create frustration, you're trying to assist them in managing feelings of frustration while waiting.

Be consistent and honest. If you say you're going to give them something, or do something with them, keep your word. If you aren't able to be honest about that too. Again, the earlier they learn that they can't have everything they want, the way they want it, the second they want it, the better it will be for them in school, in relationships, in sports, in extracurricular activities, in life.

Toughie Tip: If your child absolutely can't tolerate the waiting the first few times you try it buy an old-fashioned egg timer and set it with them. Let them move the dial to the minute mark, give them something to do while they listen to the seconds tick off and have them bring the timer to you when it goes off. This gives them a feeling of control over the waiting.

As for you? And me? Well I'm a huge fan of substituting. Now that I can't walk around as much I'm filling that time with other things that I've put off. I'm catching up on a number of projects that require serious planting myself in a chair and doing. I'm finding ways to finish projects in the outdoors regardless. Wireless, pen and paper, cellphones, sunshine and foliage can go a long way in helping to manage the frustration.

And those moments that it just feels like too much? It will pass for you and with your help, for them. It always does, and that's something to look forward to.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

The Best Laid Plans....

This is how it goes. You plan and organize and set everything up just so and you're ready and - BOOM! Something happens that messes up any semblance of order and routine you had. I speak from experience and I'm sure you hear me from experience.

I had it all planned out. I was going to write the next few posts in response to emails and comments I'd gotten about the previous posts here. I was going to focus on routines, making routines routine, organizing, keeping to a schedule etc. etc. And then - BOOM! I broke a leg - not in the theatrical way (but it has gotten me thinking again about some old things in new ways...) yes, I broke my foot. So besides the pain and annoyance and aggravation and not being able to function like I'm used to (let's not even talk about the hours that I walk every day which I can't do for a while...)there are a number of things that had to be put on hold, reorganized and re-figured.


Life Skills Tips for Children of All Ages

* Think of alternative ways to do the things you wanted to do.
* Remember all the projects you've wanted to complete that didn't fit into your
regular schedule. Can you do any of them now?
* Indulge yourself in ways you might not otherwise. Treat yourself well.
* Ask for help. You can't do all the things you normally would right now. Who can
help?

Stay well and healthy!

The Dangerous Book for Boys - WebMD article with some of my thoughts

Kids Playing: Slingshots vs. Video Games
Is The Dangerous Book for Boys really that dangerous, or is it just what we need?
By Denise Mann
WebMD Feature

Great article about the current bestseller The Dangerous Book For Boys by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden. I was happy to speak to the author of the article Denise Mann and WebMD about my thoughts on the book and its' subject matter. Here's some of what I had to say, I've included a link to the entire WebMD article below.

Questions of Safety

When asked if she believes this new book is dangerous, Rebecca Kiki Weingarten, MScEd, MFA, a psychotherapist and the co-founder/coach of Daily Life Consulting in New York City, says that "it all depends on what you mean by dangerous. In a way, children live in a more dangerous world all around today then they did in the past."

We rarely see kids playing outside on the block because of crime, she points out.

This lack of perceived safety has sired the whole concept of the “helicopter parent," she explains. "Parents literally don’t let their kids breathe and everything is so, so controlled that kids end up in the house using technological toys," she says.

"They do this to the exclusion of other activities, and kids’ attention spans become shorter, and some of the content of these video games is really way inappropriate and not psychologically healthy," she says.

In this sense, "this book is a backlash," she says.

This book also sires father-son bonding, she tells WebMD.

"It's a way to connect boys with fathers," Weingarten says. "Boys can now say, 'hey can you help me make this paper airplane,' and fathers and sons are doing projects together, and that is fantastic," she says.

In terms of physical danger posed by some of these activities, "kids scrape their knees and break their bones, it happens," she says.

"Playing is crucial, and play is learning, and that is what everyone is forgetting, and a book like this brings it back," she says.

And that is sort of what the brothers Iggulden were hoping for when they first put pen to paper.

"The original idea came about when I had a son of my own in 2000," Conn Iggulden explains. "I started looking for the sort of books I enjoyed as a boy and couldn’t find any with the sort of verve and attitude I wanted."

From there, the Iggulden brothers worked for six months in a shed, reliving everything they had ever done as kids and a few things they cared about as adults. "We honestly thought no one else would be interested, [and] it’s been enormously satisfying finding out that society has moved on from the dubious decades where we all pretended boys and girls were the same."

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/kids-playing-slingshots-vs-video-games?page=1

Marketwatch - Dow Jones - Tips for Grown-Ups Heading Back To School - My tips from the article.

Great article by Amy Hoak in Marketwatch/from Dow Jones - many of you asked for my tips - here they are as quoted in the article. I've attached a link to the full article below.

Adults in session
Tips for grown-ups heading back to school
By Amy Hoak, MarketWatch


CHICAGO (MarketWatch) -- Achieving a healthy balance between time at work and home is undoubtedly a challenge for many employees. But when adults also add coursework to their daily loads, the balancing act becomes even more intense.
Whether the goal is an M.B.A. or a bachelor's degree that will assist a career change, going back to school as an adult is often a lesson in time management and prioritizing. Sacrifice is another common word you'll hear among those brave enough to hit the books again -- whether they're giving up time with friends or missing their child's Little League games........

Remember the goal-
As students progress through a program, it's also important to take a step back at times to reassess whether their goals are being met and they can achieve the life balance they had anticipated, said Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten, co-founder of and a career coach with New York-based Daily Life Consulting. She has worked with some clients who simply weren't able to handle demands of both work and school and had to readjust their plans.....

Take baby steps -
Plus, there's a big change adjusting to a larger workload and adapting to the academic mindset, added Weingarten. At work, students likely feel proficient and accomplished; in class, they're back in learning mode and take the role of a novice again, she said. Prepare for the shift and realize it might take some time to get used to the new circumstances.....

Get support from family and friends -
It isn't only the adult student who is learning to sacrifice while keeping up in school.
Less attention might cause young children to act up in school or be clingy during family time, while a spouse can also become jealous of the time an adult student sets aside to study, Weingarten said. Even friends might be envious of the classmates who now get more face time with their long-time buddy......

Stay professional on the job
Finally, it's important that students don't allow the demands of school to affect performance at the workplace, Weingarten said.
Students should keep school materials and books out of sight at work and definitely not on their desk in plain view, she said. Don't even stay at the desk if the plan is to study during the lunch hour, she added. Not only could it be distracting to merge work and school in the same office space, but it could also cause nosy co-workers or an employer to speculate about a student's motives and career goals -- or their current commitment to the job.
"That sends the message that you are not 100% here -- whether or not that is true," she said.

If you'd like some more tips please feel free to email me at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com


Link to full article -
http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/how-adults-heading-back-school/story.aspx?guid=%7b8C2B7491-AB47-4CBE-8036-F56A72213718%7d&print=true&dist=printTop

Gratitude? “Thanks for the encouragement” but “Not when I’ve got attitude!”

That’s the gist of the emails I got in response to yesterday’s post. You’re right! Meaning both “you’re ok” and “you’re correct”.

For those of you who thanked me for any assistance I may have provided in making your daily life easier, you are most welcome I appreciate you’re taking the time to let me know.

For those of you who are feeling frazzled - when you’re overwhelmed with you’re daily life or having a bad day, thinking about gratitude can feel like just one more thing to do. Correct. But if you take the 2 minutes to do it you’ll find you feel a bit better.

How? Well, for one thing, you’re focusing you’re attention on something positive. That doesn’t mean that everything is wonderful, perfect or that all your difficulties will vanish, it just means that you’re taking the time to see that it isn’t all one way or the other. You’re focusing your attention for just a few moments on positive thoughts and experiences. No pressure. No added work.

Focusing on the positive means that if you found a parking spot right away and didn’t have to circle and get your blood boiling about it – that’s a good thing. If you’re child has a teacher they love and are feeling motivated this year – that’s a good thing. If you’re able to handle things better than you were able to last week, year or yesterday – that’s a good thing and it should be noted. Give yourself or someone else a pat on the back and distract yourself with something good for a couple of moments.

Life Skills Tip for children of all ages…. Focus your attention on something (anything) positive for just a moment or two during your day for starters. Then begin to take note and be in the moment during a positive event. Demonstrating this trait to your children will empower them to do the same.

Let me know how goes!

Spoiled Children Concern Parents - NY Daily News - Rebecca Kiki Weingarten

Here's what I added to the dialogue about spoiled children and how to "unspoil" them in an article by Sheryl Berk. http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2007/09/01/2007-09-01_spoiled_children_concern_parents.html

Good article - to recap - it's possible, but it isn't easy. My clients and I have worked together to achieve the goal and it takes work, determination and persistence but then again, doesn't anything that's worthwhile? I'll be adding some more thoughts and tips on the topic here so stay tuned.

In the meantime, please feel free to contact me with any of your questions or concerns and I'll try and address them here. If you'd like more information about individual or group education or parenting coaching email me at
coach at dailylifeconsulting.com . For more information or to arrange a seminar for your school or group please contact Jill Evans at jill at gtkgroup.com

How Can I Organize Getting Organized?

Thanks Marion G. for the great question.

Getting organized can feel like a job and a half itself at the best of times. Factor in children and their constantly changing needs and schedules and you've got a full time job just getting organized the things you need to organize!

A couple of quick tips:

1) Try and organize in advance of the event or situation that needs to be planned. For example try to organize for the first day/or week of school a week in advance. Waiting until the night before doesn't leave time for last-minute situations such as supplies that haven't been bought but all the stores are closed.

2) Choose your best time of day. Are you a morning person? Or does everyone in the household know better than to approach you before you've had your second cup of coffee? Working at your optimum time makes the work go faster and you've got more energy to deal with any difficulties that come up.

3) Take charge. Your children may have an idea of how they think things should go but they have less experience than you in many areas and also really, really need your guidance in showing them how to get organized. The better you are at modeling behavior the better they'll be at doing it. You'll be teaching them the skills you're demonstrating.

Children in many cases do as you do, so if you're calm and methodical about organizing and planning they'll follow your lead and be the same way.

Life Skills Exercise For Children - after they're done with the first week of school, or organizing a project or subject or supplies with you, have them write down 3 things that went well or that they're happy about. For the younger children have them color a picture. It could be something like "I like my teacher" or "I had a good time with my friends" or anything else that they can think of. It will teach them to appreciate their daily life moments and can serve as a journal or memory book to keep for the future.

Enjoy and appreciate the day - what 3 things will you be happy about today?

Welcome to Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids - Back To School Time

Hi All!

One more day. One more day before school starts. As a teacher, Labor Day was one of the hardest days of the year for me - back to school after the looooong vacation. It was hard getting used to getting up early in the morning and getting back into the routine. I knew just how my students felt.

The last couple of weeks we've been talking a lot about the beginning of school and how to get children back into the swing of things. A few thoughts on how to make this year the most productive and fun year ever.

A. Today is the first day of school. For everyone. It doesn't make a difference what happened last year and with the last teacher or the subjects. It's a new beginning - take advantage of it.

B. Prepare routines and guidelines early - tonight maybe - or tomorrow. What time does everyone have to get up in the morning? What is the homework checking schedule? Prepare a large calendar and put it on a wall in the kitchen - write down the weekly schedule before Monday. Keep another poster available for details. What will you need to get x,y, or z ready for school? Check it off as you do it?

C. Sit down daily, if possible, weekly at the very least and discuss what's going on in school. It's a great way to encourage good work and head off troublesome situations.

D. Have fun! School can be hard and tiring but boy can it be fun. Experiments, new books, friends, trips and so much more.


Any topics or questions you'd like to see covered in this blog - please email me at coach (at) dailylifeconsulting dot com

Good luck with the first day and have fun! it's going to be a great year!